Even Wilder

Wilder

There were cop cars everywhere in front of my house. I ran down the sidewalk. My stomach sick, my mind racing at all the possibilities of what could be happening.

But the police stopped me before I could get through.

"We can't let you go in there," the officer said, his hand on my chest.

"What happened? I was just across the street." What the fuck could have happened in a couple of hours?

When he wouldn't answer me, I tried seeing for myself again. Another cop came over and did his best to keep me from getting any further.

"That's my mom's house!" They were treating me like a stranger. "Where's my brother?"

"Sir. Are you familiar with the name Silas Williams?"

My blood ran cold. "Yeah. That's my mom's boyfriend."

"We have him in custody. We have reason to believe he is responsible for stabbing two people in the home."

All the life whooshed out of my chest at those words. "Are they dead?" It was an out of body experience I was there I knew I was, but I felt a million miles away.

"Sir. We have one woman deceased and a young man who was taken by ambulance to the local hospital."

There was no way Mom was dead, and Bing was injured. I was just there the other day. I gave her Christmas presents and set up the old Christmas tree to try and get her into the spirit.

I just stood there staring at my childhood home as they taped it off. I was watching them reduce it down to nothing more than a crime scene.

I clutched my chest, unable to speak.

Violet was behind me. She wrapped her arms around me without even knowing what was going on. She guided me over to the curb and forced me to lean against the old car parked on the street.

"What happened?" She grabbed me, nose to nose. She wanted nothing more than to make sense of what was going on just like I did.

"Silas." Somehow I forced that word out. And then I collected enough air in my lungs for the rest. "Mom's dead. Bings at the hospital."

Her eyes welled with tears. The lights illuminated them as they fell down her cheeks. But she stayed strong and took my hand. "Come on. I'll drive you to the hospital so you can be with Bing."

I don't remember walking to the car. But somehow little Violet managed to get me in that seat. She sped across town, never letting go of my hand as she drove. We made it to the hospital in under ten minutes.

The world was nothing but a blur, and I wasn't even drunk this time.

***

"Everything is going to be okay," Violet said again. She told me over and over. She did everything she knew how to do to make me better, just like I always did for her.

She pushed her hair off her shoulder and stayed close to me, resting her head against me. "It's going to be okay."

"I don't know. Mom's dead." It didn't feel real. The words didn't sound like words. They felt like little daggers tearing apart my heart. How could I feel so bad for someone who never protected me my whole life?

I was still shocked that any of this happened. It had only been a couple of hours. Silas was never even there. I couldn't wrap my head around what could have happened in that little bit of time to cause all of this.

Violet squeezed my hand. "The doctor is coming."

I stood up. I don't know why. I guess I thought maybe the news would be more favorable with me on my feet.

"We have stabilized your brother. He's not awake yet. But we were able to stop the bleeding. The damage is less severe than we initially thought. He's a tough kid." The doctor continued talking when I didn't say anything. "I will have the nurse come get you when they finish with him. I'm sorry for the loss of your mother."

Bing was okay. I released all the fear and stress crushing my insides and started sobbing. That kid meant the world to me. I'd never had a brother my whole life and then out popped Bing twelve years ago. He was a blessing, and I wouldn't have been able to go on without him by my side. I just wished I could have done more to protect him.

Violet rubbed my back and didn't say a word. She just let me get it all out.

Christmas Eve and my mom was gone. Bing was in the hospital. Violet was right by my side for it all.

I wiped my eyes and looked at her. "I love you." Violet stared at me, surprised. "I'm serious. I love you."

She gave a small smile and nodded. "I love you too." She scooted closer to me and rested her head against my arm. Maybe it wasn't the right time or the right place, but sometimes you couldn't hold back how you felt.

***

Hospitals were different during the holidays. A little more vacant with a burst of chaos. A little more depressing. But it didn't matter how much it pained me to be there because Bing was alive. And I could look at him.

How could life be bad?

"Wilder," Saint said in the hallway, he pulled at his hair. He looked just as concerned about all of this as I was. He looked worried.

Violet woke up, pulling her tired body off of my arm when she saw who was in the doorway. "If you came here to start trouble Saint, you can leave." She warned. And it was undeniable she meant every word of it.

"No, of course not." He wasn't his usual smug self. "I am so sorry, man. I heard about your mom and Bing." He looked from me to Bing and swallowed.

"How did you even get back here?" Violet questioned.

Saint threw a thumb over his shoulder. "I know one of the nurses." He let out an uncomfortable laugh. "Has he talked to you?"

"He said a few words. They gave him a lot of pain meds, so he really doesn't make much sense." I looked at Bing, head bandaged up, both arms. The kid was tough.

"Good, I'm glad he's okay, dude."

"Yep. Me too." I sighed. But my mother wasn't. She was dead. That was it for her. All because she couldn't get away from these dumbass men she always let ruin her life.

"How many times did you tell her about that dude?"

I jumped up. "Get the fuck out." I shoved him out into the hallway.

"I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking." He was afraid of me. I could see it in his eyes.

"That's right because you never think. You don't think about anything. You do whatever you want and fuck everyone else right?"

"Wilder. I know what I did was an asshole move. But I care about you. I wouldn't be here if I didn't."

I laughed, that was the funniest thing I had heard lately. "Yeah, it really feels like it. What did you think you would do? Come in offer your condolences and then continue the insults?" I shoved him into the wall.

A couple of the hospital staff took notice.

"It wasn't my intention. I just wanted you to know I was here for you."

"Wilder," Violet was in the doorway. "He's not worth it. You don't want to get thrown out of here. Bing needs you."

I nodded, she was right. Whatever Saint's fucked up idea of support was, it wasn't mine. But at least he tried. I ran a hand through my hair and looked him in the eyes. "Thanks for coming."

Saint stood there dumbfounded I hadn't taken his head off. In shock that he was still in one piece. He nodded his head and headed down the hallway to the elevators.

Violet touched my back. "Thank you for not killing him."

"I wouldn't have killed him," I said. I was angry but punching Saint in the middle of the hospital, where my dead mother and my injured brother were was not the kind of guy I was.