Even Wilder

Wilder

I knew this wasn't where I should be. I wanted to get it right for once in my damn life. But no, I was standing in the middle of Saint's house party, clutching a bottle of vodka to my chest, beyond wasted and beyond making the right decision.

I was consciously obliterating my will to give a fuck because I didn't want to give a fuck anymore. I wanted to throw all the fucks in a dumpster.

Looking at my life, did I fix anything being the person I had been for all these years?

Mom was dead. Violet would probably never talk to me again. Bing was never coming out of that fucking bedroom.

So this bottle of vodka made all the sense in the world. It was the only thing I needed.

The party had been going on for hours.

I was in the middle of a crowd of girls, hardly able to stay on my feet. All of them wanting my attention and the only thing I could focus on was the way the room was tilting and how I felt like I was on a fucking carnival ride.

I knew it wasn't helping anything, but if I believed it did, I could keep going. I could continue blotting out the shit. I could fuck one random girl after another and not think about Violet.

I could drink another bottle of liquor and not want to punch Saint's face. I could forget that he did me dirty and party with him like nothing ever happened.

She left me. She left me because I was a fucking moron.

I threw the most hurtful words I could find at her. And she left just like I wanted her to. She was back at school, living her life, hurting because she cared about me no matter how much she tried to pretend she didn't. But she was pretending she didn't anymore.

She wasn't going to call me. She was going to act as if she did not give a fuck about me. Even if it killed her, she would get her point across that she didn't give a fuck about me.

I was going to make love to her. I wanted to show her what she meant to me. I didn't even know why I thought that was going to work out. What have I ever done in my life that equated to fucking loving someone the way they should be loved?

I tipped the bottle of vodka and finished it off and let it drop. And I started moving to the music. I didn't care about the bitch next to me with her tits and ass out. Hoping she could get a hold of me in the bathroom. She wanted to be the latest girl who got a taste of Wilder's dick.

"Wilder get your ass over here," Saint shouted from across the room. "I got some people I want you to meet."

I decided I would humor him.

"What can I do for you tonight?" I said.

"This is Lydia, and this is Simone." Saint had his arms around both of them. "They are very wild girls looking for some fun."

Lydia and Simone both smiled at me.

"Cool. Cool. How about I hold the camera while you let Lydia and Simone suck your dick this time?"

"Wilder. Come on, man. They came to have a good time."

"Do you two realize that this guy is going to post your asses all across the internet for his own fucked up satisfaction?" I didn't care who heard and was watching. I wanted to tell it like it was.

"He's joking." Saint shook his head, trying to keep the smile on his face because he was only thinking about fucking these girls. And he needed my cooperation. Saint couldn't get girls without his trusty wingman—Wilder.

"You're going to have to fuck these girls on your own. I'm busy."

Saint was on my heels. He jerked me to a stop. "What the fuck is your problem?"