You were going to your job to start a normal, boring, ordinary, simple day at work. You got ready and went out the door of your apartment to the parking lot where your car was. You were ready to get in and start your car when you realized. You had no idea where your car keys were. You searched your pockets and you went back up to your apartment to look there but came back down to your car to see if you had perhaps dropped them somewhere as you were getting out.
"Shit I lost my car keys!" You exclaimed. As soon as you had said that, an odd British man showed up.
"You seem lost! Where's your car keys?" (A/N: I know that there's a better way to put that but I'm trying to get it as accurately as I can to what Max said)
You stared at this man in confusion as you looked at his outfit. He was wearing a yellow jacket with a white dress shirt and a pineapple tie. You saw this as a sign to run but you knew you wouldn't be able to get away because the universe connects everything.
"We must go to England!" He exclaims. "You wouldn't just so happen to have a map on you would you?"
You rolled your eyes and pulled out your phone. "Where in England are we going exactly and why?"
"Oh um first we need to get to the airport so we can get to England and find your car keys." He said with the most adorable little smile.
"Yeah uh... not sure if you noticed but I can't get in my car without my keys. Wait why the hell would they be in England?" You asked.
"I don't know the universe is just telling me to go to England." He shrugged.
"Okay well, we can't get to the airport without a car so what are we supposed to do about that?" You demanded.
"Right..." He said awkwardly. After a long pause, his face suddenly light up like a really bright lamp. (A/N: this may or may not be a reference to some Brotzly one shots I was reading by a person called Obsessedminddumpster and one of the chapters was called 'LAMP DIRK' and I loved it)
"Oh I've got it! I have a blue Corvette right outside of the Ridgely where my assisfriend Todd lives! We could go back there and see if Todd wants to come along for the adventure with us!" He said very quickly.
At this point you face had probably looked like you just witnessed someone selling their soul to a devil monkey or something like that.
"Woah woah woah dude. Calm down. It's not an adventure, I'm just trying to find my car keys and go to work." You stated with utter confusion.
"Well I'm here so it must be an adventure." He blurts. "I'm a holistic detective!"
"Wait you mean like the interconnectedness of everything?" You questioned.
"Exactly that! The universe takes me to the cases that I need to solve! However they usually involve some sort of extraterrestrial science or something. Like that one case with Lydia Spring and the soul swap thing with Rapunzel the corgi and the time machine but that's not why I'm here. That was in the past. I think..." He ranted.
"Hang on like Lydia Spring Lydia Spring? You're telling me the girl that went missing got her soul stuck in a corgi named Rapunzel?" You asked. You were so confused.
"Like I said before that's in the past and therefore unimportant right now." He said. "We must get to the Ridgely to see if Todd wants to come with us!" He grabbed your arm and led you the way to the Ridgely.
"WAIT I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOUR NAME!" You yelled as he led you through the busy streets.
"Many apologies my name is Dirk Gently!" He yelled back.
'Dirk Gently.' You thought to yourself. You had to admit that was a pretty cute name. And he was kinda cute too.
YOU ARE READING
It's Not An Adventure (Dirk Gently x reader)
Random!!!!!NOT BEING UPDATED!!!!! Okay so I was watching the Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency panel in San Diego and one of the questions was 'What case would you like Dirk Gently to try to solve?' and Max Landis' answer was hilarious. If you've se...
