Losing Control

Chapter 3: Man Crush

Previously....
Only one thought ran through my mind. Jason did that.

Felix

I was leaning on Jason's car. It was a huge jeep and even touching it made me feel worthless it probably cost thousands of pounds.

Where is he. I thought. He was taking his time.

"Hey!"

I heard an unfamiliar voice come from beside me and as i turned i saw Max.

We didn't talk much if at all so it greatly confused me as to why he wanted to talk to me right now, however that didn't stop me from greeting him back

"Hey" I said giving him a smile

"well, umm" he started, advancing closer to me, I unconsciously took a step back.

I didn't mean anything by it but it's just that being around different people was a weird feeling.

I saw the looks on his face shifting into one of reject and sadness

"yup?" I said cheeringly hoping it would brighten his mood. It did. He looked back down at me and continued what he was going to say.

"Well I was wondering if you're free this saturday. Lemme take you out."

Oh.

I didn't know how to react I've never been in this kind of Situation  before. I mentally face palmed myself. I need to say something this is becoming too awkward.

But did I want to go out with him. Wait is this even a date or am I overthinking things again.

"ummm" words finally spilled out of my mouth.

"Why don't you give me your number and I'll text you after asking my parents."

Shit.  Who still asks their parents if they can head out. I instantly turned my head downwards in embarrassment I just can't give myself a break can i.

I heard max chuckle from above me as he took my phone which was once held in my hands and entered his number before handing it back to me. His hands were quite big as they hovered over mine.

"Well until then i guess."

I quickly gave him a curt nod before he went on back to his way.

Was max even gay?

Just then Jason appeared.

"How long have you been here I couldn't even hear you coming." I said to him.

"Long enough" He said in a low voice. What did he mean by that. He had a raged Expression on his face, similar to the one earlier today.

yet i had no idea why

" Get in."

He said as he shrugged of the expression before climbing into the car on the driver side as i climbed into the passenger seat.

Jason always drove the car and i never argued but now it became kind of evident how he always seemed to take a lead in our relationship.

Once we reached my house we both clambered out of our seats walking towards the front door. The car ride was quite awkard. It was as if jason had something to say and was holding it in as hard as possible yet I could clearly tell that something was bothering him.

"Hello boys." My mum's rosy voice filtered throughout the house.

She was used to Jason coming over all the time it kind of became our routine. Most of the times it was at my house, because jason hated being around his dad and never wanted to bring me anywhere near him.

Most of the time my mum was busy with work and was barely here. This in itself, was a rare sight.

"Mum? Your here?" I said smiling and running up to her. I gave her a hug and she immediately encircled her long slender arms around my petite body.

Nothing felt better than this. She gave me a little laugh before turning to Jason and giving him a smile.

"Now don't keep your guest waiting and I'll bring some snacks up later. Ok?."

I instantly nodded. As I accompanied Jason, as we walked up the stairs. He seemed to be staring holes at the back of my head the entire time.

I didn't know how but eventually I gained enough courage to ask him,

"why are you staring at me like i did something wrong?"

"What did max ask you after school." He said.

Of course he answered my question with another question this wasnt anything new.

"Nothing we just exchanged numbers. He needed help with his work."

I didn't want to tell him that he asked me out because Jason knew nothing of my sexuality even i wasn't completely sure but i knew what i was leaning more towards.

I didn't want him to judge me and for me to loose my only friend.

"Why are you lying to me." Jasons voice rose as he stood up towering over me.

We were in my room now with the door closed, so my mother wouldn't be able to hear us.

"I...I'm not lying we seemed to get along so we exchanged numbers like friends do." I tried to make my answer seem as natural as possible but my stuttering easily gave away the fact that I was lying.

Jason was a huge tower and i felt like any minute he could tumble and crash with me underneath him. what felt even worse was the fact that sometimes i felt like the earthquake that would bring him down. I decided to try one more time. Just once more before i tell him the truth.

" I'm not lying jason." I stated staring right his eyes. My heart broke, what happened to us. Why did it have to turn out like this. I didn't like lying. Especially to him.

I didnt want jason to see me. He definitely knew. This was better for both of us.

Now the room was silent. I was begging and begging that Jason would just speak up and say something. Change the subject. Ignore everything.  Anything.

But i just felt him look down at me sternly. "Im heading out." My head instantly shot up staring at him.

What? I thought to myself.

"Er..umm..." i uselessly stuttered and for the first time in so long truly hated my existence. Im pushing him away. The voice in my head kept on telling me.

As Jason pushed opened the door. All I wanted to do was to grab onto his shirt and pull him back inside. Don't go. I begged but he couldn't hear me.

I heard his footsteps descend down the stares before he had a short conversation with my mum. Then there it was. The loud sound of a door slam.  He was gone.

For the first time in more than 10 years...Jason left me and never looked back.