Losing Control

Chapter 27: Resistance

Previously....

Further away from Felix. They both gave each other a shocked look.

Who would've thought?

Not them.

It wasn't long before Felix was shoved into a car. He didn't know how to feel. He still didn't want to look at Jason as he furiously drove off.

Felix refused to look at him and cuddled himself closer to the window on the other side staring out. He didn't feel like he was in danger.

He wasn't that kind of man anymore.

He was stronger and more independent. He didn't need Jason anymore.

From the looks of him at the club though, he noticed that Jason also changed. He cut his hair. It was short and sat messily at the top of his head. And even more, he had tattoos now. They coloured his arms in an inky onyx.

He seemed tougher now. More in control, he guessed.

He wore expensive clothes' and drove an expensive car.

Felix thought to himself. I guess his dad still continues his business and maybe he taken some parts in it too.

Felix couldn't help but remember what went down the day he left. He'd do anything to erase that moment. They shared such an intimate time together, yet it still wasn't enough.

It wasn't before long Felix felt a dampness on his cheeks and upon placing his hands there found out he was crying.

Why.

Why am I crying and I don't care about him anymore?

Why am I still in this damn car?

Deep down he knew exactly why.

It was because no matter what happened there was always this connection between Jason and him.

Something that couldn't be severed.

And deep down he always thought that there was good reason that Jason left him for. He wanted to know what it was.

Felix could sense the mood in the car had softened. It was no longer tense and scary but more of a quite hesitant one. Both of the men had so much to say yet this moment when they were alone together after three years of void. Nothing could leave their lips.

Until now.

"We're here." Jason said.

Felix noticed how his voice was deeper, his face was colder and more expressionless a bit like his father.

Although everything willed Felix to just submit to the bigger man next to him he couldn't. He couldn't just bend to his will not after everything happened.

"Where are we?" he asked. Felix, just like Jason had gained a deeper voice and some height.

Jason was a bit taken back after hearing the small boy's voice after so long, but what he remembered was now just a memory and the man who he longed for every second of everyday was now next to him in the car.

He felt awful for what he did.

Thinking About it now if It were worth it, he'd say no.

Those years away from Felix was the hardest in his life. Being away from his life partner. But he had to. In order for them to be possible.

To exist without that fear that one day Felix would be hurt. Because of him. He sensed how Felix wasn't in the mood and this wasn't going to be easy.

"We're home." Jason didn't want to waste any time.

He'd already waited so long however he didn't really think this through to consider how Felix would feel about this. he got too excited and the thought left his head. Felix's face scrunched up in disbelief as he looked at Jason who stared down at him, his eyes empty.

"Are you crazy?" he asked looking into his eyes.

The tears on his cheek were apparent even though they were dried up and only then did it really hit Jason.

He knew this would be hard on Felix, but he always thought that he'd be able to get over it.

He underestimated Felix's feelings for him and ended up hurting him the most.

His hands slowly move towards Felix's. Cupping his.

However, Felix instantly retracted his hands. Jason's face fell. Normally he'd get angry and just lash out but at this moment he knew why Felix felt this way. He understood and he was able to act in a way to not dig their relationship in an even deeper hole.

Thanks to his uncle that is.

"Felix- "

"No." Felix said, cutting him off. The sadness in his eyes amplified as he started at Jason.

The memories and feelings all came flooding into him.

Them damn brown eyes he thought.

"You don't get to say anything," he continued. "You promised."

He said a sob escaping his lips. He tried to hold it in so much, but it was just too much. Everything hurt so much at that moment.

Jason was silent. He seriously didn't know what to say at the moment. There was so much in his head. He wanted to say. Felix, I thought about you every second I didn't want to leave but I did it for your own good, so that i'll never hurt you again. But all that came out was

"sorry." And rightfully so. Jason's head hung low, but Felix caught the tear that he saw fall.

He took a deep breath. No matter how many times he tried to convince himself otherwise. He still had feelings for Jason. And he was terrified that one day he'd show up and everything he'd worked so hard to hide would come pouring out.

And here it was. a nightmare happening in front of him.

He didn't even realise how all these years he's been unconsciously waiting for Jason.

Wasting time, he could've been happy with someone else instead of waiting for the man who didn't think twice before leaving.

"Why?" he choked out through his tears. Repeating it over and over again. His fingers tangled within each other. "Was it because of me?" The questions have been burning in his chest since he left.

"no. Never. Not in that way." Jason said immediately.

He didn't think Felix would ever think such a thing and it broke his heart knowing the damage he caused.

"Felix, I left to learn more about myself. I noticed that I was slowly losing myself. And I was terrified. I was terrified of hurting you in the process." Jason said.

Felix's face softened. After all those years he thought there was something wrong with him. Although he wasn't going to jump into Jason's arms.

This was enough. He took a deep breath leaning back on the car.

This was enough for now.