Losing Control

Chapter 5: Drip

// thank you for everyone whose read so far. 100 reads!!! I can assure you theres so much more to come :) //

Previously....

My heart stopped completely as i collaspsed to the ground once the suited men were far enough. Jason?

⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️ - CONTAINS TRIGGERING SCENES

FELIX

No. No.  No. No.

The car drove off and the second they fully disappeared I dashed all the way home. My heart was beating out of it's chest. I was scared that it would fall out.

I didn't know why. That wasn't Jason. It couldn't be. Right?

He just looked like him. It made no sense for Jason to be in a place like that especially at that time. I've never seen hin with anyone like that.

No. No. No. No. I finally reached my home and banged on the door hoping it to instantly open. Like a magic trick. I needed one to rid me of my thoughts. They weren't thoughts they were memories.

I didn't know what to be more scared of. The fact that i just witnessed a murder. Or the fact that jason could've possibly been involved. Then it hit me even harder. I just witnessed a murder. Somebody was killed right in front of me.

They were shot.

By another man.

He had children.

A family.

And I just watched as his life was snatched from underneath him. I hid behind a wall while as a murder played out right in front of me. Like a football match and i was the referee.

Tears came gushing out of my eyes. I'm a monster. I know that I wouldn't be able to take on all those men but I didn't even try to interrupt them.

I didn't know why but deep down i felt like i also killed that man.

"Felix? Are you going to come in?" My mother said as she stood leaning on the door just staring at me.

I couldn't even mutter any words to talk to her. How was I meant to explain. The look on her face morphed in front of my eyes. Her eyebrows scrunched and her mouth curved into a furious frown.

"What did you do?" She said looking at me judgingly. "You're just like them aren't you?" She said the snarl on her face growing bigger and bigger.

She knew.

How did she find out. It was obvious wasn't it. Everyone i passed on the way here....

Did they know too?

My breathing shortened and I couldn't face her any longer. I pushed past her and ran to my room without looking back.

"Felix? What happened?" I heard her voice say before I disappeared in my room and locked the door.

I leaned on it before slowly sinking down onto the ground. The words repeating itself in my mind over and over and over again.

Murderer.

Murderer.

No. No. No.

Im not a murderer.

I curled myself onto the floor. My body still shaking from the previous events. Eventually after the shock settled I got up and went over to my bed finally falling asleep.

...

Brnnnng. Brnnng.

I slowly pried my eyes open noticing that someone was calling I turned over on my bed in search for my phone. I probably abandoned it on the ground the day before. When I saw who was calling my breath hitched.

Jason.

I wanted to answer so bad. To tell him to come back and that I'm sorry and that I missed him.

To ask him where he was.

Yesterday.

But the events which played out was still having huge effect on me and I couldn't bring myself to answer. So I just let it ring. Going through my phone I noticed how Jason had been calling me for hours and hours.

What did he have to say?

The phone finally silenced.

Brnngg. Brnnnng.

Oh my gosh. I picked up the phone in fury. And stayed silent. I just wanted to see what he had to say. I wanted to see whether he knew about what happened yesterday.

If he was...involved.

I knew there was no way that i could bring myself to ask him. So the phone line was left silent.

"Felix?"

I finally let out the breath i didn't know i was holding.

"Max."

It was max on the phone and only then did i remember our date. I scoured through my phone even further and noticed he texted me as well.

"Sorry. I didn't see your texts I'm just seeing them now. " i said my voice barely audible.

"You feeling ok? If your not it's alright to cancel. I don't want to force you or anything and we can go another time." I could feel his smile through the phone

I considered the option. I mean i could have the day to myself. However in the end, decided not to. I needed to go out more and it would help me forget.

"No. No its fine. I'll see you at the cinema ok?" I said my voice heightening at the end.

Max laughed at how cute I must've sounded. And repleid," sure." The phone was cut. And I fell back onto my bed.

I've been struggling to breath for so long and I really thought that having this time to enjoy myself with someone other than Jason would do some good.

Of course it would. That's the smart thing to do.

For the mean time I blocked Jason's number and continued on getting ready for the day. While I entered the bathroom something seemed different. I was taking note of things like i haven't before. The razor blade on the sink as well as the small thin blade at the side of the bath.

I slowly walked up towards them. Feet staggering. 

All my mind wanted to do was grip it. I didn't know what i was going to do after but for now i just wanted to feel it in between my fingers.

I slowly advanced to the blade which sat on the sink.

I picked it up and observed it before slowly holding it tighter between my fingers as the blade sunk into my point finger and thumb leaving drops of blood falling onto the white sink.

It pierced my finger ever so slightly. It was almost comforting.

The blood contrasted greatly with the entire bathroom.

What am i doing i said before dropping the razor blade on the sink and heading into the shower to get ready for the date.

The blood was still there decorating my room in a brand new colour. Little did I know this would symbolize the beginning a new chapter in my life, whether it'll be good or bad was up to me to decide.

// Im deciding to change the POV of the story and making it into a third person POV because its easier to write that way. Tell me what you think about my first persons POVs