Ashes of a Madman

Chapter 3 - Dark, Dark My Light and Darker My Desire

A/N: Warning. This chapter contains substance abuse, domestic violence and murder.

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Uganda was a land full of crystalline rocks and brown-green swamps. We climbed considerably in altitude in the highlands before entering Uganda. And then it rained. It rained and never seemed to stop. Other than the alternating clapping of hands and sporadic singing of the natives to frighten away potential predators, no one spoke much to each other, and I seldom saw my husband except at the end of the day. Soaked to the bone and entirely separated from the rest of the men, I was the only woman and was entirely unaccustomed to hard, endless foot travel. I missed the companionship of ladies, but even more so the company of Philip. Like a child, I missed my dresses. I craved gentleness.

One night, safe in my tent, hidden from the rain, I took out my paintbrushes. I lined them up and ran my fingers across the soft brushes. It almost tickled. I ran the palm of my hand over them, and then my wrist as I closed my eyes.

"Are you well?" I heard my husband's voice behind me and sighed softly.

"Yes, I am well." I began putting my brushes away. "A little tired, perhaps, and a little homesick, but I guess that is normal and I will recover."

"You have not been eating nearly enough, Rebecca. You will get sick if you do not keep up your appetite. And there is no Dr. Glentyre out here to cure you. I will not counsel you again about this, but will force-feed you if it persists."

"Acquiring a taste for the strange foods takes some time. Cassavas and plantain.... Don't worry about me," I said lightly.

"This week, we will cross the Ruwenzori Mountains. As hot as it is here, this mountain range is always snow-capped. There is actually a glacier, if you can believe it. Our tribes believe that this place is magical, that at the top of these mountains purity exists. A little mythology should remind you of home. And the thought of cooler air should give your little blistered feet reason to keep a faster pace. Come, get some rest now."

"We will reach Pandora's Peril shortly, then?" I asked. He was inclined to leave me, but I craved intimacy, even with its inevitable price.

"Very soon. Once we cross the mountain range we will pass the Semliki River and then we are there."

"Do you love it here more than in England?"

"Yes," he responded without a moment's hesitation. "England is for conformists. This place is full of adventure. There is so much to learn; so much to experience that is considered improper in England, or anywhere in the modern world."

"Like what?" Geoff sprawled out on my cot and laid his head down beside where I knelt. I felt an overwhelming desire to touch his face. My thumb caressed his soft lips for only a moment. His eyes looked hard into mine. I glanced down shamefully and felt myself swallow. "May I sleep beside you tonight?" I asked without meeting his eyes.

He was silent for a moment. "Come," he invited me beside him and I accepted the invitation. This was what I wanted for us, this is the way it should be, to lay beside my husband and fall asleep feeling protected. Lost to me were the deafening sounds of the insects outside as evening fell. Flickering light of my lantern cast shifting shadows against the tent walls. Geoff's cheek pressed against mine as he kissed my ear and cradled me against his form. The roughness of his beard chafed my soft skin and pulled my long hair. My hands slid up his hard chest as my mouth found his and welcomed his deep kiss, sighing as I captured his tongue and held it tenderly for a brief moment before arching against him and pulling my fingers through his long, dark hair. My soul opened for him to take as my fingers slid over his bronzed muscles. "Temptress," he whispered and I trembled in response. He stayed my wrists with his hands and pulled me to sleep beside him and touched me no more. Geoff dimmed the lantern and I was left to catch my breath in the dark.