Suffocate II Lisoo

Chapter 8

J E N N I E

I've always told myself not to be mad with Jisoo unnie for leaving us so suddenly a few years ago because there had to be a reason why she had to do it. Because in the midst of all, there is to live, the future will always be uncertain. Seulgi's words came in like a truck in our faces.

Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia (ALL)

I may not know the deeper meaning of it, but Leukemia alone is bad enough to make us understand how much worse when one has it. It's cancer, and do you know how scary that sounds? I looked at Jisoo unnie, who was emotionless in her seat.

"And that's not all," She adds, and I feel my heart beating fast. Jisoo has already suffered enough, and there's more? Is that even possible?

"She also has AML, Acute Myeloid Leukemia," My stomach tensed. All these years, she's been suffering. I didn't know what to say; Chaeyoung and I were in tears. Isn't this all too much for a person to experience?

"It is a distinct subtype of blood cancer. It can occasionally occur as a side effect of chemotherapy and radiation." Seulgi explains, and with every word said. My heart broke. It was painful but not as painful for Jisoo unnie herself. "She went into remission during those years of disappearance. "The leukemia cells were gone, but sadly, it came back." She adds. I began to realize and appreciate Seulgi for being with her throughout. And I was starting to feel bad about myself.

"Why d-didn't you tell us?" I tried to hold back a sob.

Jisoo stares at me with dead eyes. She's tired. How many times did it hurt? How many times did you feel like giving up because of the pain? Those years of loneliness?

"I was scared. It took me seven months to tell my parents. Mom and Dad immediately went to find a doctor, and that's where everything started to fall apart." She explains that she's been through the same conversation.

"Now you know. Please don't tell Joohyun and Lisa," She pleads, and it didn't seem like we had any other choice. We nodded, and they began to eat their food while we had to process everything. If there were any questions, we were free to ask since we now know the secret Jisoo's been hiding.

"Unnie, what are your plans now?" Chaeyoung asks.

"I'll have to undergo chemo with different drugs this time. And if chemo doesn't work, I'll have to get a bone-marrow transplant to get rid of it, But it's a slim chance." She explains. It was true, though I did not know things about medicine and Jisoo's condition. There are risks. And at some point, there are disadvantages and advantages to every decision.

I took a drink of water which we ordered a while ago when we had our conversation, and everything was too much.

"I'll say this while I still can," Jisoo unnie interrupts. I look at her with a small smile plastered on her face. "I'm proud of you girls," She said, and I was not ready for another breakdown. "You've achieved a lot while I was gone. It saddens me how things have happened. But it is what it is,"

"U-Unnie, can I hug you?" Chaeyoung stood up, and Jisoo nodded. I stood up the moment she did. We both gave her a careful hug. She's weak. She gets bruises too quickly, so we have to be careful. I'm afraid of what might come because this is the first time in years; we've reunited. I want it to go back to the way it used to be.

On the outside, she seems like the happy-go-lucky person who has their shit together. On the inside, she's breaking down and battling years of hidden suffering. Do we still have time to fix things? I could only hope so. I don't want to lose her. I wonder how Joohyun and Lisa would feel if they'll know. 

~~~

After that tiring afternoon, we headed back to our respective rooms, but Chaeyoung and I went back to change into our pajamas before going to Seulgi and Jisoo's room. We wanted to stay with her even just for tonight. We decided that Jisoo, Chaeyoung, and I take the bed while Seulgi was on the couch. We offered to let her sleep in our room, but she didn't want to since she wanted to stay close if something happened.

After unnie drank her meds, we took her to bed and tucked her in. Jisoo soon passed out while the three of us were wide awake, especially Chaeyoung and me. My back lay on the headboard.

"You love her, don't you?" I ask Seulgi, who lies awake on the couch.

"I do," She replies without hesitating.

"You're only hurting yourself,"

I heard her sigh like she's been through this a thousand times. "It's worth the pain anyway. I want to give her the love she deserves. You don't know how terrifying it is when morning comes because you'll have to look at her to see whether she's breathing. Though I'll never receive her love like the way she loves Lisa, I'm still thankful. I'm here because I'm her friend." She turns to her side before saying, "You guys need to fix the problem you have with her because we'll never know if she'll make it. You all are still hurting and need to talk. Do it before it gets too late, make a decision, and have your regrets later,"

I stared at Chaeyoung lying beside Jisoo. I sigh and lay down. There isn't a problem between us except for Lisa and Jisoo. Chaeyoung and I only needed an explanation of her disappearance. With that already being done, all that is left is to rebuild our friendship once again. It's going to be complicated when you have Joohyun and Lisa together. Jisoo unnie is not even on good terms with them both.

I've made a lot of useless wishes if given a chance to grant me once. I wish for Jisoo unnie to be well. She's already suffered enough. Her parents can't lose their daughter. Their siblings can't lose their younger sister, and her closest friends can't lose their precious friend. Jisoo unnie was like a foundation for the four of us. She's always positive and does not mind the negatives coming her way.

Now that Jisoo and I are on good terms along with Chaeyoung. I want to tell her everything that has happened in Los Angeles. How we achieved our dreams and how we couldn't forget her advice whenever we were dealing with problems. We've come so far, and Jisoo's been far behind.

The best we can do right now is be there for her. We may be a little late, but we need to be strong for her. That way, she'll be strong enough to fight cancer again. She may have been suffering alone, but now we'll be there. 

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I hope this was worth an update.

I apologize for the errors.

I may not have told you how much I love you. But my every letter, every word, and every story. Bleeds for the love I have for you.