Suffocate II Lisoo

Chapter 11

J O O H Y U N

Night came, and Dad volunteered to take care of Jisoo for the night while we headed home. Yuri said that Jisoo needs to stay in the hospital now that her health is their top priority.

Lisa was still taking a bath in our room, so I was left to think under the darkness downstairs in the living room. I remember what happened that morning.

Hate was a strong word. What I felt for Jisoo was never hate. I was just jealous and disliked certain aspects of her. She was too optimistic to the point it annoyed me. Mom and Dad paid too much attention to her. I understand that she's the youngest, but sometimes they ignore me for my sister. I moved to Canada because I didn't want to live in the same household as her. It felt like it was a fresh new start once I moved.

I thought it was best to ignore Jisoo no matter how hard she tried to make it work between us. I didn't want to lose myself in anger because it would lead to no good. Sometimes, anger is a wasted emotion. Anger burns hot, take control, and breeds violence and hate. My silence was interrupted when Seokjin went down and sat opposite me. He inhales deeply and clasps his hands together.

"I'm sorry," He starts.

"It's fine,"

He shakes his head, "No, it's not fine. I'm sorry for my anger. Sometimes I can't stay silent, and I lose control when this rage is bottled up." He began to tear up as guilt was written all over his face.

"Sometimes it's better to let it all out," Maybe it'll help you and the person to understand the problem and work it out. But it doesn't work all the time.

"That was out of anger and stupidity," He argues. "I hurt people that mean so much to me; maybe that's when people say rage is blind. We don't see in those moments what we become, only after."

"It's fine, Seokjin-ah. We all make mistakes," He pouts, making me chuckle because he's the eldest, and it feels like I'm the adult here.

"I'm sorry as well for treating our little sister like shit," I added and started to cry again. The guilt was eating me up.

"Why'd you do it?" I whipped my head to the voice and saw Mom walking towards me and sitting beside me. She held my hand and gave me a comforting smile.

"I was jealous," I started and leaned forward as Mom embraced me, running her hand on my arm, telling me to keep going, and so I did. I told her everything that I had been feeling for the past years. I even told Mom the things I wanted to say during the times when I couldn't. When I finished talking, Mom gestured for Seokjin to join us.

"Honey, I'm sorry," She says. "I'm just as lost, damaged, and screwed up as the rest of you," She sobbed, and I shook my head.

"I know I'm not perfect. Yet I still failed to be a mother to you,"

"N-No, you just did what you could. Jisoo needed you more," I tried to explain. We knew Mom loved us all equally. Dad told us of Mom's family history of Leukemia, and we were scared.