Panem today, panem tomorrow, panem forever (a hunger games fan fic)

Bad night

There were not so many days left. Tomorrow would be the interview with Ceaser and then we would go into the games. I was not ready. These training days had just felt like a very nice get-to-know-your-team-week and I didn't even want to think about what would happen as we enter the arena. The day had been spent training and training. We had to be ready with everything and prepeared for the big games.

Clamonia had teached us the manors and I had mostly been taught by Cecelia. I had not really got a grip of Woof. He was not really such a good mentor if someone ask me.

I had got a little better with the knifes but Cecelia also taught me how to make traps and hunt with a spiere.

I think I was ready, but not knowing what kind of nature we would step in to was really tearing me apart. I could only picture me the worst and then I had to stop thinking or I would end up lying awake screaming at nights.

I had thought about Gavin every single day and just hoped that he was safe. the only thing that made me feel calm was to think about the mountains that you could see from the roofs of the houses in our district. It was wonderfull to thinking about how it would be standing up there feeling the wind in my hair and earth under my feet.

I always changed the window to the mountain as I went to bed. I usually didn't sleep so well in this capitol. I liked my small hard wooden bed more.

But this night, even of I thought about the mountains and mum, I couldn't stop thinking about the games. The pictures of the last games were playing in my head and even if I tried thinking of mum. The only thing I heard was the screams of the fallen tributes and the canon going off.

I eventually fell asleep but only to wake up screaming. My body was burning hot but I was freezing. My tears ran down my face and I couldn't stop my feelings anymore. I let it all out. I sat up in my bed screaming and crying at the same time. Why? Why do they do this to us? Why did all this happen to me. Why the games. Why did mum die? Why did dad change? I hated him. He didn't even say goodbye.

I  grab the small remote that lies on the table next to my bed and throw it into the wall screaming.

"I hate you! I HATE YOU!" the door is being opened and I am crying and shaking as Fergus lift me up and carry my out to the livingroom.

I can hear Clamonia through my crying.

"Is she okay?" Her tiny capitol voice say.

"I take care of her. Just go to bed." Fergus say and put me down in the couch. I had stopped the crying but my tears were still running.

He slowly rubb my shoulder and pull me into his cheast.

"I can't do this. I can't!" I wisper and close my eyes. He hug me tighter and take a breath.

"I know," he say. "I know."

"It's your dad. Am I right?" He say then and I nod in his chest.

He was right, he always was. I was mad at my dad. How could he do this. I couldn't leave Gavin alone with him for even a day without seeing him drunk. He couldn't take care of his own children. Couldn't he notice how we felt?

"It's okay. Don't think of him. Gavin is safe now. Tressa is taking care of him. He will never get beaten or even get close to your dad." Fergus say and pull away a hairstring from my face.

I was starting the feel better. Fergus was very good at that.

He just sit next to me holding one of my hand and slowly start to sing a song.

See there above the trees,
a world full of lighted stars.
Showing us where to go.
Showing us what we don't know.
Shut out the world, let your fantasy fly. Up to the world where stars shine bright.  Up to the world with me tonight.

It was a beautiful song that I think I heard in the district before. I could relax as I listened to it. And after a while the tears had dried and I just lied there listening to Fergus soft voice. The sound of screams and canons were gone. And for once during this whole thing, I could sleep feeling safe. No nightmares and no bad thoughts. Just falling asleep to the soft sound of the tunes from our district.

Nothing could harm me now. I was was safe inside his arms. I felt like nothing could ever harm me now. We could stay like this forever. This was how I wanted my future.

But I was part of their game. The capitols game where they didn't care about my feelings. I was gonna fight for my life just to be seen on tv all over Panem. But now. That was nothing I was thinking about. Now I was with a boy that I slowly without realising was falling for. In one way I think I always had liked him. But I was to stupid to realise that. He had always treated me in the nicest possible way. He was the one who had always asked how I was feeling and knew it without asking. I think I loved him. But I didn't want to. He was Fergus. My best friends brother.