~Emily~
We decided to take a bus back to our neighborhood cause it was sort of a far walk.
Alice went over to go see the bus schedule while Pony and I sat on the bench waiting.
I noticed that Pony looked kinda... not well. You'd think maybe it's just because, well, his best friends in the hospital dying. But I could tell it wasn't only that. He looked sick.
"Are you feeling okay Ponyboy?" I asked, "I mean, I know everyone's worried about Johnny and stuff, but you don't look too good."
"I'm fine," he snapped.
I looked down at my hands in my lap.
"...sorry," he said after. "I actually am feeling sort of sick. I have been, since yesterday. But please, please, please don't tell Darry or Soda," he begged.
"I don't know..." I trailed.
"Emily, look," he put two fingers under my chin and turned my head to face him. "I'll be fine, alright? If I just take a handful of aspirin, I'll be good to fight tomorrow night. And they need all the greasers they can get."
I felt my stomach twist into knots at the mention of tomorrow night's rumble. I told Alice about it, and she agreed that it wasn't a good idea.
He noticed the uneasy look still on my face. "Please. For me?"
I gave in. I had to. I was so worried about him but I didn't want to betray his trust by snitching.
I sighed. "Okay. Fine. But just know... I'll be worrying about you." I whispered the last part.
"You don't have to worry about me, okay?" He whispered back.
"Okay guys, five minutes till the next bus." Alice said as she plopped down next to me. She seemed bubbly enough, but I knew she was just trying to get her mind off Johnny.
I have really been wanting to tell her all about what's been going on between Pony and I, like our conversation last night. But it feels hardly fair when the boy she loves is sort of on his death bed. I don't want to make her think she'll never get to experience those things with Johnny. So I've kept quiet.
***
Pony and I dropped Alice and I off at her house and then we were off to mine.
When we got to my doorstep, Pony said, "are you sure you'll be alright by yourself?"
I thought back to last night when I felt like I needed him with me. I feel the same way now. But I couldn't ask him to do that. He has his own worries and I'm not one of them.
"It's okay," I replied, hiding my longing for him.
He frowned. "I'm staying anyway."
"No, no, you don't have to do that, really." I responded.
"Emily I know you will be fine, but with all of the Socs around town, and the big rumble tomorrow... just let me stay, even for only a few hours. Just so I can be sure you're okay."
I sighed. "Fine," but secretly I was very happy.
I immediately felt shame for being so happy. How could I be happy when Johnny's in the hospital?
Pony noticed the sudden sadness in my face. "What's wrong?"
I sighed. "Nothing. I'm just still worrying about Johnny."
But it wasn't just that. Yes, I was worried about Johnny but I was starting to get more and more anxious about the rumble tomorrow. But I could never tell him that.
"It's okay, Em," he said, pulling me into a hug. "Come here."
I wrapped my arms around him and he did the same. I buried my head into his shoulder. "It'll be fine, alright? Johnnys strong."
He pulled away after a minute and we walked inside my house silently.
Ponyboy walked over to the small TV that Dallas had stolen from somewhere. He switched it on and grabbed the remote. "How about we watch a movie?"
"Okay," I replied emotionlessly. "You can pick."
He put something random on and sat next to me on the couch.
Maybe like an hour in of Pony trying to tell me jokes and making commentary on the movie (which I honestly couldn't even tell you what it was about), he got sick of my unresponsive self. He paused the movie. "Emily. What are you really so upset about? It can't just be Johnny. I know it ain't. There's gotta be something else."
I shrugged.
He sighed. "Please, just talk to me."
I felt that burning in my nose that I got before I'd start sobbing. I tried my best to push away all my emotion. I closed my eyes for a few seconds, willing for the tears to disappear.
Once they did, I finally spoke.
"I... I don't want you to fight in the big rumble tomorrow."
His face immediately turned from sympathetic to angry. "Why not?" He demanded. "You think I can't handle it? You think I'm too weak, huh? Just like everyone else."
"No, that's not what I meant-"
He cut me off. "And I thought you were different. God, why doesn't anyone believe in me!"
"No! You've got it all wrong!" I cried.
He scoffed. "What you're saying, it seems crystal clear to me." He stood up and started toward the front door, grabbing the handle.
"Wait! Please!" I said. But he didn't turn around. He was about to go. I couldn't let him go.
I grabbed his wrist. "Listen," I said. "Ponyboy, fighting doesn't fix anything! It makes it worse! Kids who are taught violence use violence their whole life and pass it on to their kids! It never ends!"
He finally stopped trying to leave, but he didn't turn around to face me.
"Please," I cried again, "Ponyboy. No matter what happens tomorrow night, Bob is still going to be dead and Johnny is still going to be dying! It's not going to help having more people injured!"
"Whatever, Emily. Steve was right about you. You are kind of a bitch."
Tears sprung in my eyes. With all my force, I pulled him back around by his arm to face me.
"Please," I whispered. I was begging, pleading. "Pony, don't you want to live in a world where people care about each other? Where not everything's always about social class? Where there's no such thing as a Soc or a Greaser, no rivalries, and everyone's happy?"
For a split second, his eyes became sympathetic again. His mean face fell. But then, it came back, just as quick as it faded.
"That world doesn't exist."
And with that, he snatched his arm away, walked out, and slammed the door behind him.
