I Think I Might Be

Chapter 13

It's been a few days since things happened between Ava and Bri. Ava just got home from work. It's been a long day, but it's Friday so she's happy to be able to relax for a little while. As soon as she got home, she took a shower and got comfortable on the couch with a glass of wine. She was cuddled up with her blanket, and she decided to find something to watch on tv.

She started watching a show, but she eventually got sidetracked with her thoughts. She knew Bri was going to want an answer soon. Honestly, Ava was still confused. She really wanted to be with her. It felt right, but at the same time she didn't want to risk it all. Things might be extremely different in a relationship.

Ava's mind was going crazy. Was she overthinking everything? Her mind was saying slow down and be cautious, but her heart was telling her to try it. She just didn't know what to do.

Ava also couldn't deny the fact that Maya still ran across her mind every now and then. Would it be fair to Bri to be in a relationship with her right now when she was still thinking about another woman? That seemed wrong. Maybe she wasn't in love with Maya, but that was still the first woman she was with and she left so suddenly. Maya was still going to be on her mind for a while.

The thing that worried Ava the most though was losing her best friend. She and Bri already talked about still staying friends even if its ends, but Ava knew that things could change. What if something bad happened and they never want to see each other again? That would hurt a lot. She would end up alone with no one to talk to. Bri knew everything about her. There was no way she could find a better friend or even start another close friendship with someone else. It just wouldn't be the same.

Ava knew the attraction was undeniable though. There was a spark when they kissed and made love. She felt loved and adored and cared for. Bri was so intuned with her body. She was a great listener. Bri had been giving her good advice for years. She responded so well. She got upset with some of the things Ava did, but that's only because she cared. Bri was just an overall passionate person, so when someone she cared about did something wrong she made it her mission to help them.

Thinking about all of this was making Ava even more confused. She still didn't know what decision she was going to make. Sure enough, while she was thinking about all of this Bri texted her. Bri asked if she could come over tomorrow to talk. Of course, Ava said yes. She knew she'd have to think more about this tonight and come up with an answer by tomorrow.
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**The next day**

The next day Bri came over to Ava's apartment. They both sat on the couch to talk.

"So how have you been?" Bri asked.

"Pretty good. What about you?" Ava asked.

"Same here" Bri replied "So have you thought anymore about everything?" Bri asked.

"Yeah, I have..." Ava started.

"Ok well before you continue I want to tell you something" Bri said.

"Ok" Ava said nervously.

"I just wanted you to know that I broke things off with Jess" Bri said.

"Really?" Ava asked in shock. She didn't think Bri would do that so soon.

"Yes. I don't want that to influence your decision or anything, but I thought you should know. It just didn't feel right and there was a lot going on with her that I never told you about...but I can tell you more about that later. I'd much rather just stick to us." Bri said.

Hmmm I bet I know what that other stuff is Ava thought to herself.

"Ok. That's fine. Thank you for telling me" Ava said with a slight smile.

"So what have you been thinking... about us?" Bri asked.

"Ok.. so...I have been thinking about it a lot... but honestly I still don't know" Ava said.

"What's holding you back?" Bri asked.

"The biggest part is losing you as a friend, and I know we already talked about that, but I still don't know. I mean we don't know what will happen in the future" Ava explained.

"I understand that, but you have my word that I will do everything in my power to save our friendship no matter what happens." Bri stated.

"I see. I believe you" Ava replied.

"Ok good. So what else? I know that can't be it" Bri said.

"I mean... then there's also Maya..." Ava said looking down.

"What does she have to do with any of this? She's not even here anymore" Bri said slightly irritated.

"I know.. but I have to be honest.. I still think about her. That's not fair to you. I shouldn't be in a relationship while I'm thinking about someone else" Ava said honestly.

"Oh my gosh. You've got to be kidding me.." Bri said fully irritated now.

"What?" Ava questioned.

"You're making every excuse possible for us not to be together" Bri replied as she rolled her eyes.

"No, I'm not. I swear. I'm just being cautious and really thinking about it. I don't want to make a mistake. Maybe if I just had a little more time..."

"More time?!?" Bri said interrupting Ava.

"I'm sorry" Ava said.

Bri sighed loudly "You know what.. it's fine. Take all the time you need."

"Are you serious?" Ava asked.

"Yeah. It's clear you're still confused, and I want both of us to really want this. I'll just wait I guess."

Ava felt horrible. She didn't want to keep Bri waiting, but she just felt stuck and afraid. Why couldn't she just say yes?

"I'm so sorry" Ava said.

"It's ok. I'm not going to wait forever though girl."

"I know. I know. I'm going to get it together" Ava said.

"Ok. I'll text you later" Bri said standing up to leave.

"Alright" Ava said as she stood up and leaned in for a hug.

Ava wanted desperately to feel Bri's tight embrace, but Bri's hug was loose. It wasn't nearly as tight as it usually was.

Once Bri left, Ava was left with her thoughts. Her stomach was tight, and she felt extremely emotional. She wanted to cry, but she was also angry. She had no idea why she couldn't just make the decision. It felt like there was so much pressure on her now. She knew she'd had to make a decision soon.