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❗ 𝙨𝙖𝙣𝙚𝙢𝙞 𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙖𝙯𝙪𝙜𝙖𝙬𝙖 | 𝙞 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙖𝙡𝙬𝙖𝙮𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚 [1/2]

Angst~♡
!¡Manga Spoiler¡! - Read at your own risk
1054 words

[a/n: i will be using lowercase letters]

i was always there, but you never noticed

why? am i cursed? to love but not to be loved?

my heart has always been beating for you. it's yearning for you, crying for you, but of course, i don't tell you. i keep quiet, i'm in the shadows, always just observing, doing nothing. i cried some nights, and smiled during the day. you could never see behind my smile, not that you tried to. not so many people think good of you, but to me, you're amazing. i was always there. i was beside you, there for you when you needed me. but was that my only purpose? i always wanted something more than just a hug, or a thank you. am i being too selfish? was a kiss or an i love you too much? an i need you? maybe this was too much, and i was punished to never having you. when your abusive father would hurt you, i was there for you. i comforted you, amended to you, and told you everything was going to be okay. i was your best friend from childhood. when you and your brother escaped from your mother, who had turned into a demon, i was there and i helped you. you felt guilty of having to kill her, so i told you that you had to do it or both of you were going to die. i told you that you didn't have to feel guilty. when you cried, i was your shoulder to lean on. but even so, i was never the cause of your smile. you truly didn't smile so often, but when you do, i feel so happy. we trained together, we became demon slayers together. then...

you met her..

ever since you did, you were happy. you guys trained together, became pillars together as i stayed in the shadows. kanae was an amazing person. she was kind to me and everybody else around her. i get why you chose her, why you loved her, why you prioritized her more than me. no need to feel bad, i get it. that's how love works, right? it makes us fools, mad ones even. i per se have experienced that. i loved you so dearly, but you never noticed. should i have told you earlier? or maybe i was truly cursed to never be loved.

then again, not everybody gets happy endings..

you lost her too...

you cried

you wanted to scream so much

i was there, patting your back as you let out your sorrows. she died. of course you would be sad. of course! you loved her dearly. you truly did. after that, you rarely showed any emotion. i tried getting even closer to you, but to no avail. what's wrong? was i not enough for you to notice? for you to love? am i that stupid?

no..

who am i kidding?

i was never a choice in the first place. i was never someone you would ever consider spending your life with. i was just a person at the back, an observer, a side character. i was never going to be the main character of your heart. i never had the chance too... or at least i was not given one. i would watch you from afar as you trained and all. i was no stalker. i just couldn't get close to you. it felt like you were out of my reach. i kept on running and running, but i knew i could never catch up to you, for you were so far away. you were my best friend, but now you feel like a stranger.

was it because you lost her? your everything? the woman of your dreams?

or were you being haunted by your past again? tell me...

tell me...

i'm here to help you, i've always been. why won't you talk to me anymore. don't you trust me? do you not need me anymore? why are you distancing yourself..?

have you forgotten about me?

have you?

did you really...

no, you didn't.

genya died. your bond with him wasn't typically the strongest, but you were still sad, in tears. it looked like you lost everything. no, you actually did. you lost your family, the love of your life, and now the only remaining family you have. don't worry, i'm here. i will always be right here, beside you when you need me, because i love you. i will comfort you.

people would often depict you as cold-hearted and mean. i guess they don't get it, do they? i get you, don't worry. you've been through, and you're going through a lot. i understand. cry your heart out as much as you want. scream all your pain. i get it...

in the end, i will always just be a best friend. i will never be the love of your life, i could never replace her. i will never be your ideal type. i will never be someone you'd love romantically. my purpose is to comfort you, help you. i will always be there for you, over and over again. i... will... always... be... here-

no. i truly am an idiot. thinking i can protect you, be with you, or always be there for you. what a joke. i'm dying. you're not even beside me. so this is how it ends, huh? i'm alone once again. nobody here with me. i'm once again just a side character which nobody pays mind to. i am a joke. though you didn't notice me. you never loved me back. you were dense to the fact i've always loved you. i will still carry on these feelings to the after life. i could never stop loving you. never. i never got the chance to tell you. after this, i won't be there for you anymore. i was hurt emotionally, for the time span i've been with you. but it's alright. you made me happier than sad. you were a good person to me, even if you once ignored me. i thank you for everything. for letting me feel these good and bad feelings. ti'll we meet again, love~

i will always be with you...

[End]