Killing Me Slowly / OUMASAI /

The Phantom Thief

Kokichi's POV

I take a long sip of my grape panta while pondering what my next move will be. This detective guy, Shuichi Saihara, sounds quite interesting. I don't believe that we've met before.

But that... was just a lie.

Of course I've met Shuichi before! I'm his old classmate, Kokichi Ouma.

We used to be best friends back in high school. Just kidding.

That was a lie too.

I think it was a lie...

Jeez I even confuse myself sometimes.

Anyway, I'm The Phantom Thief! Amazing, I know. Soon, the whole world will know my name. I take another sip of my stolen panta. Did I mention... that I have a severe addiction to panta? I mean, who wouldn't though? Panta is all I could ever want in life. Besides Shumai's heart... I chuckle to myself. (Kokichi gave Shuichi the nickname Shumai)

I hear my stomach growl. "Mannn I'm hungry!"I prance over to my food cabinet. All I see is an empty package of Skittles and some M and M's. "Aww man! Where'd all the food go," I pout. "Maybe I'll steal some more food and panta from that gas station," I say to myself. I lick my lips (In the least weird way possible) at the thought of more Panta all to myself.

I wonder if Shuichi has seen the note I planted in his suit case yet? I snicker to myself. "I'm so sneaky," I laugh.

I hear my stomach growl once again. "Man, I really am hungry! I guess I have no choice but to go steal from a gas station," I exclaim dramatically.

I should get going now then...

Time skip becuz I is lazy

"Hey! You look awfully similar to someone," I hear one of the gas station workers exclaim to me. "Oh, I do? I don't recall ever visiting this store," I lie.

"Oh, I must have mistaken you for someone else," they say uncertainly.

"Nah! I'm just kidding, I'm the one who robbed your store last time," I exclaim.

"HEY! GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW," the worker demands.

"Nishishi! I'll pass on that one," I respond.

I burst out of the store laughing my ass off. "Man! He really fell for that lie?"

I feel a hand on my shoulder. Oops. I forgot that that guy was chasing me. "Sorry, but I have somewhere to be!" I quickly swat his hand off of my shoulder. "I'll be back," I laugh.

I skip away from the store happily. "Man, It's just too easy to steal these days," I say with my arms full of panta and junk food. I hear police sirens in the distance, and get the memo that it's about time I should be running. As I hear the sirens getting closer to me I start booking it back to my apartment.

"Nishishi! You'll never catch me alive," I yell back at the police.

All of the sudden I swiftly run into a dark alleyway, hoping to loose the police. I hear distant murmurs. (most likely the police searching for me) I try to hold in my laughter. I already got them off of my back! I quickly ran out of the dark alleyway and start acting as if nothing ever happened. I pull my black hood over my head, in hopes to disguise myself with other people.

I pick my pace up to a fast trot. I decide to shove most of my panta and junk food into a backpack I happened to be carrying on me (so I would look less suspicious)

Eventually the sound of police sirens faded completely, and I chuckle to myself with delight. I got away again! Though I wish it had been more challenging to get away.

You see, I see all of this as a game. Nishihsi!

And of course, I am the mastermind of this game!

You might be able to guess, but I easily get bored.

That's why I have set my Shumai up to come back to Japan.

And though he wouldn't admit it, he was getting quite lonely in Japan. I mean, It's not like anyone would take time out of their day to check up on him, right? Ouma had completely been ignored by all of Hope Peaks High School's students after graduation. Besides, who would want to check up on that liar?

Time skip brought to you by quarantine

Finally, I'm home! I grab all of the panta I could out of my black bag, and shove it into my mini fridge. I go back to retrieve the other snacks while thinking about my old classmates.

"It's not like I thought at least one of them would try and check up on me," Ouma tried to convince himself.

Not even Shuichi...

I actually thought we were friends...

Ha! Got you!

That was... a lie too.

Yeah, a lie.

Kokichi plopped down onto his black couch.

Maybe I'll watch the news...

Who am I kidding? It'll probably be more shit about The Phantom Thief.

Though Kokichi didn't mind having all of the attention focused on him, It made it quite hard to find something interesting to watch.

I sigh. I guess I'll just go to bed early tonight.

May the mystery of The Phantom Thief live on another day...