Jet and Jade | Black and White 1

Chapter 15: Jet

"I-I..." Jade stammered.

I stared at her, eyes steady but inwardly shaken. Even though I asked, I already knew what she had done.

She had searched my room.

The bravery she had these days. It was good, but right now, not so much.

"I'm sorry..." Jade whispered.

"Sorry isn't enough," I said coldly, putting my hands on my hips. "What have you done?"

"I... searched your room..." Jade said in a small voice.

"Why?" I asked.

Did she not trust me enough? Could she not wait for me to tell her? Deep down, I already knew the answers to my questions. Jade was never going to trust me, no matter how I tried. It wasn't really her fault, though. I was the one who had been lying, the one who was keeping secrets. I felt the cold wrap around my heart, as weird as it sounded, and I shuddered.

Go away. You cannot take me.

"I... wanted to know what that circular thing was... I'm sorry."

"If you're not sorry, then don't say you are," I snapped. "If you wanted to know, you could've asked."

"You would never tell me... and you know that!" Jade cried, looking up at me with glassy eyes filled with warm tears.

A tear leaked out of my own eye when I saw her like that, but it was cold. As cold as the ice killing me.

"Listen to me, Jade. I'm only saying this once," I said. "I know you're curious, and that you want the truth. But what you don't know won't hurt you. The truth hurts more than any lie or blade ever could, so stop trying to find it out."

"But, Jet!" Jade cried.

"I'm sorry I cannot tell you anything more than this," I told her, blocking out all the pain I felt at having to lie to her again.

I could tell her more. I just couldn't. That sounded weird, but it was true. It wasn't as though I physically couldn't, it was just that I mentally couldn't.

A hurt look came into her eyes, and a little rage boiled in me. I was doing this for her own good. I was protecting her. Then guilt washed over me. Who was I to lie to her? Who was I to say I was protecting her?

I took a deep breath, but the tightness in my head didn't fade. There wasn't enough air in my brain, but no matter how hard I breathed it was still the same. Maybe it was a mental problem more than a physical one.

Yet another mental problem.

I closed my eyes, willing myself to calm down. The buzzing in my head slowly faded, and I felt Jade's worried look drilling a hole into my head.

"It's okay," she mumbled. "You don't have to tell me. I understand."

You don't.

You will never understand.

"You should rest... you look tired."

I'm not.

I've stopped growing tired long ago.

"I can make dinner. Please, Jet..."

You can't.

You burnt the last pan you tried to cook in.

"Jet," Jade said after inhaling sharply at the hopelessness in my dark gaze. "Are you listening?"

I nodded my head in silent agreement.

I'm not.

I can never listen properly to you.

I was never going to say the truth to her... I would never tell her what I really thought. This damned world was already hurting her so much, I couldn't become part of that factor.

"Sure," I said, trying to sound bright and failing miserably.

Jade didn't seem to notice it, and she ran off to make dinner.

Great.

Hopefully dinner wouldn't be ruined.

I lay down on the bed, arms and legs spread out. I let my resolves and mask crumble away, showing brittle, hard emotion.

It was so hard.

So hard to keep myself hidden.

Why did I even bother?

What I hated most was how to answer immediately came to me. Because if I didn't, Jade would get hurt.

But why did I bother protecting her? It was not as though she appreciated it at all.

Yet the answer to this came, as much as I hated it. Because I would never be able to resent or hate her.

She was my twin sister. My only family. I didn't care about our mother; she had dumped us here too. Jade... the only one who hadn't abandoned me...

Yet.