" Kentrell began to show signs , I wanted to believe it was all in my head , and I was just scared to love .. the sad truth was that it wasn't all in my head though, I wasn't as afraid to love as I thought I was, and that; I would soon realize .
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" so you lied to me?" I asked him , before taking a sip of my chocolate frosty . I wasn't the type to judge , but why would he be talking to me if he had a girlfriend? A baby momma at that ? It just didn't make sense .
" do dat matta? Ya know now." He said to me smartly , leaning back on his head board . I shook my head . " you still lied about it Kentrell , and you told me you didn't have any kids.." I said to him . He mugged me before speaking:
" I know dat Brook, I'm sorry , get ova it , let's move on.." he said to me , reaching over to try and grab my hand . I quickly moved away from him .
" if you think I'm about to be talking to you while you have a fucking girlfriend , you must be mistaken." I said to him . He had to be kidding I mean , who did he think I was? Some hoe of the month? Some groupie thirsty for his money? Well this wasn't that .
" look, it's a lot ah shit that come with being my girl.. if ya wanna talk ta me, you gotta do things my way , ok?" He said to me . I looked away from him . I did want him . I wanted him badly . He had a way with words , and with just the right sentence , he had me wrapped around his fingers.
" but Kentrell, how am I supposed to be able to trust you if you already lying to me about stupid shit?" I said to him . He smirked and patted his lap. I put my drink down on his night stand , and I climbed into his lap.
" you love me right?" He asked me . I didn't know what to say I mean , I hadn't know him for that long , but.. I did love him , it was weird but I did . He was all I really had .. Sure me and my mom lived in the same house , but she was practically gone like my dad now , and that's what made it so easy for Kentrell . He knew how alone I was — how vulnerable I was .
" yes Kentrell I love you?" I said to him . He shook his head and did this chuckle , it was an evil chuckle though, one that was hard to explain . " youn wan fo ta luh me.." he said , gripping my waist . " but I do Kentrell , I do." I said to him . I wanted to prove to him that I did so badly , I wanted him to feel loved , and by the things he did to me , I could tell he wasn't loved by many . I could tell because hurt people , well hurt people really do hurt people.
" well den , ya can show me , I'm willing ta be wit you , but you gotta listen ta me.. I'm daddy now Brook .. ya do what I say and ya follow my directions. If ya want me , you can't have me all ta yah self .. you gotta share." He said to me , pulling my head close to his chest .
I was so naive .. I couldn't believe that I was actually gonna put up with this shit .. I mean it really was crazy . What did he mean I had to share? What's mine is mine and that's that. I barely like sharing food, never mind a nigga , but I soon learned , I would do anything for Kentrell , I was willing to do anything for him because him himself made me that way.
He then grabbed my face and he kissed me on the lips , he slipped his tongue into my mouth . I just took it , shocked . He pinched the sides of my legs , I groaned in pain and I kissed him back . We made out for a couple minutes , it felt like eternity. He then reattached his lips from mines and looked me in the eyes .
" Brook , I want you .." he said to me . I looked away from him .. was I truly ready for this ? Was I ready to loose my virginity at seventeen? I had a lot to think about , but he didn't give me the time, because that was when he pushed me off his lap . He then got on top of me . " I don't really give ah fuck if ya ready ah not bitch , ya gon be ready when I say ya ready." He said to me while I just looked at him , terrified. Horror filled my mind . Why was he doing this to me? What had I done so wrong ?
He pulled off Nike joggers , then my under garments . I really don't like to go into depth about what happened after that but he — he fucked me . He fucked me all night , all the way up until 10:00am the next morning .
He kept saying things like , " damn ma , ah nigga can't stop , ya pussy too good." I didn't say anything back I just laid there and took it . Tell me , do you think this is considered rape? Till this day , I still don't know wether to consider it as it or not . I know other girls went through worst than what happened to me that night .
When we stopped, he climbed off of me , breathing hard . I just stayed still .. still trying to process what happened . I felt him staring into my soul as I looked up at the ceiling . " did ya like it?" He asked me . I didn't say anything . He then reached over and grabbed my face , making me look him in the eyes .
"Na I asked yo ass ah question , I expect ah answer, did ya like it?" He asked me . I knew something bad would happen if I said no , so I just shook my head yes .
He let go off my face and I looked back up at the ceiling . I wanted to put all of my clothes on and leave .. I wanted to get out of there .. I knew my mom would be worried about me . But was she really? The whole time I was with Kentrell, she hasn't called or texted to see where I was . It was crazy .. I never thought she would be the one to betray me , I mean out of everyone.
My thoughts were interrupted by Kentrell's voice .
" You ever heard of ah polygamist relationship?"
That question , was the start of the worst . That question was one of the biggest reasons I am here today , at this therapy session. That question, was the question , that shattered my hopes , and ruined whatever dreams I had left inside me .
