" he drained me of my identity and injected self doubt into my veins . He left me questioning my own sanity, walking around aimlessly. At war with my body everyday , trying to scrub his heavy words off my skin . My mental state had been drained to its core . I didn't know who I was anymore." I said , reading the therapist one of the poems I had written .
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Kentrell didn't like when me and Mercedes wore any thing to revealing. He claimed that we were his , and that our bodies were only his to look at . He always had us in joggers and hoodies , he made us tomboys, well at least while we were out . But when we were at home , he turned us into his personal thots . I mean , we had all the lingerie you could ever hope for .
" babe , can we do something fun today?" Mercedes asked Kentrell as we all laid in bed , of course with him in the middle . He was the king of this love triangle.
He had woken up in a good mood today . See with Kentrell , the mood he woke up in told us the side of him we'd be getting . Either the bad side , who beat , raped , hurt . Or the good side that made you feel loved , made you laugh , and just made you feel amazing about yourself .
That would be the side we'd be getting of him today . " yea , ya wanna get ah tattoo?" He asked us both . I had already gotten tattoos before , so I wasn't really nervous , I was up for it .
" yes , that seems like fun , I need to think about what imma get though." I said to him , scrolling through Instagram..
" man shut da fuck up, it's obvious y'all gon be getting my name." He said reaching to take my phone out my hand . I decided to just let him take it , I didn't have time to fight with him today . I sighed and looked away from him. How did I end up so , so incapable of having control over myself ..
" well what happens if we break up Kentrell? I don't think that's a very smar—" Kentrell cut Mercedes off before she could even finish her sentence.
" we not eva breakin up , so don't say no shit like dat no mo." He said , reaching over and grabbing her neck . He then kissed her and I turned away disgusted. Why did I ever agree to this? I mean , I was never the person to— like what the hell? How did I manage to end up in a situation like this .. I didn't even know .
" well y'all gon head and get up and get ready, my nigga that do tattoos gon be over here in a minute, and in ah couple hours , Joe and Tasha gon be coming ova!" He said smacking my ass . I mentally rolled my eyes and got up from our bed . I went over to the dresser and searched for something to wear . When I moved in , Kentrell had made me through all my old clothes out , and made me a new wardrobe. It was filled with joggers , tank tops , and t - shirts . He also had gotten me a lot of Panties and Bra's from Victoria Secret . I got my outfit ready, and went to take my shower.
After I got out the shower , Mercedes got right in , leaving me and Kentrell to have some time alone .
" what's been up wit ya lately? Why ya always gotta attitude?" He asked me as I dried off with the towel . I gave him a fake smile . " Daddy ain't shit been wrong wit me!" I said to him, chuckling after . It was funny how it became so easy to lie about my feelings . Because I knew if I told him how I really felt , He wouldn't even care , and I'd get punished for it .
" man I guess, I'm finna go make a drop , I'a be right back." He said to me , walking out of the bedroom. As soon as he left I moistened my body with my favorite scented lotion from pink , put on some spray deodorant, and then my regular degular clothes. I also sprayed some perfume on me .
I looked down at myself , I was almost unrecognizable, you could take one look at me and tell I wasn't the same anymore , I had realized how skinny I was getting . It was because of Kentrell of course , every bad thing that happened to me back then was because of him . He had been starving me from time to time . If me or Mercedes got in trouble , or got caught doing something we weren't supposed to , he'd make us go days without eating .
The door cracked open and in came Mercedes, she smiled at me , before walking over and placing her lips on top of mine . I acted as if I liked it and kissed her back . Now Mercedes , she was really into girls , but I wasn't .
I was only doing this because I loved him . I was doing it because it was what made him happy , and that's all I wanted him to be , even though he hurt me so bad . It's crazy how someone can put you through so much damn pain , but no matter what , you'll always wish them the best . Even now , I pray that Kentrell is some where getting help, but I know he's probably not . He's probably doing the same thing he did to me , to other girls . It truly frightens me .
I wouldn't wish what Kentrell did to me on my worst enemy . Mercedes walked away from me and did her shit I guess, and what I mean by did her shit is get ready , If you were wondering . After she was done , we decided to go downstairs and make our ' man ' some breakfast.
I was great at making pancakes so I was making those , and Mercedes was making the hash, grits , and the eggs . After we were done eating , we made plates and waited for Kentrell to come home .
I hated his fucking ' job' . When I first met him, I was always curious to what he did to make so much money , I found out that he was selling shit, I mean that good shit . I say that good shit because he forced me to smoke with him once , and I became addicted to weed . It was crazy that he hasn't even realized why though . When I smoked , all the pain that he caused me went away , and my head was far away in the clouds .
When Kentrell made it home , we all sat down together in the living room and ate our food . Kentrell kept on complementing us on how great the food was . I couldn't help but smile .
Hours had passed and his friend Mike had all his 'tools' together , and we were about to get our tattoos . I was real skeptical about it though , I mean at first I said I wouldn't be that nervous because I had already gotten one , but we weren't at a shop , and lord doesn't even know if this man was a professional? I mean what if his needless weren't clean and I got an infection? And what if Kentrell beat me just because of it claiming that I'd " messed up his body" .. yes , he did shit like that .
" ok , who wants to go first?" Mike asked me . Mercedes and me stayed quiet as Kentrell looked at the both of us for an answer.
" I'll go first." I said to him , trying to give off my best smile , but I was dying inside . I didn't want Kentrell's name tatted on me . I already felt like I belonged to him . I mean I did , but I felt like he had bought me , and I was his to keep .
