" when did you know it was over?" The therapist asked me . " when he hurt me, and I apologized."
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There was one day in particular, that I hated the most . I hated it because I was so close .. I was so close of being set free , but of course , I wasn't . Me , Kentrell and Mercedes hadn't been doing shit that whole day .. I was surprised Kentrell didn't even go out .
It was days like this I loved the most, when we spent time together the whole day , and he wasn't in a bad mood, which was more often than him being happy . But I knew deep down inside , there was pain inside him . He wouldn't be hurting me and Mercedes the way he does if he had never been damaged . I was very curious .
I wanted to know what happened to that little boy , what had made him what he became? The truth was I believed in him , I truly , deep down inside , believed he could change . I wanted to believe he could change because I remember when nobody believed in me but my mother , and then I met Kentrell . He changed my life for the worst , and for the better .
He made me feel like , like I was so important to him . He made me feel loved . It was only that I was always doing shit to make him mad . No matter what I did , I couldn't keep him happy for too long , and I didn't understand why .
I wanted him to know that no matter what , I'd always love him , and I know you might think , this bitch is crazy after I say this , but I still do love him.. because I know , he didn't mean what he did . He did but he didn't .
He only did it because he was hurting. He only hurt me because he was hurting . Instead of being weak , I should've gotten him help . I should've lead him to you , but I chose not to. I could've stayed by his side . But it all became too much , if I would've stayed any longer, he would've killed me . He has broken so many bones in my body , literally.
I don't want you to feel like Kentrell is just this bad person okay? I don't want you to feel bad for me , because what I went through made me a stronger person , and it has its benefits. But it also scarred me for life , I don't let people in like I used too . When I get dressed in the morning , I still put on those t shirts and joggers , and I don't want it to be that way anymore . I want to feel comfortable in my body . I want to be able to wear what I want and not feel ashamed , like I'm disrespecting him .
" I mean , I don't really know anything about basketball!" Mercedes said to me and Kentrell as we both laughed . She was dumb enough to think both of the teams , were the same damn team!
" look , I don't know much about basketball either, but I'm not stupid enough to think that both of the teams playing are on the same team ." I said to her . I think one of the reasons that we were so happy that day , well happy at first , was because Kentrell had bought Mercedes a pregnancy test .. and she wasn't pregnant like we thought she was.
" slime you slow fa dat ." Kentrell said holding Mercedes in his arms . I smiled at them both . These were the happy moments , these are the moments that made me stay ..
" well , imma go in the kitchen and fix my ass some kool-aid.. y'all want anything?" I asked them both . " yeah , can you get me one of those cupcakes from your birthday yesterday?" Mercedes asked me . Yes , this was the day after my eighteenth birthday. We didn't do shit but chill and watch movies , Kentrell rarely liked us going anywhere. I still enjoyed it because we were all happy together, which I wanted the most .
Kentrell got me cupcakes , some shit from bath and body works , and he had gotten me a necklace with his name on it. Of course Mercedes didn't get me anything, but only because she couldn't .
" yeah baby , Kentrell you want anything?" I asked him . " nah." He said paying more attention to the game than me . At times , I felt that Mercedes was his favorite, but I didn't show it , I didn't want to seem bitter . So I held it in .
I went into the kitchen and washed my hands . I grabbed a cup and then the green lime kool-aid from out the fridge. I poured me some and then went to grab Mercedes a cupcake , but while doing so , I heard the door bell ring . I wondered who it was , I was very nosy and observant, which often got me into trouble with Kentrell.
I was about to walk out of the kitchen when Mercedes stopped me in my tracks . " Brooklynn, it's your mom , she's looking for you." She said to me . I tried to move her out the way , but she wouldn't let me past by her.
" Kentrell told me to make sure you stay in here." She said to me . I looked at her and frowned . I thought she was my friend? I thought she cared for me? And helping Kentrell keep me from my mother? That didn't show that she cared at all.
" come on stop! mommy! I'm in here!! Mommy!" I screamed for her , but I knew she couldn't hear me , because I couldn't hear her either . Mercedes looked at me in shame .
" do you want him to beat you again Brooklynn huh ? Why you always doing shit to make him mad huh? I don't like seeing you fucking hurt Brooklynn! But I'm starting to think you put some of this shit on yourself . Be fucking quiet." She said to me . I dropped to the floor and just cried .
I wanted my mother , and I know she was heartbroken . My birthday had just passed , I was now legal , and she couldn't even see me . It hurt my heart knowing that she was here for me , I was so close to being set free.. it was crazy what love could do to you, it was crazy what love made some become . But on that day , one question lingered in my mind.
If I was saved , would I not come back to Kentrell? I think at that point , I would've ... and that wasn't a good thing .
" aye y'all can come back in ha now." Kentrell called for us from the living room . I wiped my face off and walked into the living room with Mercedes trailing behind me .
Kentrell grabbed me by my neck and slammed me to the floor . " why the fuck was yo ass so loud fo?" He asked me , his voice filled with anger . I shook my head wiping off some more of my tears .
" Kentrell , why can't you just let me see her for once?" I asked him . He looked down at me , disgusted . " because , she doesn't care about yo ass like me and Mercedes do . She ain't never cared for yo ass!, if she did , she would've payed more attention to yo ass, instead, she was just focused on dat dumb ass job " He said to me .
I don't know how he did it , but that day , he made me believe that what he had said was true . She could've fought harder with him , she could've tried harder to see me that day, she could've asked Kentrell if she could come inside and look around , but she didn't . And for that , I felt she didn't care about me .
I nodded my head , and gathered my self up from the floor . I walked over to him , embracing him into a tight hug .
" yeah , your right Kentrell, I'm sorry.." At that point , I knew I was brain washed. He was making me feel like everything that happened, was my fault .
And Mercedes, who I thought was by my side , started drifting away from me .
