" I wanted to talk about it. Damn it. I wanted to scream. I wanted to yell. I wanted to shout about it. But all I could do was whisper " I'm fine".
The therapist crossed over her legs , giving me her full attention. She wanted to know what I'd meant by that . I was going to tell her.
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" honey, you need to drink your water." My mom said to me as I lied still there in that hospital, the truth was , I wasn't thirsty , the sad thing is, if there was any chance of me being thirsty that day , it would've been for Kentrell. After what he did to me , I couldn't help but think about him . The way he touched me, the way he smelled. I didn't care that he had hurt me because it was normal . But what was not normal was me being without him.
" I told you mom , I'm not very thirsty." I said to her , above a whisper . I didn't want to her to be there. As much as I missed her , I wish she would've just left , and left me to heal in the hospital alone , she knew that wasn't what I truly needed , so she stayed with me , the whole time .
" Please Brook , just take a sip." She said to me . I sighed and took the cup of iced cold water from her . I didn't know how thirsty I was , until I drunk the whole damn cup .
My mom smiled at me as I handed the cup back to her. She sat the now empty cup down on the small table beside me. " see I told you you needed some hydration in your life." She said to me before pinching my cheeks . I flinched .
" omg baby did I hurt you? I'm so sorry?!" She said to me . I chuckled. She hadn't hurt me , my face was just a little sore . And by then , I knew how to handle pain , I could handle pain very well .
" no mom , your fine . I promise." I said to her, moving some of the cords they had wrapped around me off of my face. I hated it here , I wanted to go back home . I wanted to be with Kentrell . But why did I? He hadn't did shit but hurt me over and over and over .
My mom looked at me , and her eyes softened. I knew what was about to come next , the questions . She was concerned about something , and I'm sure it was about Kentrell.
She grabbed my hand and moved some of my hair out of my face. "Baby, your not glowing like you used to , what did that boy do to you through out the whole time you were gone?" She asked me . I sighed looking up at the ceiling , something I always did when I felt , mournful.
I remember it took me a while , but I replied . " mom , he didn't do anything, we just .. chilled out and had fun ." I said to her . She moved away from me , getting angry . This was the side of my mom that didn't come out often , and I hated to see it .
" Fuck that ! He took you , or should I say Kidnapped you!" She said to me , pacing back and forth . I shook my head .
" no mama , I wanted to be with him , he wanted me , and I wanted him.." I said to her . She shook her head , tears rolling down her face.
" no Brooklynn, he used you, he changed you . I can tell . That beautiful sparkle— that beautiful sparkle that used to be in you eyes is now gone ." She said to me , being all pitiful . I hated it, I hated when people felt that way for me . I was convinced that everything that happened to me , I caused.
Back then , I remembered I used to get so mad when people used to try and pen things on Kentrell , like he caused everything. I did start somethings , and sometimes , I deserved his beatings.
" mom , chill! He didn't do anything wrong." I said to her , irritability filled within my voice . I knew she was trying to help me , but back then , I was convinced that I didn't need help , oh was I wrong , I was so wrong to believe that .
She sat down in the chair next to my bed , and looked away from me . I knew she was hurting, but I needed her to understand that I was fine , I was going to be fine , and I needed her to understand that she didn't know Kentrell like I did . She didn't know why he did the things he did to me and Mercedes, and I didn't really want her to know either , because truthfully, i had thought it was none of her business.
But now I know, a mother's love for her child can go far , and a mother would go above and beyond to make sure that their baby girl was okay .
" can you just answer this, did he ever hit you?" She asked me . Did she deserve to know? Fuck that , I knew she deserved to know because she was my mother . But I didn't want her to worry . I didn't want her to feel my pain , because like I said before , I wouldn't wish the pain I felt on my worst enemy , so why would I put it on my mother .
" mom , he did , but it was onl—'" she cut me off as she began to ball. Tears rushed down her face and I just watched as she broke down , I knew it wasn't so much about me telling her that he did , but because I was about to give her a reason to why he did it .
After about ten minutes , she stopped , and she coughed before speaking; " honey , there is no excuse for what he did to you I mean , look at you right now! He is not good for you .. I'm so glad that he's locked up." She said to me .
Those words broke my heart. I hated to think that the man I loved was behind bars , and only because of me . It was sad how back then , all I could think about is trying to get better , so I could visit the police station, and come up with a lie about what happen , and get them to set him free .
I missed my daddy . I missed him so much . I didn't deserve what was happening to me , but he didn't deserve what was happening to him either . He was a hurt soul trying to find his way , he deserved one more chance , he really did.
I wanted to tell that to my mother , but I knew she was already in a bad head space , so I tried my best to reach over to her , and get ahold of her hand . Once I did , I kissed it , and in a small voice .. I whispered :
