" my mom fought hard with me .. she begged and pleaded for me to not go back to him after I left that hospital two weeks later. But I went back to him like I always did . I felt guilty and I felt that I owed him my love . So yeah I was a fool , and I stayed with Kentrell. But I would soon regret it." I said to the therapist.
She looked at me concerned. " So you weren't concerned that he would punish you when you went back to him?? For what you had 'caused'??" She asked me . I clamped my hands together and sat them over my lap.
" I didn't , because I thought he'd be more happy to have me back , I thought that he would let it go , and for him to just have me in his arms, that would be enough for him . But Kentrell had a way with revenge.."
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I watched as Kentrell ate his meal . My stomach was turning , knots beginning to form . I was starving , I was starving to death , and he didn't care. " what ya lookin' at me like dat fo?!" He asked me , his voice booming. He knew exactly why . He was eating in front of me, and he knew that I hadn't ate anything in three days .
" I can't admire you Kenny?" I asked him , looking him up and down . He chuckled, and put his food down on the living room table that sat before him . " after all I've done ta ya.. why you still stay?" He asked me . I thought it was a very dumb question.. but then again , I didn't even know myself .
" I mean— because— I love you Kentrell and you love me, and love is worth fighting for." I said to him . He mugged me . " ya think what I'm doin ta ya is love huh? I can't love you Brook , I don't know how ta love ah bitch .." he said to me .
That was the day I realized something.. I had a flash back of when Kentrell had introduced me to his son Draco . His bond with him was so tight , and I knew he really loved him .. I could tell . But here he was saying that he didn't know how to love . Could it be that he knew how to love , but he just couldn't love me? That had to be the case .
I looked away from him and at the tv . I never found out what happened to Mercedes.. me and Kentrell hadn't seen her. It was just me and him . I thought that with it just being us now , things could get better.
Things didn't get better though , they got worse . I hadn't realized how much I needed her . I couldn't go this route alone , this route with Kentrell . Even though she couldn't save me , she was always there , she knew my pain , and she felt for me .
I think that was one of the reason's I decided to go , I decided that I needed to get out off that relationship. But I decided too late , and that's why I'm here today . I hate to say it but that man broke me . My mom was right . I wish I could've seen what he was doing to me, I wished I could've felt more for myself than I felt for him.
He grabbed me , placing me on his lap . We looked into each other's eyes . We just sat there , starring at each other . My mind began to wonder off . I began to think about the good times and the bad times at that moment, when Kentrell held me close in his lap.
• " stop Kentrell! You know I'm - you know I'm ticklish!" I said to him . But he didn't stop , and Mercedes joined in . " omg y'all -stop!" I said them as I continued to laugh. I laughed so hard my stomach began to hurt•
• " I Luh you baby , we can make it through anything. Imma always ride fa you , and I hope you'd ride fa me." Kentrell said to me . I nodded my head . I was most definitely his little rider. •
• " man ya need to understand, she ain't gon ever love you the way I do Brook. Ya mom ain't shit Brook , but me and Mercedes got you , so everything gon be fine." Kentrell said to me , holding my waist. •
• " nah , all dat shit going in the trash." He said snatching my suit case away from me . I looked at him concerned. " why Kentrell? I don't have any other clothes.." I said to him . He looked at me and said , "it's gon be good , I'll get you more , but if you my girl , you ain't wearing shit like dat. •
• " tell ya moms you gotta ride." He said to me , before turning around and walking out the door . I smiled to myself . •
• " well now that you got me , you ain't gon ever be alone." Kentrell said to me. •
• " aye let me help you wit dat." He said taking the box out of my hand. •
• " you gotta understand that I'a only do dis shit cause I love you . •
• " you ever heard of a polygamist relationship?•
" what you thinking about?" Kentrell asked me . Did he really wanna know? I didn't think he could handle the truth . But I was thinking man , this nigga really did break me. He really did have me hooked to his soul. How could I let him do this to me .
" I was thinking of all the good times we had together.. remember the day after my birthday?" I asked him . He mugged me and moved me off his lap .
" Ight Brooklynn! I know I fucked up dat day , why you keep trynna bring up old shit??!" He asked me . I looked at him confused. What did he mean by this?
" Ken , I was talking about when we was watching that game with Mercedes, and she had thought they were all playing on the same team?" I said to him .
His face softened. I then knew what he thought I'd been getting to. He thought I was talking about when he beat my ass because my mother came to see me .
It was crazy how , every good thing that happened in me and Kentrell's relationship, lead to a bad thing . I looked away from him . I wanted my mother . I wasn't sure why , but I did..
I wanted so bad to call her , but I couldn't even if I tried . Kentrell took my phone from me . He said I needed to gain his trust back .
But what happened after this day was crazy . I knew Kentrell wouldn't ever be able to trust me .. and I knew what happened when Kentrell lost trust for someone .
I knew then , that I had to go . What I had done , I couldn't stay with Kentrell and get away with , like I had gotten away with everything else , I mean accept the fact that he would beat me . But I was sure that Kentrell would be livid, he wouldn't want anything to do with me romantically anymore , he would just keep me around for the abuse.
