Broken Promises

29 | noah

"Navy or black?" Caroline questions, turning to face me and showing two different shades of the same comforter.

Apparently, Caroline's idea of soon-to-be-step-mom-and-step-son bonding includes shopping for bedroom décor, which is what every seventeen-year-old boy loves to do in their free time.

I'm still not sure exactly what drove me to agree to go out shopping with Caroline today. Maybe it's because I've started to feel a little guilty over how I've treated Caroline in the past, and going out with her is my own way of trying to apologize. More likely, I agreed to do this because Blake has been dropping little hints all week that I should try to get to know Caroline a little better, and deep down I know that Blake is right.

Caroline is awaiting my answer expectantly, holding the blankets in her hands. Her blue eyes shine with hope, showing me how hard she's trying right now. Trying to break through my walls whilst trying to help me get settled into my new room, because, even though I've been at my dad's house for weeks now, there's hardly anything in my room that really makes it mine.

I clear my throat before answering, "Um . . . the navy, I guess."

Caroline's smile widens, blue eyes sparkling. "That's what I was thinking," she agrees, setting the black comforter back onto the rack. I watch as she bends down to grab the pre-packaged bed set in the navy I chose, noticing her struggle to grab the package.

Without thinking much of it, I reach down and take the package from her hands. I hoist the pack into the cart, noticing Caroline's relieved expression.

"Thanks," Caroline says. "What else do you need? I was thinking maybe you'd want some curtains, because I know how bright it gets in the morning, and you probably—"

"Curtains sound great," I cut Caroline off, not necessarily to be rude, but because I've come to learn that when Caroline gets nervous, she talks. A lot.

"Okay," Caroline chirps. "I think curtains are on this aisle . . ." I follow after her, pushing the cart with me.

I spend the next two hours shopping with Caroline at the Target in the next town over, buying things for my room and anything else that catches Caroline's eye. I get to learn a little bit about her, too, finding it's not as hard to keep a conversation as I'd previously thought it'd be.

Caroline tells me that she's twenty-nine, and that she graduated from Alabama State and majored in interior design (which explains a lot about her). She met my father through his repair business, telling me the story of how she had pulled into my dad's shop just before her engine burst into flames. As we're picking out towels for my bathroom, Caroline tells me that she knew my father was the one for her because he was the first man to look at her and not make her feel like some silly blonde. From what Caroline vaguely mentions about her past relationships, it's clear that she wasn't treated well by her previous significant others.

I find myself starting to open up to her a little as well. I talk about my job at Dad's repair shop, explaining what kinds of things I do during a workday. She's particularly interested in the Ford dad promised me, telling me that she hasn't seen the old thing run since she first met my father. We start talking about colleges, and I admit that I haven't really put much thought into my future.

"Until I met your dad," Caroline says to me, "I didn't really know what I wanted to do with my life, either. I mean, I'd graduated from college with my degree and everything, but the only job I could seem to keep was a part-time waitress at a diner that paid less than medium wage. I felt like I'd hit an all time low in my life, you know? Like, where was I supposed to go from there? How was I supposed to make things better? The same day I ended up getting fired from my waitress gig, I met your father. Everything in my life seemed to be going wrong at that point. I could hardly afford my studio apartment, I had no job, twenty dollars in my bank account, and then my car caught fire."

Caroline chokes out a laugh, though the sound is more sad than humorous. I find myself listening to her intently, wanting to know more.

"I know this is going to sound silly, but after I left your father's garage that day, I suddenly just . . . knew what I wanted out of life. It was like a switch flipped. I went home that day and tossed out all of my cigarettes and all of the alcohol I'd been using to get by on. I looked in the mirror that night and told myself: Caroline Summers, you're going to get your life together. And, you know what? I did. I'm not saying it was your father exactly that made me want to change my life, Noah, but he was a major part of the decision. I'd been so miserable, losing myself to this darkness inside of me. I was drinking every night and I felt completely unstable. And your father was just like this . . . light. I don't know how to explain it, exactly. He just made me feel better. Like I finally had something to live for."

I take in Caroline's words, feeling them weigh down on me. Something about the way she explains my father reminds me of how I feel around Blake.

"You said you suddenly knew what you wanted out of life after you met my dad," I mumble, oddly nervous. "Um, what was it you wanted, exactly?"

Caroline smiles faintly. "I wanted to start a family. When I met your dad, everything about him felt safe. Like I was home. I knew then that he was the man I wanted to create a home with. That was about three years ago. Now we're engaged, and things are great. But what I've always wanted, more than anything, is to be a mother. And . . ." Caroline trails off, seemingly flustered. She offers me a nervous smile as she adds, "Well, Noah. You're kind of making that dream come true."

I find myself blushing, overwhelmed with emotion. Maybe Caroline isn't so bad, after all.

"I know it's probably not my place to say this, and you don't have to listen or anything. But, Noah, your dad really isn't a bad guy. I know your history with him has always been rocky, but he loves you. I'm not saying that makes up for his absence in your life, but believe me when I say he wanted to be there for you. There were just . . . obstacles that kept that from happening. You're Matt's everything, Noah. You're his son. He loves you."

I'm unsure of how to respond, so instead I nod. I know that it's going to take a lot more than love to mend the wounds in my relationship with my father.

"Why don't we head to checkout?" Caroline suggests after a moment.

"Okay," I agree. Before I think better of it, I find myself saying, "Caroline?"

Caroline turns around to face me, her expression patient as she waits for me to continue.

"Thank you."

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a/n: i'm crying bc "like real people do" by hozier sounds like what it feels like to miss my girlfriend and god i miss her a whole fucking lot.