Broken Promises

39 | blake

"Promise you won't get mad at me?"

"Why would I get mad?" Jess asks me impatiently. "You're worrying me. Just tell me already!"

"Okay." I find myself wondering why I'm so nervous to tell my best friend about Noah and I. "So . . . Just promise you won't get mad."

"I promise!" Jess repeats. "God. What did you do?"

"Nothing!" I assure her. "I just don't know how to say this . . ."

"Blake, I swear if you don't tell me whatever it is, I will torture it out of you." With a pointed look, Jess grabs one of my throw pillows from my bed, armed and ready to whack me with it.

Biting my lip self-consciously, I meet Jess's gaze and say, "I'm dating someone. Please don't be mad."

"No way," Jess says under her breath, eyes wide. "Oh my God, B!" she continues, clearly excited.

"I know!" I cry, grinning.

Jess leans forward, clutching the pillow in her hands to her chest. "Well, who is it? You have to tell me!"

"I'm dating Noah Reed," I say to Jess softly. I feel giddy and warm all over as I tell her the news.

Jess is shocked. Her disbelief is written all over her face. Her reaction and silence sets me on edge, and I almost regret telling her.

I pull my knees to my chest, biting my lip. "Well," I mumble, "say something."

"You're dating Noah?" Jess questions. A smile has started to break through her shock, though she tries to hide it.

"Yeah," I admit. "Are you mad?"

"Why would I be mad?" Jess asks. "Blake! This is great!"

I blanch. "It is?"

"Yes!" Jess cries. "I mean, you were totally crushing on Reed, remember? And he totally likes you too. Plus, I already like him, so that's a definite bonus."

I can't hold back a smile. Jess is happy for me, I can tell. That's all I wanted from her—acceptance.

"I'm really glad you're moving on," Jess tells me. She doesn't have to say Mason's name for me to know exactly what she's talking about. "You didn't deserve what you went through, and I saw how broken it left you. But lately you've seemed so much happier, and that's all I want for you. I don't want you to keep letting the past to control you. If you're happy with Noah, then that's all I need to know. I trust him. He's a good guy."

Jess's words make me smile. In a way, I think they're exactly what I've been needing to hear. That it's okay to move on—that it's time to move on. I deserve to be happy, despite the past.

I may not be able to control the past, but I can control myself. I'm done letting the past define me. I'm not some sad, broken girl anymore because of Mason. Because of Mason, I am strong and independent and brave. Without him and his actions, I'd never have learned that I don't need a boy to define me and heartbreak can be overcome.

I am the one who has put my heart back together after enduring all of the pain I've gone through. Slowly and with time, I've moving past the ache, learning who I am and how to become a better and stronger person. I figured all of that out on my own.

Though I've found myself in a new relationship with Noah, I know in my heart that this relationship is going to be different than the one I had with Mason. I know now that if I lose Noah, it won't mean I've lost myself. I'm no longer dependent on the company of a man to keep me together.

I guess I've finally learned that before I'm able to love anyone else, I must love myself first.

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a/n: why is olivia o'brien so underrated tho?