Broken Promises

36 | noah

"Suspended?" my father cries in disbelief from where he stands across the kitchen, shaking his head. "You're suspended, Noah? For getting into a fight with another student?"

I hang my head in shame, jaw clenched tightly. I don't know why I regret what I did today so much. I can't remember the last time I genuinely regretted my actions. It's not like Mason didn't deserve what he got, either. Not after what he did to Blake. Yet part of me knows that I took things too far. I should have let the kid go after I broke his nose. Maybe even before then. Instead, I dragged things out, leading me to get a week's suspension from school and no doubt some sort of punishment from my father.

What's weirder than feeling remorse is that I know I deserve the trouble I'm getting into. I'm not upset about being suspended, because I deserve it. I don't even dread having my father yell at me, understanding it's a consequence to my actions.

I can't say for sure, but I think that maybe I'm growing up. Mom would be proud.

Until she finds out I've been suspended and the reason as to why.

"I thought we talked about this before," dad continues. "We don't initiate in fights! You have to learn to control your anger, son. You can't allow yourself to be controlled by emotion."

"He deserved it," I mumble, much to my own dismay.

My father's expression goes blank as he glances at me, clearly stunned by what I've said. Blinking, he questions, "What did you just say?"

"Nothing," I say quickly. I decide not to take one from Mason's book and to actually shut up when the time calls for it.

"Is that really your mindset about this?" Dad asks. "You think it's okay you got suspended because the kid you fought deserved it? That's exactly the problem here."

"You're right," I admit. "I should take responsibility for my actions. What I did was wrong. I shouldn't have let my anger get the best of me."

Dad snorts. "Don't lie to get yourself out of trouble," he says in a low tone, expression stern.

"Matt," Caroline cuts in, arms crossed over her chest. "That's enough. Take it easy on him. He apologized."

My father's gaze hardens as he glances over at Caroline. I raise my eyebrows as I turn to look in her direction, hardly able to believe she's defending me.

"He apologized, so that makes what he did okay?" Dad asks Caroline. "Since Noah apologized, I should let him off without even a warning?"

"That's not what I'm saying—" Caroline mumbles, only to be cut off by my father.

"Then what are you saying?" Dad interrupts her, visibly angered.

"I'm saying that you can stop yelling at him!" Caroline exclaims, sounding upset. "Noah made a mistake, but yelling at him isn't going to change that."

"So what do you think I should do?" Dad retorts. "Since you know so much about being a parent."

The room falls silent. Dad's expression goes blank, revealing that he regrets what he has just said. Caroline's eyes go wide with shock, color seeping into her cheeks. Even I have to admit Dad's comment was harsh. Caroline is new to this parenting thing, but I can tell she's trying.

"Caroline," Dad starts to say, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean—"

"Save it," Caroline cuts him off. "You can call me out on my lack of parenting skills all you want, but it's not like you're much better at it, Matt." With that outburst, Caroline whirls on her and exits the room. I hear her footsteps receding down the hallway, coming to a halt as I hear the front door swinging open, only to be slammed closed in seconds.

Dad exhales a sigh, resting his elbows on the counter. He closes his eyes, running his hands over his face and through his hair. He's clearly upset, and not only with me, but also with himself.

I find myself wanting to say something to him, though I don't know what to say. I've never been close with my father; I've never quite understood him.

Dad glances up at me, looking stiff and worn. "Just go up to your room," he says wearily. "We'll finish this conversation later."

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a/n: i should be doing my school work right now. but. i'm really good at procrastinating.