Feelings through poetry

Poem 21 - Fate worse than death

Up here in the shadows,
This is the darkness, after it, you'll never be the same,
You feel like you're not even sane,
You thought you can't get this low,
As you realize, your sadness just grows.
You never imagined you could fall in this deep,
Bottomless pit. You never thought the situation would get this bad,
Downright you're very sad.

Your heart is ripped to pieces, yet it doesn't show,
No one can see how broken you are,
No one can see the screw up you've become.
No one can see and feel what you feel,
Nobody will see the end is near.

Nobody would've thought you'd fall so deep,
In this bottomless pit, a neverending cycle,
You think people care about you,
They always say they do,
So why did they throw you away,
like a useless piece of a rag?

Why did you stop meaning the world to them?
And yet, you know it's been your fault.
You're waiting for the end,
Yet no end appears to come.

You keep waiting for them to dump you,
Knowing it will happen eventually. Why don't these people,
Why don't they see you like the monster you are?
Why don't they see all the bad things you have done?
Why do they love you?
Why do they throw you away like a piece of old furniture?

Why do you false hope things will get better?
Don't you often question what the hell have you become?
Don't you feel like no one can possibly feel the way you feel?
Don't you feel like no one relates to you?

You're existing, but are you living?
You're smiling, but are you happy?
You tell yourself you're okay but are you really?

Why don't you try to change? Why do your attempts always fail?
You feel like you're not worth it, you think you deserve nothing,
Things stop making sense, since when have you been feeling so tense?

You're waiting for everyone to abandon you sooner or later,
Doesn't seem to be worth it, your attempts don't seem to be working,
Yet you don't want to end it, not yet,
You want to live, but you also want to die.
Are you scared of death, or do you think it's still worth living?

Honestly, you relate to a piece of furniture.
People love you; people care, maybe you mean the world to them,
Nevertheless after some time,
they'll replace you with a newer, better piece,
And it's as if what you went through meant nothing.

Don't these people see all of your shared memories?
Don't these people see that they mean the world to you?
Don't these people see that rejecting you, hurts the most?
After all, you're feeling just so lost.

Will these people ever see, how much they hurt you?
Will these people realize how much you feel like a monster?
Will these people ever realize
they're making you feel that everything is your fault?

After some time their feelings for you will fade,
It will hurt like a blade on your open wound,
Open wound as you already can tell they don't care,
You stumbled, you fell, can you reach the light again?

Will you finally find someone who will care?
Upon all these people you glare,
Convinced it's going to end the same way,
Your world has already turned grey.

Today you tell yourself it will be better.
Today you tell yourself, "I won't cry."
Today everything will be okay.
Today things will take a turn for the better.

However today nothing changed,
And you find yourself even more miserable than before.
Maybe tomorrow will be a better day?
Your hope is slowly fading.

Why did these people hurt you so bad, why?
Why have these people abandoned you, why?
How can you not be sure everything will end the same way?
Do you really think, how can you be sure? You always feel so insecure.

You didn't see this coming. You just wish
that you could go back and fix it. However,
The only thing you can do is move.
Don't believe in false hope.
After all, these people won't care.
They'll only need you when they need something.
So tell me, why should you even bother?

You still believe there will be new opportunities,
But you wish everything could be the same as it's been,
The more you overthink, the more hurt you feel.
And you tell yourself it's time to move on.

Moral of the story/About:

First, I'd like to thank the best and only person named Free, and my best friend Capitain Aubergine for helping me with the title. [WIP]