Bend The Rules• njh

14⌝ The 9th

{Warning: Forms of Self H*rm are in this chapter, reader discretion is advised}

Song of the Chapter- Amnesia by 5 Seconds of Summer

She loves when everybody's watching
She knows the way her body moves
She loves the way they all crawl back when she says
She loves nobody else but you
She's on the loose

I hummed along to the chorus of Niall's song, the music dancing out of my phone, causing me to move along too. I sorted through the various files Liam had given me, putting them in their respective new folder. A loud echoing knock appeared on my door and I spoke over my music, "C'mon in, its open."

My boss, Kevin steps in worriedly, and closes the door behind him. "How're you doing Toni," he asks, reaching his hands into his pockets as he nears my desk.

I turn off my music and look back down to my files, making sure to distract myself, "I'm alright. Business as usual. Just another day."

He pulls out the chair in front of me and sits down, "Look Toni, I know loosing someone can be hard. Especially on someone as young as you." I continued my sorting, not replying to his remark, trying to keep my decent mood. "I know it's hard. Trust me," he continued on, "My wife divorced me five months ago and it has not been easy. It's been extremely difficult being away from her and now she's not apart of my every day life. So I understand everything you're going through." His final words flipped a switch inside me, ruining the calmness I was going for.

I snap my head at him and spit out, "At least she isn't dead." His eyes grow wide in surprise, my change of temper startling him. I continued on, throwing down the papers that were in my hands, "At least she's still alive and breathing and you can acknowledge that. At least you can still see her around. At least you can see her when your children graduate." He sat back in the chair, not knowing what to say. "At least you had children with her," I spoke harshly as my eyes began to water, "At least you had a family. I didn't. I was robbed of that. I was robbed of a husband. A family. Children. I was robbed of my love." "And he's six feet under ground while your wife is still walking this Earth. So no, you don't understand what I'm going through," I argued back, finally getting up from my chair, marching past him, and swinging open my door.

I storm off towards the bathroom and duck inside when I finally reach it. Splashing water on my arms, I try to calm myself down, focusing on my breathing, and distracting myself from the itch. I gripped the cool counter, burning a hole into the ground with my gaze. The bathroom door creaks open and a soft voice is heard next to me, "Hey Toni, I saw you come in here and just wanted to see if you're okay."

I slowly straighten up, and turn to see Rachael standing there, her eyes soft. I try to keep my cool but nevertheless, I can't. "I'm fucking mad right now. And I just want to be alone," I gritted my teeth. "I want people to stop staring at me. I want them to stop caring about what's going on with me."

Hurt flashes across her face, her features turning softer. "We're just trying to comfort you and look out for you since it's the-"

"Don't you think I know what day it is," I interrupted harshly, my left hand now gripping the counter, my knuckles turning white. "Don't you think there's a fucking reason why I wanna be left alone? Yeah today's the day that marks one year since Luke died. One year since I lost him for forever. Okay, I already know that and I don't need to be reminded every fucking minute today," I finished off, moving last her and leaving the bathroom.

Once I reach the safety of my office I check the time on my phone.

5:38

"A little less than an hour," I mumble to myself, gathering up the papers from the floor. No matter how hard I try to focus on the task at hand I just cannot. I toss the papers on my desk, "Fucking useless," I mutter, putting my head in my arms on my desk. I stay like that for a bit, alone with my thoughts and the sound of the whirling AC. Busy ringing emerges from my phone right next to me. Just great. I turn to look at it and see my mother as the caller ID. I slide and unlock it, setting my phone next to my face and resuming my previous position.