our last summer ☽ | shawn mendes

sixteen

"i was cheated by you and
i think you know when,
so i made up my mind
it must come to an end."
- mamma mia

noa álvaro
📍alvor, portugal
august 23rd, 2018

"we're gonna let you two talk." raven pulled lio outside of the room, leaving me alone with shawn.

shawn.
he was here, sitting in front of me.

everything about him seemed so different. his hair was a little bit longer, his face was more defined. his skin wasn't as tan as last year. but, his eyes were still as intoxicating as a year ago.

i didn't want him here. i didn't even know why he was here. he had caused so much damage. over time i adapted to the fact that i would never see him again, and i was fine with that. at least that's what i thought.

"noa.. i.." he slowly stood up and walked towards me. i still hadn't moved an inch.

"don't come near me... please." i choked out.

his face expression fell before he nodded and looked to the ground.

"i'm so sorry." he mumbled.

i scoffed, "yeah, right. about what exactly?"

"everything. fuck, i swear to god i thought about us every day. i am sorry for leaving, i'm so sorry for sneaking out without talking to you. i wish i could've stayed but i just couldn't."

"don't you think i thought about what i could've done wrong everyday? you left as if it was nothing! no note, no goodbye, nothing! you didn't even called. if i wasn't confronted with the fact that you were living your best life on social media everyday i could've thought you were dead because i didn't hear a single peep from you! for a whole year, Shawn!" i raised my voice as hot tears streamed down my face.

"i am sorry..." he reached his hand forward to wipe my tears away but i backed off and he let his hand drop.

"you said that. you don't seem to be sorry for lying to me, though. you have no idea what you put me through! you told me you'd always be there for me, and then you weren't when i was at my worst! y-you told me you love me, shawn. you told me that i meant everything to you. you made l-love to me and then left the same night! how could you do that? who does that to a person whom they love?" i broke down in tears. everything in my body wanted nothing more than to hold onto him and feel his comforting hug again.

"i-i never wanted to hurt you, noa. it broke my heart to leave you that night. i love you so much that i couldn't tell you that i had to leave. i thought if i would just be gone, it would be easier for you to forget me. to forget us. i thought it would be easier if you would hate me."

we were now seated on the couch. both quietly sniffling as tears rolled down our cheeks. shawn was a mess and so was i.

my emotions were all over the place. i could never move on from shawn, i still believed that he was my great love. but i also knew that true love wasn't always meant to be. and mine and shawn's wasn't. we could never have the life we dreamed of.

"i could never hate you, shawn. you were wrong by not talking to me. i deserved to now that you were leaving. it wasn't fair. you completely broke me."

"i know and i'm so sorry and i don't expect you to forgive me but i needed to see you. noa, as much as i tried, i couldn't forget you." he confessed.

as much as my heart loved that he still loved me, i couldn't accept it. he couldn't just come here a year later and tell me that he still had the same feelings. he was being selfish.