Of Stars in Cities

Austin

I knew it had to be Austin.

Hes changed so much over time and now I seem like I dont know him

Might my diary be with him?

What if he reads it?

I have always admired my brother.
He was most extroverted person I had ever seen and his confident boosted everyday by the endless love he would receive from everyone he knew.

He was far more popular than I was and still is. I cant help but compare myself too him, I mean, he would be able to make friends withthin seconds.

He was "perfect".

I often wander off thinking about how we had such good relationship when we were younger, we were bestfriends and would always play together and hang out all the time. I would always be there for him and he would help me when I went through my difficult times.

We soon started to lose out relationship once he started going to my high school, he started getting in alot of trouble as teachers started addressing me about his behavior and i soon found him skipping school a few times. Once I started lecturing him about it he would always break down into a tantrum and would end up blaming all his problems on me.

Guess he started to think he was too cool for me.
He might have had a point.

But nevertheless I would always be there for him even when he would be very disrespectful towards me. But our relationship grew back together after he broke up with his girlfriend and lost his friends for it around fall of last year.

we never the same afterwards.

I could always feel him hiding something from me and wondered if it was my fault.

My mom didnt know much about what was happening, she started working long hours after our parents divorce and wouldnt have much time to talk to us. She had a picture perfect image of us and never doubted it. My father on the other hand, would always watch every step we took, since he worked from home at the time, and austin would often feel pressured by him, and felt happy once they separated. Me on the other hand, didnt feel the same, I always admired my parents and saw how are working they were, and they would always appreciated how honest and how well I would do at school, unlike my sibling.

My wished Austin could do better in school, and would always compare him to me, I'd feel very bad because of so and comforted him as much as I can but that doesnt change the fact that I would always have to help him study almost all subjects and make sure he gets all his work done one time while tracking his behavior.

Maybe that's where he started hating me.

It seemed like my family would only care about grades but never noticed he was a very talented artist and loved playing the guitar.He was the kind that would get detracted easily and i would sometimes see him writing his own songs, his room was once filled with paintings but he slowly stopped creating much after we moved to the city, where he started to ended up with the wrong groups.
He ended up managing to make friends that actually cared for him during his last year and started to play soccer for out school team and soon became team captain.

Ever since we moved back with my father things seemed to have changed alot and my  dads mindset opened up.

School would start soon. And I'm now sure how that would turn out.

I could always go on about how cool of a person he was, but I can never actually say it to his face.