Reality And Us

Chapter Twenty Three

Nick remembered the day Jamie had first told him about Stella. He remembered how his best friend's eyes had been sparkling when he said there was a girl he liked a lot, a girl whose presence made him fell warm and fuzzy.

He remembered the way Jamie's grin was so wide and honest when he had told him how Stella had agreed to going on a date together, and how Nicklas had had to try and help his best friend find a neat thing to do.

He remembered the first time he had met Stella in person, she had been so awkward and he had tried to be nice, he had been almost more awkward than she had been.

He remembered all the times he had looked at his best friend, smiling about how the boy seemed so much happier, so much more fulfilled, so much more alive. As if he had gained all that was out there to gain without loosing anything but his time - and not even that was sure, because, was this really considered loosing time?

Every time he looked at Jamie he caught a glimpse of what a good relationship looked like, what a happy relationship looked like. One that pushed you forward, one that made you the best version of yourself, one that was good for you.

Of course, not every healthy relationship looked like this. There were a lot of great relationships out there that looked completely different, but all of them had one thing in common. They were good for you.

And no matter how hard you searched in said uncountable mass of happy relationships, Nicklas was afraid you wouldn't find what Zane and Lee had there.

It was a slow realization, a small thought inside of his head that just seemed to be so reasonable. It wasn't one of those that just hit you like a truck, or one of those you came to through a lot of thinking. Nor was it one of those you've always had, some kind of premonition, it wasn't one that actively made its way into your mind.

But at one point it was just there, like weed in your garden, you never really know when it started to grow, but someday you notice it and know it's been there for a while.

That was the kind of feeling he got, that kind of realization in his head, and just like weed in his garden he didn't like this thought, scenario, of Zane being in an unhappy relationship. He wanted to get this idea out of his head, stop it from existing, because he hoped it wasn't the case, he wished he could close his eyes to this problem, so it wouldn't exist anymore. But it would continue existing, anyway.

Because just like weed these thoughts wouldn't stop growing if you yanked out their roots.

They would come back so frequently and wouldn't vanish, because the roots weren't the cause, they were a symptom. The soil was fertile, a lot of minerals were feeding the roots and through them the unwanted plants. There was enough water, but not too much, enough light, a somewhat nice climate, enough space.

And if you don't want to weed your garden so often, you gotta take care of the problem's roots - figuratively, of course.

Nick could just take care of his thoughts, and pretend everything was alright. But it wouldn't stop those thoughts from popping up. That Zane needed to get out of his relationship.

To get these ideas to stop bothering and occupying his mind, he needed to identify and eliminate their cause. And well, the cause seemed to be that his friend was, indeed, in something that could be considered a toxic relationship.

Honestly, since Saturday he had been thinking so much about Zane, his mind always returning to him. The boy's problems were occupying his mind more than he would've liked, but he just couldn't get his head away from his friend.

Nicklas tried to sort his thoughts, what even made him think that this relationship wasn't good? He wasn't one to trust a or act because of a simple feeling, one that wasn't reasonable.

For one, there was of course this call. The one where Zane was bursting into countless of tears, because Lee apparently couldn't accept that his boyfriend had hobbies, like doing research on politics. Instead, he apparently was expected to clean.

Who even starts a fight because of that? Makes their partner cry like that? Just because the room wasn't as tidy as usual?

And the way Zane took all the blame. It made Nick's heart ache, and wonder if the older boy did that often in his relationship - pretending, even believing he was in the wrong. Maybe to avoid conflict? A lot of people in those kinds of relationships thought everything was alright, even thought the toxic part was kind of a victim to their behavior. And, in a way, that's what it had sounded like to him how Zane felt.

Of course, Nicklas didn't have all the information, he knew that. But everything he was aware of didn't exactly make Lee sound like a good boyfriend.

Then there was the fact that Zane was actively trying to hide a nice friendship from his boyfriend, because he was scared the other would get too jealous.

Zane was such a lively boy, he laughed and grinned a lot, he loved being around people, goofing around. Doing useless and dumb stuff made him happy. So why wasn't his boyfriend okay with him doing stuff he loved? Like having fun through wasting time, or having a lot of friends?

Lee was completely controlling Zane's social life, after all, and if Nick remembered correctly his friend wasn't nearly as close to his former friends and family as he used to be. Could be a result of moving out, but since he barely had any social contacts in general. . .

According to the Wikipedia page he had opened called 'psychological abuse' - that had popped up when he had searched for 'toxic relationship wikipedia' - isolation of the victim wasn't very uncommon in those kinds of relationship. Or unreasonable feelings of guilt. Or the abuser pretending to be the abused.

It was scary how many things this site told him about that seemed as if his friend was a victim of a toxic relationship.

Nicklas didn't like referring to Zane as a victim. It felt wrong, the older boy was always so happy, so smiley, he didn't seem like someone who had these kinds of problems, he seemed so independent, so strong.

The next moment he was pretty angry with himself. Just because someone had severe problems didn't mean they weren't strong. Of course, it was quite typical for people to loose a lot of their independence when having such an abusive partner, but they still could be strong, they were strong.

Nicklas couldn't understand how some people couldn't appreciate a lover properly, and to him it looked like Zane wasn't actually appreciated, and it made him angry, more than he could really explain that moment.

He hadn't really been the hugest fan of Lee, and Zane was really dear to him. Of course he could be imagining things, he knew that, and maybe it was just the dislike towards his friend's boyfriend, but what if he was right?

A/N

What am I doing with my life. Honestly.

I think that's the shortest chapter I have - so far at least - with very little over 1200 words. 1269 including this small text.