Reality And Us

Chapter Forty

"The woman used her shoe, which she had found in a dark alleyway, to open the heavy door."

Jamie sighed, "Why do you have to make this stuff so hard?"

"This is something an eighth grader should be able to translate. You're in eleventh now.", Nicklas commented.

Most people would be able to translate that. Hell, after that many years of learning a language you should be able to hold a good conversation in it, this sentence was easy. When they were studying with Stella, it could be funny, because she, having had one year less French, knew the stuff regardless. Jamie's skills were pitiable though, hell, him and Zane had already talked in this language once or twice for fun, and it hadn't been a problem. It had been pretty cool because the boy had had a very pretty pronunciation . . .

Focus, Nick.

"Exactly! I'm not an eighth grader, I've already forgotten that!"

The two of them were in the living room at Jamie's place, and the table they were sitting at got hit, because at that Nick let his French book fall down.

They had been studying for about three hours now, and both of them were tired, and pretty done now, too.

"Can't we do something else? Please?", Jamie asked. And he received an exhausted nod as an answer, his best friend had absolutely no patience left with him. Sure, he knew some stuff, but his grammar and tenses were far from being correct enough so that someone could actually understand what he was trying to say.

Jamie's face looked as if he was lost in thought, before he spoke up again, "I'm going out with a few people later on, it might be fun."

"Okay.", Nicklas answered, kind of stiff. Because he was worried and heavily disliked this, and didn't really know how to communicate this worry.

The other rolled his eyes, "I was actually going to ask if you wanted to tag along, socializing might do you some good."

Nick shook his head, "You do you, but don't get me involved in that. This is just not my thing."

His best friend was somewhat good friends with some really troublesome people, and after having failed in talking the boy out of this, he had already communicated his wish to just ignore this part of the other's life. So he could stop worrying so much.

"It's just fun. But suit yourself, I guess."

"Because hanging out with people who commit crimes on a regular basis is just fun, and couldn't somehow affect your future, of course.", Nick let out, now visibly upset about this. Just fun? This could have actual consequences.

"Well, I prefer enjoying the now. Makes life a lot cooler, you know? Besides, they just do drugs.", Jamie answered irritatedly. He wasn't really that offended, just a little bothered the other couldn't just deny the invite and stop nagging.

"And, Nicklas. Worrying about the future is never fun, you should stop doing it, too. You're gonna be fine in the end, so why not just enjoy yourself now?"

The other boy sighed, "Because there's no guarantee there's some kind of happy end. Keeping your options open is the best thing you can do, and you aren't exactly doing that, and that worries me."

Jamie's face softened, "Of course you worry. But it's my future. It's nice that you care, but really, it's fine. A little fun won't make my life miserable, and I don't really feel like discussing this right now with you."

It was nice to have someone who cared for you, but some people just enjoyed their life free of all those worries and thoughts about the future. It made Jamie feel happy ignoring what might happen, because that way he could fully focus on what happened that very moment. It gave him something, and Nick simply had to understand that.

"But you really aren't worried?"

The boy's voice sounded curious, but in a very insecure way, almost hesitant. Because he couldn't fully understand how someone could not worry, just like that.

A sigh escaped Jamie's lips as he answered, "You do a lot, I know, but I don't really care. I'm optimistic, and sure it'll be awesome. My future will come one day, no need to rush that."

"But everyone has a dream, don't you, too?"

The boy smiled shaking his head, "The only dream I have is to have an interesting life, but how, I don't really care. I want to be happy, and sure, I know some people I want to spend a lot of time with during the rest of my life, but not a dream the way you probably have."

It was somewhat amusing to see his best friend trying so hard to understand something that seemed so obvious to him. 

"But what if you don't find something that makes you happy? What if -"

"First,", Jamie began, "I'll find something. I don't know what exactly yet, but I'm sure I won't hate it. Second, just because you struggle with those things doesn't mean everyone does, you know. It's okay, yeah, but I'm not really worried about my future."

Okay, that was somewhat offending. Was it really that obvious Nick was worried about that stuff? He was just worried for a friend, he wasn't being obvious, was he? Besides, he wasn't that worried. Just a little.

"Okay."

"Good?", Jamie asked, making sure this part of their conversation was over, "And, Nick, if you need to talk about some fears you might have concerning your future, I'm here. Just keep mine out of this, okay?"

And Nicklas nodded, even though there wasn't really anything to talk about.

"Anyway, wanna make dinner or something? I'm pretty hungry."

It was already six thirty, and food didn't seem that bad. The two of them agreed on cooking some pasta together, since neither of them were in the mood for something more complicated nor actually capable of cooking things more complicated.

It was fun, it really was. But Nick kept thinking again and again of their conversation, because, Jamie was right. He was worried about his future, a lot, of course he was. He was so scared things wouldn't work out, so scared he wouldn't be able to find a nice place to work. Something he'd have some kind of financial stability at, something that made him happy. Something he'd have some kind of success with. He didn't want to fail, and be dependent on his parents somehow helping after that.

Because the dream he had - it was just a dream, nothing more, but every single time he realized that, told himself that again he could feel all his hopes for a nice and happy future shattering into tiny pieces.

And then there was this part with a family, and . . . how was he supposed to actually believe all of this bullshit might work out at some point in the future?