I Love You

five

I took a week to calm down a little. By this time it was practically already halfway through the summer and I'd been partying the whole time. I needed a break. I started spending my days tanning in my back yard. Sometimes I'd invite my friends, other times it was just me or my siblings and I. My brothers don't normally tan though, they'd play football and trip over me every once in a while.  I wasn't that close to them considering they're twins and they're in like 8th grade. But it was nice to be with them before I'd have to move across the country.

Billie had been updating me on where she is and what she's been up to. She's been sending me song suggestions ever since I told her I appreciated them. She says she's never found anyone who actually listened to her song suggestions since she had a "weird taste". It wasn't weird to me. I listened to 60s and 70s music for like 2 years before I found 90s Hip Hop. I have my fair share of weird music. 

I enjoyed talking to her a little too much, I hoped she hadn't noticed. If she did, she was definitely entertaining it. We were getting really close. I had opened up to her about Leigh, because I was thinking about her lately a little more than I should. I missed being with someone, even if it wasn't official. I didn't necessarily miss Leigh, but the feeling of being with her was so nice. Having someone to spoil and shower with love and affection.

I don't know if I have enough pride to be in a relationship out of the closet. I mean all my friends and family know, but I still enjoy my privacy. And I don't know, I'm scared of what the public has to say about gay couples. Maybe I should just stick with boys for now. I explained this to Billie, she surprisingly understood very well. She was really supportive of me. A small part of me wanted to tell her I wanted to be with her.

She opened up to me about her struggles with growing up in the spotlight and how she's learned to cope with this incredible amount of fame. She really is very mature for such a young woman, it's honestly a little attractive. 

Billie went to Paris for that promotional thing and sent me some very adorable snaps of her at the Eiffel Tower (and her getting mobbed by screaming fans at the Eiffel Tower). She's been updating me about every stop she makes, it honestly seems like a lot of fun; exploring Europe with her family. Next week she finishes Europe and goes to Miami, then back here to Cleveland, afterwards its DC, then back home to LA. We've been talking about the idea of meeting up when she gets here, but I think she might be too busy for me. 

I was on my way to Jess' house to sunbathe by her pool. Ima be real, Jess is kinda rich. She has a nice ass pool, and a big ass house. Taylor and I are some pretty lucky best friends. Once I got there I quickly said hi to her family and ran to the pool to tan, the UV index was 8, I couldn't waste any time. I always tan so nice. My dad is black and my mom is really white. I came out pretty pale but in the summer my skin becomes such a nice caramel if I spend a lot of time in the sun.

"Why you been acting so quiet?" Jess asked out of no where. 

"What you mean 'acting quiet'?" I laughed. "I think I just went a little too hard and my liver needs a break."

"Well yeah I know, me too," she joked, "But I mean like your mood has just been off. You're always like spaced out. Is it Leigh?" she asked, she sounded a little concerned. I explained to her what I'd explained to Billie. I wanted to be with someone. 

I don't know what made me decide to, maybe it was because we couldn't see each other with the sun in our eyes, or maybe it was just the right moment, but I told her about Billie. I told her everything, how we met, how we talk all the time, and how I'm slowly going crazy for her. She couldn't believe it. I sat up on my towel and grabbed my phone, she sat up to see what I was going to show her. I pulled up the picture from the restaurant.