I Love You

twenty two

So I now had a lot of planning to do. The email from financial support came the next Monday, so  I then went in to talk with them about my next steps. 

I was to begin school next September as a freshman, with any sort of major in the arts. When I got back I would have to show them some stuff I've done during my break so they know it was positive for my development or whatever.

Now I had a list of things to do to prepare. They said I could stay in my dorm for one more week, then I'd be out on my own. The most important things I needed were a job and a place to live. 

Once I told my roommates, they were happy for me, but sad to see me go. Dani offered her home to me once again. I guess I could go stay at her house with her family but I don't even know them and Dani wouldn't even be there with me. 

I could always stay with Billie but it might be too early for our relationship. She was also leaving for tour like literally next week. Technically she already started the tour but all her shows so far have been nearby. The thought of being alone in Cali without Billie or a home really scared me.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't thinking about my mom this whole time. She would have a heart attack and die. I would be blamed for ruining my family and go to jail for killing my mom. Maybe I'm overreacting but I need to prepare myself for the worst.

How would I hide this? Should I even hide it? I'm 18, I can do what I want. She'd eventually understand right?

I could just not talk about school with her when she calls.  I could just be super vague when it comes to talking about my life. Fuck this is not gonna work. Maybe I'll just wait until she figures it out and deal with the consequences then. Sounds like the best option to me.

After I figure everything out, I then can start to explore the arts. Won't be long now.

Billie had a press day today at some sort of radio station place. I spent the day filling out job applications at every nearby business. We had a date planned for once she got home. She texted me once she was on her way back to her place, telling me to get ready because she was going to pick me up in an hour.

I put my hair up in an elegant pony tail, some pieces starting falling out though. It still looked cute. I put on my black, high waisted, skinny jeans with a grey, oversized sweater because the late fall weather was getting pretty cool nowadays. My makeup was simple, just some mascara and a little bit of foundation help even out my skin. I finished the outfit off with some white, high-top converse.

The sun began to set as Billie's car pulled up to the front of my dorm building. The sky was a pretty pink as I got in the car and enjoyed a big, welcoming hug and kiss from my girlfriend.

I asked her about her day as we drove into town, the streets still a little unfamiliar to me. She looked extra good today, I don't know what it was. She had a tan-ish brown bandana on with a big hoodie that matched the bandana's color. Black baggy shorts and black chunky Jordans. I think she might've even had a little mascara on, maybe some lip gloss too.

She told me about how annoying the interviewers were as we pulled into a parking lot that wasn't specifically for any certain business. We got out and paid for the parking as we began walking down the street.

I was a little nervous considering it was just us. I know how the public feels about her, we could be attacked by fans at any second. We made it to a restaurant safely, with some stares along the way, but no real fan altercations.

I quickly found out Billie had rented out the whole dining room of this Italian restaurant just for us. I gave her guilty looks as the waiter seated us, but I couldn't hide my smile.

Once we got situated and ordered our drinks, Billie started asking about any plans I had. I loved how interested she was with everything going on. She made me feel really special. 

"I turned in some job applications today. At supermarkets and malls. I'll probably stay with you and wait to hear back about any jobs until you leave for tour. Then I guess I'll start working and find some roommates or stay with Dani's family."

"I got some news yesterday," she replied in a suspicious tone. It was odd because she didn't have any comments to make about my plans. I took a sip of my iced tea, waiting for her to continue.

"My drummer broke his arm," she added finally.

"Damn, that sucks. What're you gonna do?" I asked, concerned for her tour.

"Well since he obviously can't come on tour anymore, my management team lined up some auditions with new drummers."

"Oh that's good," I replied, still not sure why she was acting so suspicious.

"Now hear me out, and don't fucking cut me off," she laughed before getting serious again, "I want you to audition." 

Wow. Touring with Billie. "Wow," I finally replied.

"Before you say anything," she quickly interrupted, "You would easily get the job over these other fools in a heartbeat, because duh," she laughed. "You'd get to explore music and see a lot of the behind the scenes stuff, plus you'll make a shit ton of money. I know it's early in our relationship to start something like this but what the fuck right? It'd be so fucking fun, don't even lie to me."

It honestly sounded like so much fun. I am pretty good at the drums but I'd have to take some time to learn all her songs. I've also never really performed before, let alone to tens of thousands. I stared at her as I contemplated. She had a hopeful look in her eyes as she waited for my response.

We were interrupted by the arrival of our food. It was an Italian restaurant so Billie just got vegan pasta. I got a Caesar salad.

"You'd be my boss, weird," I finally said.

"That's all you have to say?" she laughed. "Fuck you."

"Okay, okay, it sounds like so much fun. But what about when I have to go home to see family? I can't just miss Thanksgiving and Christmas. And what if I break my arm, or something happens between us?" I came up with any excuse hoping she would shut them all down.

"I'll buy your plane tickets out, or you'll buy them yourself because you'll have a full-time job. We will get an understudy this time instead of being stupid, either that or I'll just make Finneas do drums," she shot down every excuse just like I wanted her to.

"I'll have to learn all your songs in like a week," I finally said.

"Is that a fucking yes?!" she was so excited. "It's not all my songs, just the setlist. And you're fucking amazing, you can do anything."

I studied her excited expression as I contemplated her offer. "I'll audition."