Charlie's

Chapter 19

BPOV

Everything felt so real, although I knew I was dreaming. I was up against the same tree, I wanted to get lost in the same feelings, but I knew something was going to happen, I had to stay focused and alert , I turned my head to the side just like I did and looked over at the tree's. The spot I knew he was meant to be standing was empty. Just when I went to look again Edward's body slumped against mine as we both crashed to the floor.

"Edward what the hell?" I said trying to push him off me, though he didn't move an inch

"Edward move" I gave him a shove until I managed roll him off me only for him to just lay there with his eyes open, not breathing.

I scrambled to my knees "Edward" I shook him, my eyes filled with tears and I slapped him across the face

"EDWARD" I sobbed.

"Bella, wake up" I heard far off, Although I was still half asleep, I could feel myself frashing around the bed.

"Bella, come on, It's me Edward" I heard again.

"Edward" I whimpered as I cracked my eyes open and saw him hovering over me looking worried, I didn't give a fuck I threw my hands around his neck and pulled him to me and let the silent tears run down my cheeks as I held him for dear life.

Edward rolled off me and laid on his back and pulled me with him "You wanna talk about it?" He asked in a whisper. I shook my head and held him tighter to.

"Where are we?" I croaked out, my voice was rough and raspy for crying and sleep, but I was past caring at this point.

"We're still at my parents house, you passed out again" He said in a soft voice as he stroked his hand down my back. "The doctor came to check you out, he said you were just in shock" I just nodded against him.

"You know, I was seventeen when I did my first kill?" He said, I froze for a second and then looked up at him, he wasn't looking at me though he was looking straight ahead as if he was living the memory .

"What happened?" I asked, I wanted to know but at the same time I didn't.

"Well, when you start in the 'family', you have to work your way up the ranks, I had it better than some of the others because of who my father is. He still made me start from the bottom before I properly joined, I had to finish school and go to college first, My father said it was important to have an education, I suppose he was right I have a few businesses now so my degree came in handy. At seventeen I used to carry my gun around, at that age I thought it was cool you know?...I always looked up to my pop's as gay as it sounds he was my hero, still is, he's like the one that can't be killed, trust me many have tried and failed" He said with a chuckle, It was nice to hear him talk about his father like that, I mean I loved mine and I didn't have nearly enough time with him as I'd have liked too.

"Anyway I'd been out with some friends from school, It was hard to make friends you know?, people only wanted to be around me again because of who my father was, and to see what they could get from me, it was hard to tell who was genuine, I wanted to be on my own and I had guards that followed me 27/7, I just wanted to be Edward for a little while you know, not Edward Cullen son the Mob boss, so I got rid of em I gave them the slip and went off on my own, I know I wasn't really on my own, I had a tracker in my phone, so they could find me if they wanted to." he said. I kinda felt sorry for the way he grew up, I know he was used, I didn't think I could do it.

"Anyway I'd been walking the streets for about an hour just clearing my head, when some punk dragged me into an ally, you know for a second I about shit myself" He said with a laugh. " My ego was huge at that age, all I can remember thinking was 'Who the fuck did this punk think he was, trying to pull one over on Carlisle's son', My pop's would never have let himself get into a situation like that if he could help, Not to mention I was kicking myself for giving my guards the slip, anyway fucker pulled a knife on me" I gasped at him, I mean I knew he was OK he was right here next to me, but for and odd reason I didn't want him to get hurt and by the sound's of if it was an everyday assurance.

"I did the only thing I could think of, I gave him a hard shove and pulled my gun on him, he took one in the chest, You know I was the same as you, only I had time to call my father before I totally freaked out. My pop's was fucking livid with me. I knew I'd killed him, I wanted to break down on my own you know?..I didn't want to be seen as weak, I wanted to be the son my pop's brought me up to be, I couldn't do that if everyone saw me as a sniveling little kid, so I had to keep it together until I was on my own. So I put on my brave face acted cold, like what I'd just done hadn't bothered me. But that night when I went to bed the nightmare's came, I'd see his body jut on impact when the bullet hit him, I'd see the blood filling the front of his shirt, they was his eyes widened. I woke up in cold sweats and make my way to the bathroom and puke my guts up for weeks, but the worst of all I was on my own, I had no one to help me through it" He said, he actually sounded really fucking sad, so I gave him a squeeze.

"Your parents didn't help?" I asked.

"No, I think they wanted to, I was stubborn, I didn't want them to see what sort of mess I was in, I mean I didn't eat or sleep for what felt like weeks, but if I was gonna do this job I had to toughen up or I was never gonna make it. I think my pop's knew that so he left me alone to deal with it in my own way, and I did, it took me a while." He said.

"And now you do it everyday" I said.

"Well yeah, I don't kill everyday, but I do what I have to, and I love my job it's in my blood, I wouldn't give it up for anything" I think he was trying to make a point with that statement.

"Thank you for telling me" I whispered.

"It's OK, But if you need someone to talk to I'm only on the other end of the phone" It was nice to see the sweet caring side of him.

"Thank you"

"OK time to get some sleep" He said getting up. I held on for dear life.

"Where you going?"I said in a panicked whisper.

"Back to the couch" He pointed to the couch on the other side of the room that was made up with bed sheets. I was not letting him go.

"Stay here?" I whimpered, I didn't want him out my sight not after the dream I just had.

"I don't know...I might not be able to keep my hand to myself" I could hear the smile in his voice.

"Oh fuck you" I said with a laugh and poked him in the side.

"OK,OK I'll stay here, time to sleep" He pulled me to him again and wrapped his arms around me. I think I may have felt him give me a quick kiss on the head.

I just laid there until I heard his breathing even out as went back to sleep. All the while I was thinking, If we carried on dating, is this what it's gonna be like, me waiting on a phone call saying he's been killed or in hospital, my heart clenched at the thought, I didn't want him to be hurt..but I didn't know if I was strong enough to put myself out there and stand at his side..even if that's what he wanted...I'm getting way ahead of myself we've only been on one date. But for an odd reason, I felt closer to him after today and with the story I just heard he seemed pretty normal but just did shitty things to make money.

I don't know, I'd have to give it some serious thought. That was my last thought as I drifted off feeling safe and warm in his arms.