Charlie's

Chapter 15

BPOV

When I told Alice I'd agreed to a date with Edward, I thought for sure she was gonna tell what a bad idea this was gonna be...that didn't happen which was quite shocking. She did do whole fucking happy dance thing she does while clapping like a seal, If she had of started making the noise's to I would have taken her to the local nut house for sure.

She won't tell me , but I know she knows where he's taking me. She won't even give me a hint, How the fuck do I know what to wear, I mean I want to make a bit of an effort, not too much I don't want him to think I'm looking forward to it, I just wanted to look better than normal is all.

Then I scold myself for even thinking that way. Inside I wanna do the happy Dance Alice did, because he hasn't given up, He's come back at every turn to try to win me over. But I know he's doing it for a reason, I know he just wants to get laid, and if I gave it up then I wouldn't see him again. I know I have to harden my heart around this guy, I'm Not sure what it is about him, but I know damn well he can hurt me and hurt me bad, I can't go through that again.

My first year of college, I had the pleasure of meeting Jacob Black,He was a few years older than me, he was also the happy-go-lucky type, we were friends for a month or so be before he asked me out, I didn't want to change the way things were between us, I was OK with being friends, I mean he was handsome don't get me wrong, I just didn't feel that way about him, but he was persistent and we had a lot in common and we got on like a house on fire So I thought what the hell. Things didn't really change from how they were before we started dating apart from we would kiss every now and then, we were comfortable. We had been dating for about 3 months when he finally started pressuring me to put out, he thought he had waited longer than most guys should have to.

I'm not sure why I gave in, something in me was telling me to go with my gut and hold off a little longer, I wasn't ready. I was about to give my virginity away and I was pretty sure it wasn't to the right person. But then I thought about what would happen if I didn't, would he leave me?, or get tired of waiting for me?, I didn't want to be alone. I had grown used to him being around.

I thought it was going to be both our firsts, but again I was wrong with the assumption, he sure as hell knew what he was doing, well for himself anyway. He didn't get me ready or worked up, he just slapped on a condom and covered himself with lube and went to town. I have to say it was the most uncomfortable feeling I'd had up until that point and I didn't see myself doing it again anytime soon, It only lasted about a minute tops, and I was in a great deal of pain, I know it was meant to hurt for your first time but I wasn't sure this was normal.

When it was over we laid side by side for about 5 minutes neither of us were touching, it was just silent, I must have fallen asleep, because when I woke up he was gone. I tried calling him for the rest of the week and he didn't pick up or return my calls, it wasn't until a girl came to my door and told be to leave Jake alone, that she was his girlfriend and had been for the last 2 years, That I was only a bet between his friends that I realised what I'd done. My gut told me not to go through with it and I didn't listen.

To this day I haven't had sex since, I didn't find it enjoyable at all, I never mentioned it to Alice, I just told her he found someone else and we'd moved on and from that day on I turned into the bitch I am today, well that and being angry at my mother for pissing off and for my father dying. Everyone I care about eventually leaves, the only constant I have is Alice, I can't get close to anyone, because it's me that's always left alone to pick up the pieces and move on.

So here I sat on the end of my bed at 1pm on Thursday afternoon, glaring at the closet hoping something would jump out and say "wear me", but that didn't happen. I got up and stalked over raking my hands through the rack, yes I said racks, Alice had been at my closet and added things over the years.