It's Complicated

Chapter Seventeen

Tears ran down my eyes as I stared at the pregnancy test for what would seem like the millionth time. The words positive and pregnant echoed in my head. I didn't see this coming, what would I do with a child? I could still be considered a child myself. Wait, my thoughts were going to far. How would I tell this to Brendon? He didn't even want to talk to me, he made it clear that he wasn't interested in me and from the looks of it, it seemed like he had something going on with Taylour, which made the situation even worse than it was. How would I tell my parents? They would be extremely disappointed in me and Levi, sweet Levi, this would absolutely be the end of us. My mind was going at a thousand miles per second. I needed these thoughts to stop or possibly even slow down. Asha touched my arm lightly, I could tell that she wasn't sure how to comfort me and even if she tried, there was no way that I could have felt comforted right now, unless by some great miracle this was all a dream, a nightmare, it would seem. She sat with me in silence, but the silence to me was louder than if we would have been conversing.

"What am I going to do?" I asked her.

"Well you have a few options to consider," she answered.

"Yea," I replied as I stared at the stick again. Maybe it was a mistake? Are these tests even 100% accurate? No, they are not, so who's to say that the results were valid, who's to say that I'm really pregnant or not?

"Are you going to tell Brendon?" Asha asked interrupting my thought. That was the million-dollar question, would Brendon even want to know?

"Should I?"

"It's not up to me, this is solely your decision to make Sof," she got up from the couch and went into the kitchen to refill my glass of water. "Here," she handed me the glass as I wiped the tears from my eyes. The more I thought about the situation is the more I realized that I only had three options. Option one; I could do an abortion and just make this go away, pretend that it never happened. Although, getting the money would be hard without involving my parents or Stanley. Option two; I could keep the baby and not tell Brendon. I mean he was going to leave in two weeks anyway, he wouldn't ever have to know about it or be involved, which I highly doubted that he wanted to be involved. Which leads me to option three; this option was like option two, I would keep the baby, but this time I would tell Brendon about it. The question was however, how would I go about telling Brendon about this, as I said he didn't want anything to do with me and also, he didn't live here, how would we make it work? Let's imagine that, in a perfect world, I told him and he wanted to be involved, would I have to go live with him? Was that a possible outcome? I put my hand on my head, I assumed now that all my hopes and dreams for school were gone down the drain, at least for now. Even if I wanted to attempt to meet the deadline, it no longer made any sense. My life was screwed, I had officially fucked up immensely.

"I have a headache," I said as I got off the chair. "I'm going to bed, I'll think of how I'm going to deal with this tomorrow," I went to the room as Asha remained silent, staring at me sympathetically.

*****

Today was a new day, a bright day, would have been a good day to go to the beach even, that's how I had imagined I would have spent my summer, going to the beach with Josie and Stanley, having picnics and living up the summer to our fullest and then when September came I'd have bid them farewell to start a new chapter of my life. But life had changed completely, soon I would be a mother but now I was a failure and life happened to be depressing. Asha had already left to go to work I presumed. I got off the bed and went to freshen up, then made my way to the bus stop. I arrived at the front of my parents' house; I wasn't going to tell them about the pregnancy, at least not yet because eventually everyone would know. I figured the first step was to apologize for my foul behavior and disrespect towards them. I sighed as I stared at the front door gathering the courage to go inside. I approached the door slowly, before opening, I quickly took off my nose ring, remembering how my mother had adamantly demanded that I remove it. I twisted the knob; it was unlocked as I had hopped it to be. I heard commotion going on in the kitchen, my mother must have been home, I proceeded to the kitchen quietly, not wanting her to hear that I was inside before I reached to the kitchen.