It's Complicated

Chapter Fifteen

After what felt like hours later, hours of sitting behind the front door, hours of crying my eyes out, hours of overthinking. I finally got the strength and energy to get off the floor. I felt a little better from the crying, and I had no more tears left inside, that was it and I was done. Possibly all these years of repressing myself because of keeping my eyes on the ultimate goal, and not standing up to people, because I wanted to be perfect and not doing what I wanted to, because I wanted to be the poster child for a result of great parenting; I was over it , I was sad at the fact that I betrayed Levi, our relationship had just started and I knew that he and I probably would have made it far, but we all knew that Levi would never forgive me for what I had done, and he was right , he didn't deserve it, he is a nice guy , he didn't deserve this, I didn't deserve him. This could possibly be who I really was, a bitch , maybe Brendon brought out my true colors, maybe I wasn't this perfect child who would make my parents proud anyhow. I made a lot of stupid decisions in a matter of a couple days, but finally I was being true to who I was deep down inside, and I was okay with that, I didn't have a choice, I was too far into it now to turn back, there was no way I could turn back. There was no logical way that I could get out of this mess, so frankly I was making the decision to live in the moment. I went to the kitchen to drink water and went straight to bed, tomorrow was a new day.

I awoke to a knock on my bedroom door, confused at what time of the day it was.

"Sophia, something came up and we had to come back home," it was my mother, shit, I thought. I hadn't expected my parents to be home till after the weekend was over, that would have given me enough time to try to decide how I was going to approach and explain my drastic changes to them. "Sophia," she repeated as she opened the bedroom door. I sat up on the bed and stared at her, prepared for the reaction that I was going to get, I knew it was going to be bad and I was in a lot of trouble. My weekend was on the right path to getting much worse than it had already started out. "SOPHIA LEAH GERMAN!!" she exclaimed, "what did you do to your hair? And what is that?" she continued as she inched closer to me, "is that a nose ring?" She continued to stare at me intensely as I remained quiet, she put her hands on her head. "This child is going to be the death of me," she mumbled to herself. "You know the drill," she said abruptly as she left my room in rage. In our household, whenever one of our parents were upset or found out something about either me or Stanley, we would have a family meeting to discus whatever it was. Most of the times, it was Stanley who found himself in the hotseat, and I often tried to advocate for him to get him out of the situation or at least to let my parents hear a voice of reason and he would also do the same for me, although this time I was completely on my own. My parents were big disciplinarians, they had an image in which they wanted us to grow up and they were very disappointed when we didn't follow it. I knew what I was doing when I took the risk of changing up my look so drastically. Honestly, I didn't think too much about the consequences when I was doing it, I just felt like I had to do it, mainly because I had let Brendon take control of how things were going to roll with me. Maybe I should have stayed in my stupid shell, it wouldn't have caused me to be going through all of these disagreements with everyone that I cared about. I got up from my bed and put clothes on to head into the living room. As I walked in, I saw my mother and father already at the table waiting for me. My father gasped when he saw me and then turned to my mother while she shook her head in disappointment. I put down my eyes, avoiding further eye contact with them as I took a seat at the opposite end of the table.

"I cannot imagine what came over you for this disrespect," my father began, obviously waiting for me to now speak for myself, possibly give him an excuse or a valid reason why I did what I did, and this was my chance to try to get out of this mess, but I had no excuses, I had no words, I did it because I wanted to do it. I wanted to experience that carefree feeling, the feeling where I didn't care about what anyone had to think of my personal decisions and frankly, I have never felt so like myself than in these moments of doing what I wanted. I was 18 years, practically stepping into adulthood, in a few months I would be going to university where I would be on my own, far away from my family, I was capable of making my own decisions. "So, you have nothing to say for yourself?" My father asked.