Twisted Love

Chapter 1 A Look into My Life

To the outside world, my life looks like the American dream. I married my high school sweetheart Jerry, straight out of high school. We have been blessed with two children a boy named Tristan who's 16 and a daughter named Bella who's 14. Jerry is the VP of Saxon Aircraft and the money he makes is more than we could ever spend in a life time. Both our children are honor roll students and play a number of sports. So yes I have a lot of my time filled with taking them back and forth to whatever event they require of me. Jerry, spends a lot of time at work and we're lucky to see him for dinner let alone the weekends.

So yes I have more than most people and I'm very grateful. Yet I find myself lonely, so lonely with no appreciation for anything I do for my family. I yearn to have them come home, to be interested in a simple conversation. Like how each of our days went. Instead I'm met with indifference and impatient attitudes for wanting to spend a bit of quality time with them. A normal day after school is them coming home, throwing their personally items in the foyer. Running to their rooms to hit their game systems, radios, etc. Whatever they chose to entertain their selves, to pass the time until our next engagement. I stand looking at the piles wondering if I might sometime find a moment to matter, to be heard, to be appreciated, honestly just to be spoken to. I think tonight, yes tonight this will be the dinner discussion I will force upon them. I honestly think, even at dinner talking feels forced ion them.

I sometimes wish I would have pushed for my own interest, after Jerry and I married. I wanted to be the perfect wife and mother. His desires became my desires, I was lost in what he thought was the perfect life. I don't have many friends, if any at all actually. I know some women from the country club, honestly their not my type. I tend to enjoy the simple life of just being in the moment, laughing at what others may find ridicules, and being able to converse with ease. So my family is my life, without them I'd have to start at the beginning. This is what I love, what I know, and honestly what I want. I just find myself questioning whether they actually want me.