No Fear

Chapter Nineteen

I've been planning this chapter since the beginning of this book, so I hope you find it as emotional and exciting as I do! Also the end of this chapter is very sad, but just remember that this book is only 20 chapters long so far and I never write bad endings. . .
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Tom Pov:

All I have to press is enter.. I have the coordinates all typed in, I just need to press enter... I look down and hold my head, gripping my hair and tightly shutting my eyes. God every time my finger goes close to the enter button it just pulls back and I get a ping of pain in my heart... Come on.. Pride come out! Don't let this stupid body hold you back!

I try to quickly press the button, but my other hand grabs my wrist before my hand can move any closer to the button, I tremble as tears fill my eyes... I think I get it.. I'm scared of it. I look intensely at the enter button, but what scares me about it?

I'm probably scared of Tord finding out and revoking my title... Who am I kidding? I just don't want him to hate me...- "FUCK!!" I suddenly scream and I slam my fists onto my desk, which makes a loud bang from my hands hitting the dark wood...

I've gotten so far.. and I can't even figure out how to finish the job.. I'm pathetic! Absolutely pathetic! I look back to the enter button, if I press the button then I can send the goddamn coordinates to the Rebellion base, then my mission would be done and over with.

When I press the button, then Tord will be captured and the world will be saved, he will be imprisoned for life and we can all go back to our old lives, with just Edd and Matt and myself... everything will be normal again and I won't have to worry about all this world domination stuff...

I look away again.. but... but I don't want Tord to be imprisoned and put on death row.... but.. but why don't I? He's a killer with only evil intentions, he plans to rule the world as a totalitarian communist king, he wants to capture Edd and Matt and possibly kill them, and for Christ's sake he wants to make me his lover- so why?! I stand up and shout, "WHY?! Why am I like this?! What is wrong with me?!"

I walk over to my door and lean my back against it. "Why do I feel this way?.." I slowly slide down the door. "Where did my pride go? It's like it's given up on me.. but why?" I sit on the floor and bend one leg with the other laying flat, resting my arm on the bent one. "I couldn't possibly care for him.. right?.. God I'm hopeless..." I crisscross my legs and rest my hands together on my lap, then the truth finally comes out.. "I.. I love my enemy..." I roughly bang my fist on the door behind me with frustration and I don't notice the sound of someone falling on to the ground on the other side, I then hold my head with my heart racing and my face heating up. "Tord what have you done to me?.."

I don't hear the sound of someone shuffling up to the door since I'm too caught up in my thoughts, "You've stolen my pride, you've taken away my friends," Tears fill my eyes the more I talk, which makes my voice start to break.  "you've destroyed my home city, you've forced me into sex..." I then unconsciously start to name good things that he's done, "You've made me fuzzy inside, you've made my heart race, you've made things easy for me.. you've..." I then start to think about Tord more as I close my eyes and hug myself, my heart pounds against my chest and it becomes hard to breath. "You've made me fall in love with you..."

I hear footsteps outside my door that seem to fade away, but I assume that it's just someone walking by. I quickly snap myself out of the trance I'm in by slapping myself hard, I take a deep breath. I stand up and say to myself, "No! I can't love that horrible bastard, I won't let myself! His brainwashing hasn't worked on me!" I quickly walk over to my desk and sit down, I look to the enter key intensely. "And I'll prove I haven't been brainwashed by pressing this goddamn button!"