I love Cupcakes

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"We broke up." Maihua said, reaching her hand out to me.

"You broke up with Lex?"

"Yeah."

"Why would you do that?" I panicked. "She's going to call me and kill me."

"I didn't tell her anything."

"Doesn't matter she'll find out."

"No she won't." Maihua grabbed my shoulders and looked into my eyes. "Don't worry about it."

"I got a paper cut!" Dani announced loudly from the kitchen. "Some one go get me a bandaid or I'll die!"

"I'm on it!" Maihua rushed into the bathroom to see if she could find band-aids.

I walked into our bathroom to take my prescription like I do every morning.

I open the bathroom door to see Maihua holding onto the bottles in her hand. "What are these?" She asked.

"What are you doing with my meds?" I asked, trying to grab them.

"You don't need these." She said.

"Yes I do, give me them!" I pressed my body up against hers to try to grab the pills that are behind her back.

"Y/n, drugs aren't the answer."

"You really think I'm on drugs, Maihua?" I said.

"We can get through this... I can help you!" She said as I grabbed the pills out of her hands. I popped one in my mouth and chugged down a glass of water that was sitting by the sink. "Y/n."

"Look, I have depression." I said, looking her in the eyes. "And it's completely normal, a lot of people have it. Don't start thinking I'm pathetic now."

"Okay." She said. "I don't, trust me, I've had my fair share of it."

"Yeah." I acknowledged. "I know."

"Cupcake, I... " She picked me up and threw me over her shoulder.

"Put me down! And stop calling me that!" I laughed.

"I'm sorry," She laughed too. She threw me down on the bed and laid down next to me. "Can I tell you something?"

"Of course Maihua." I turn over to look at her and smile.

"I mean I know that I'm very open about my mental health but I want to tell you this thing that no one really knows about me, okay?"

"Okay."

"I've attempted suicide." I took in a sharp breath. "Twice."

We sat there in silence for a few seconds. "I don't expect you to know what to say but I just wanted you to know."

We just hugged for a really long time.

"Maihua, can I tell you something that no one knows, not even Lex."

"Anything, cupcake."

"The reason I take those," I said, "is because my... uh.. my mom kind of uh... died when I was 13." I didn't want to get too emotional in front of her.

"What happened?"

"It was a car accident." I whispered, I felt a tear drop out of my left eye, I wiped it away. "It's nothing."

By this point she was sitting up, her hand on my thigh. I was still lying on the bed, and I had my hands covering my eyes. I stood up then she stood up in front of me.

"It's okay to cry, y/n." She pulled my hands away from my face. I basically collapsed in her arms. "It's okay." She kissed the top of my head and held onto me so tight.

I flinched a bit, I hadn't been hugged like this since my mom died, my dad had a different way of showing affection.

"Hey, you're safe with me, why do you seem so nervous?"

"I'm just uh... not used to this."

"No, there's something else. Y/n you can tell me anything."

I pulled up my shirt to show the yellowish blue bruise on my ribs. "It just hurts a little is all." I pulled my shirt down immediately after, becoming self conscious on my body.

"Y/n," She tried to grab my shirt to pull it up again but I backed away. "Where's that from?" She was angry. "Who did that to you?"

"No one. It's fine." I lied. I caught myself in the mirror, looking at my thighs in these shorts and my arms in this shirt. It made me sick.

"Y/n?" She pulled my face towards hers. "I'm really worried about you."

"Why? I'm fine. Don't be worried about me." I laughed it off, pulling my shorts down. "I'm great."

"Why are you doing that?"

"Doing what?"

"Why were you tugging at your clothes just now?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Stop lying to me." She took my hands in hers and looked into my eyes, like she was trying to find an answer. "Where is that bruise from?"

"Where's your bruise from?" I pointed at her eye. "You tell me, I tell you."

"I got in a fight." She said nonchalantly. "Now you."

"I got in a fight too."

"Fuck off, no you didn't." She grinned. Yeah, with my dad.

"Yeah, it wasn't great."

"Good for you." She laughed. "Now, the other things."

"What other things?"

"Well one, the scars on your arms and legs." It felt like all the air was sucked out of the room when she said that. "And two, your body image issues. I'm not clueless you know." Shit.

"Maihua, you don't know shit." She was taken aback by my sudden outburst. I stormed out of the room and down the stairs. I ran out to the beach and just sat in the sand, my head in my hands.

"Y/n!" She called out.

"I want to be alone."

"No you don't."

"Yes I do." That's when I felt the tears coming. She sat down and wrapped her arms around me. "Maihua."

"Y/n." I looked up at her and she offered me a small smile.

"I'm just a bit messed up is all."

"Aren't we all."

"I guess so." I laughed.

"So?"

"So... the bruise is from my dad, we get into fights a lot and he usually wins." I admitted. "Which would make sense considering I'm short and fat." I started crying again.

"When I'm in a dark place, I like to feel pain in a place that isn't my heart or my head, so I cut. And I hate my body so much." I hung my head low and whispered, "I'm starving."

"Y/n. I'm so sorry you've had to go through all of this alone." She kissed my forehead. "I will help you, you just have to let me."

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this was close to 3 pages in google docs so hmm

xoxo hopefully will get another chapter out today or tomorrow