Harry Potter Oneshots

I Can't Keep Trying...

Warning: this includes self-harm, suicide attempt, and just an overall depressing Oneshot so be warned.

takes place in 5th year (before Sirius)

Harry stood at the top of the astronomy tower looking at the view below, he had decided just a week ago that he would finally end the pain he felt. 

What he didn't expect was t get caught, he had written out the letters and had placed it on the table where the individuals sat. 

He had planned it so well and yet he could not even kill himself properly, he had woken up at 4:00 A.M and had headed down to the great hall to leave the notes, he had then ran up to the astronomy tower. He had intended on immediately jumping but he had stared at the sunrise just a bit too long.

Harry looked down at the scars he had up and down his body, he loved the way it looked, whenever he cut he felt in control of his life, he momentarily could forget the way so many people had decided his future for him. 

He could forget the way Molly and Ron always hinted at Harry and Ginny marrying, Truthfully he didn't like Ginny that way and the assumption made him feel a bit mad. 

He could forget the many emotions Headmaster Dumbledore portrayed with his eyes, his twinkling eyes whenever harry did something brave, the disappointment when he tried to explain how he did not want to return to the Dursleys, The angry eyes when he was asked if he had put his name in the goblet of fire. 

He could forget the way Professor Snape all but crushed his confidence to the ground. He could forget the endless comments directed towards Harry. When he was in his first year he had been so excited about potions but his excitement did not last because after " Potter, our new celebrity" was uttered he had felt once again rejected. 

He could forget the way he tried so hard to feel normal and yet he continued to be more into men than woman. He didn't mind when Seamus and Dean had come out, And yet when he started feeling interested in men he tried so hard to be just a bit normal. Maybe that's what living with such Homophobic, Racist, and Overall horrid people had done that to him.

That's when he heard the voice calling out to him, "Harry, please step down from the ledge" it was Professor McGonagall who whispered slowly reaching out to him. 

Harry flinched backward from the hand and shouted " D-don't come any closer", Truthfully he knew deep down that he needed help and yet he just couldn't ask.

"Harry, please consider coming down," another voice told him, the voice belonged to Remus who was currently visiting and was going to surprise him.

" I-i can't, I can't take it" Harry whispered as tears started to fall down his cheeks and down his chin. 

"Harry You have so much to live for just let us" Remus started but Harry interjected quickly.

"No, there isn't truly a reason to live, everything I do hurts or disappoint someone. I can't seem to do anything correctly" Harry Sobbed out slowly sinking onto the ledge curling himself into a ball. 

Harry continued " I try so hard, I really do, but no matter what I'm always going to be the wizarding worlds play toy, the thing that they could first love and grow to hate. That's all I am a simple thing that people enjoy messing with". 

"Harry, that's not true," McGonagall and Remus said at the same time, both wondering if harry truly believed that.

"But it is! When I first entered the Wizarding world at age 11 the first thing I noticed was the stares and handshakes people kept giving me. When I entered Hogwarts so many people whispered and stared at me just like I was a Doll on display. When people found out I was a Parselmouth, people called me a dark, evil, child killer, and acted as if they had never liked me. When they found out I had once again saved the school they pretended as if they hadn't shunned me for 3 quarters of a school year. I'm sick of it, I just want it all to end." Harry sobbed out slowly inching towards the edge where he could finally rest. 

There were tears streaming down Remus's face as he gazed at the broken boy, "Please Harry I'll do everything I can to help you, please just give me the chance" Remus whispered.

Harry stared at Remus with the saddest look on his face "why would you want to help me?"

Remus smiled softly and murmured "When I was your age I had trouble excepting the fact that I was a werewolf, In my third year I decided that I couldn't take it and I planned on overdosing with pills, but Sirius found me, he helped me through it, and I think that I could help you".

Harry slowly stepped down from the ledge feeling confused, why would anyone want him to stay alive?

Remus smiled a true smile and helped harry walk down the steps. 

I know what the fuck kind of ending is that! sorry :D