Skinny Girl

Fat...?

*TRIGGER WARNING*
see description for details

Was I fat?

I didn't know.

In ballet class, I would look around at the other girls.

I was fatter than them.

Right?

My thighs touched.

Just about.

Georgia's didn't.

She had beautiful, skinny legs.

I wanted my legs to be like hers.

My teacher would often shout at me.

I couldn't pay attention, as I was too busy comparing my body with the girl's next to me.

I knew I was thinner than my friend who was on a diet.

But I didn't like the way my tummy seemed to stick out.

I wasn't sure if it was just me, or if it really did.

I hated going to ballet classes because I had to wear a leotard.

That's when I stopped wearing bikinis.

Yes.

At age 10, I decided I would not wear bikinis because I didn't want people to judge my body.

I remember last summer, I had lost some weight and I wore a bikini once at night time.

Nobody could see my body.

But I was terrified.

I felt like I was hanging out of the bikini.

It was only because all my other swimsuits were at the hotel.

Anyway.

I also quit ballet classes at about that time too.

I still took jazz class, but their dress code allowed me to wear a shirt over my leotard.

Now I think about it, it was really sad.

I was just 10, and I didn't like to wear certain clothes because I didn't want to look fat.

I guess I was always destined to have eating problems.

Now I think about it, I can't believe it's been a problem for so long.

I can't believe that I hated by body at just 10 years old.

It sounds so, so stupid.

But it was true.