*TRIGGER WARNING*
After Christmas, my eating spiralled out of control.
I started to binge whenever I could.
I've heard your body often does that, because it's worried that this could be it's only food source for a while.
I always hated myself so, so much whilst I ate, but I physically couldn't stop myself.
The control that I had worked so hard for was gone.
At first I didn't really notice any difference.
But one day, my friend told me I 'didn't look so thin anymore.'
Apparently I'm still really thin, but she could tell I had put on weight.
I hated that.
I didn't want to put on weight!
I had kind of managed to push the thoughts back, but they just got dragged back up again.
And so I tried to get into a cycle of restricting again.
And then coronavirus had to go and cancel school and ruin it all.
I could look like I used to right now.
But, until recently, I could only exercise outside once a day, and my mum always made me go on a walk with her.
And I can't restrict properly.
The eating is killing me, at least that's what it feels like.
But there's nothing I can do about it.
I managed to sum up the courage weigh myself the other day.
55kg.
I've come to the conclusion that I really hate the scales because they never lie.
I can persuade the mirror to lie by sucking in my tummy and doing my makeup in a certain way.
But no matter what I do, the scales with always tell the truth.
YOU ARE READING
Skinny Girl
Random*TRIGGER WARNING* Please don't read this if you have suffered (or are suffering) with an eating disorder. It's not good for you, and I don't want to hurt you. I do NOT encourage any of this behaviour. I know how awful it is, but sometimes you just...
