Skinny Girl

Do I Have To?

*TRIGGER WARNING*
ngl, if you haven't seen the warning on every other chapter already then I'm kinda concerned 😂

In October, I began to restrict.

And when I say restrict, I mean really RESTRICT.

At first, I was managing to cut my intake down to 1,300 ish calories a day. I was still eating 3 meals every day, and a snack at break time.

Then I realised that I could substitute my lunch for a zero-calorie 'Berry crush' tea (or something like that- I can't really remember what it's called)

I was down to about 900 calories a day.

I remember one day I was so, so proud of myself.

Well, it was kind of two days.

I ate breakfast on Tuesday morning with my mum and sister. I had 2 weetabixes in oat milk and 1/2 a cup of orange juice.

I then had a kiwi for snack, that I specifically remember was 35 calories.

At a guess, I was probably at about 200 calories at this point.

I then skipped lunch and had my 0 calorie tea.

Then I realised that my mum and sister had my sister's parents evening and I had to make myself dinner.

I smeared some pesto around a bowl and left it on the side.

When my mum asked me what I ate I told her I had pesto pasta.

I ate about 1/4 cup of sweet corn that evening and nothing else.

I was so proud of myself, that the next morning I poured a little milk into the bottom of my bowl and left that on the side.

I felt so good about myself then.

My friends were worried that I wasn't eating lunch ever, but I just couldn't bring myself to eat.

I would weigh myself every morning.

It was obsessive.

Crazy.

It still is.