She's Suicidal

nine

"Hey blue , which movies do you have here" Nephine asks - well yells -from the TV room

"Just a bunch of , literally everything " I yell back

I'm currently in my room changing to my pj's which are long pants and a cropped vest. He changed immediately when we got here. We started off at his and then came to my place after he got his stuff.

Luckily he was smart enough not to ask any questions about my family. I drag my butt to the TV room where he is sprawled out on the very comfy carpet with his head rested on a pillow. We have snacks around and it looks like he is watching - wait what ? No flippin way!! - he's watching Moana ? Fucken perfect. I love that movie !!! Well I love most animated movies but I dont watch them all the time.

I sit next to him and we watch the movie. We weren't cuddling or anything , nah-ah. Just us chilling. Like the professional friends that we are. Haha.

"Hey blue , mind if I asked something ?" The movie just ended and we're tidying up.

"Sure. Wait ,is it stupid? Haha like your face ?"

"No dumbass. Besides you love my face" he smirks at me

"Just ask the damn question " I roll my eyes

"Um , who do you live with ?" I says a bit nervous

I intensively stare at him. As if I could burn his insides to death with just a look. Then I look away and continue cleaning up.

"Alone." That's all I say and he surprisingly just nods and lets it go.

Why do I say surprisingly since I just gave him that look? Well Nephine isn't the type to feel threatened by my intense looks or literally anything I do or say. If he wanted to push he would have. Whether I was okay with it or not.

I don't push on why he let it go so easily even if it did kind of bother me. Once we're done we head to my room and just chill on the bed

"Hey blue"

"Yeah ?" I say facing him

"Do you believe in love ? Like the whole idea about soulmates , falling inlove and all that?" He asks still facing the ceiling

"Um , I dont know. No?" I never really thought about that.

"No? Why not ?"

"I dont know Nephine. I just never really thought about it." I say honestly

"Okay. I'm giving you some time to think about it now. Tell me once you have an answer for me" he looks at me for a brief second and then looks back to the ceiling as if in deep thought himself.

He actually looks serious about this whole thing. This is so random of him to ask. What do I think about love?

"Well - " I start

"I think it exists. Love that is." I say

"Okay , continue" he replies

"It has to exist. What other way could we explain the whole of existence if there is no love ? There wouldn't be nature or humans or animals for that matter. There is love between nature and its inhabitants. There's love between the moon and the sun and there is love between the sun and nature. The is love between animals and humans. Love is everywhere in many forms Nephine."

"I hear you. What about soulmates?" He says

"I dont however know about the love between human beings. I mean , I know its there which is how we were able to coexist for so long and reproduce as well but a love so deep you could say it was put together by a higher entity? I dont know. I dont think humans are able to love that deep. Or maybe it's because I , myself have personally not experienced that kind of love" I say a bit sadly because to come to think of it that kind of love is what I think I'm mostly searching for.

"I think it exists. I think humans are able to love that deep and even more. Not because of experience or anything but because I genuinely believe there is such a thing. Humans are very power. In many ways that they are unaware of. Its like a wishing well that is unaware of its powers." He says with a little smile on his face

"Humans are selfish. They may love and they maybe powerful and posses a lot but to love that deep ? Ha! Yeah right..." I yawn

"You have so little faith in humans. Why?"

"As I said , they are selfish. All they care about is themselves and to a degree that's okay but loving is not about merely yourself but others and in turn you will feel love within which would then be the love you fill yourself with loving yourself in that way." I turn on my side facing in his direction.

"That's true. On the other though , I really believe that humans are capable of loving that deep. I believe that if its meant to be you love selflessly without noticing and that its only in the later stages that you notice that you're completely inlove with someone. You love blindly in other words. And I also believe that there's a deeper love than that of soulmates. I just know it ,you know. It's at the pit of my stomach." He grinned

He made sense but so did I. I truly believe that being inlove is more than just feeling. Its way more than that. Its something deeper than that. Its not just about how you feel about the other person or how they make you feel. Its deeper but I sure wasn't about to tell him that. He might want me to explain further and to be quite honest I dont think I can. That's just it. There is no words to explain further. You'd just have to be in that position or borrow my brain in order to understand my view of things.

I yawned again and decided to just close my eyes for a little while and listen to the sound of our breathing. Its not loud or anything but trying to hear it creates a sound of its own in my head.