This baby was kicking my ass. If I wasn’t sleeping, I was eating up everything in sight. I gained so much weight it was ridiculous. I was almost four months pregnant, but if I kept eating like this I was going to be big as a house. I was happy about this pregnancy for so many reasons. For one, I knew without a doubt that my husband was the father. He was the only person I had sex with in the last year. I know he had doubts about the paternity, but a simple DNA test would solve that. Jay and I had sex all day every day when he stayed at my house a few months ago. The first day we didn’t use any protection at all. After that, Jay refused to touch me without putting a condom on. He made a huge mistake when he didn’t bring any of his own. We ended up using the ones that I kept in the medicine cabinet in my bathroom. That was a mistake that he would spend the next 18 years of his life paying for since every single one in the box had been tampered with. When Jay was on his way over to bring our son some medicine, I put my plan in action. I used a stick pin to put holes in the entire box of the condoms. Jay was weak when it came to sex, especially oral, so I knew all I had to do was give him some bomb ass head and the rest would be history. I was skeptical about doing it at first, but everything worked out perfectly. I was having his baby again and he would just have to get used to the idea. I sat at my vanity mirror and started pulling the rollers from my hair. I had a meeting with Jay's probation office in an hour and I did not want to be late. I didn’t put any make- up on because I planned to do a lot of crying when I got over there. Tyra and I set up this meeting to try and convince him to release the probation hold he had on Jay. This pregnancy was the perfect reason for him to let my husband come home. I was convinced that Jay would come back home to me especially, since Beyonce had moved on. Tyra told me about her moving all of her stuff out of their condo and not answering any of his calls. I loved my husband to death, but that was so good for his dog ass. He fucked over me big time for Beyonce and look at what she did to him. She was flaunting her new man around like she didn’t have a care in the world. We all tried to tell him, but he never wanted to listen. Now he saw who really had his back and it wasn’t her home wrecking ass. I looked down at my ringing phone and saw that Tyra was calling me. “Hey chick,” I said, picking up the phone. “I’m on my way so I hope your fat ass is ready,” she said laughing. “Whatever heifer, I’m almost done with my hair so I should be done by the time you get here,” I replied. “Alright, I’ll blow when I’m downstairs,” she said hanging up the phone. I was so happy that I was back on speaking terms with Jay's family. They were mad with me for a while because I sent Jay to jail. When they heard what really happened and saw my black eye, they came around a little. Once everybody found out I was pregnant, they really welcomed me back with open arms. I was so happy because their support meant the world to me. Ty and Jay's father still didn’t care for me too much. I, along with Jay's mom, had to practically beg them to let me visit him. They didn’t care that he gave me a black eye or treated me like shit. The fact that I sent him to jail was unforgivable to them. I made my way downstairs and out the front door when I heard Tyra's horn blowing. “I’m about to win me an Academy award today, boo,” I said to Tyra as I got in the car. “Girl I hope I don’t laugh at your crazy ass. I know you about to perform,” Tyra replied. She was absolutely right. I could cry at the drop of a hat. It didn’t matter what anybody said. If crying could get Jay out of jail, I was about to cry a river. “Well, let me warn you now before you get surprised,” Tyra said looking at me. I made eye contact with her and nodded, giving her the green light to keep talking. From the look on her face I could tell that the news she was about to deliver wasn’t good. “Ty and my daddy are supposed to be meeting us up there so don’t be shocked if they do all the talking,” she informed me. My first mind wanted to tell her to take me back home, but I decided against it. I was about to be in the presence of the two people who hated me the most, but my husband was worth it. My heart was beating at a rapid pace and I felt the sweat building up in the palms of my hands. I was a nervous wreck and we hadn’t even gotten to the office yet. “Girl calm down,” Tyra said. I guess she noticed the change in my demeanor. Being calm would be easier said than done. “I’m as calm as I can be. I’m trying to prepare myself since I know they gone try to front on me in here,” I said. “You know Jay don’t do no wrong to them, but I got your back,” Tyra said making me feel a little better. “Thanks sissy, I appreciate that,” I said smiling. We drove for another ten minutes before we pulled up to the building that housed Jay's probation officer’s office. I’d been here with Jay before, but that was only for him to pay his monthly fee. Tyra and I got out of the car and walked up to the front door. My stomach was in knots and I didn’t know if it was the baby or my nerves. Tyra grabbed my hand and led me to the elevators. “NeyNey do not go in here and be scared to speak your mind. Don’t let my daddy and Ty intimidate you,” Tyra said as we made our way up the elevator to the 10 th floor. Mr. Gibson, Jay's probation officer, was expecting us at 10:30, so we were about 20 minutes early. I looked around the waiting room for any signs of Ty and his dad. “Thank God we got here before them,” I whispered to Tyra before I sat down. “You are too scary.” She said laughing as she checked us in with the receptionist. If I had any luck they wouldn’t show up at all. “She said he’s back there with somebody else, but he should be almost done. We’re his next appointment,” Tyra said, sitting down next to me. The waiting room was fairly empty with the exception of four other people. There were a total of five probation officers here so they were probably waiting for someone else. “I’m just ready to get this over with. Jay needs to be home before this baby is born,” I said rubbing my rounding belly. Besides the weight I gained, nobody outside of my family could tell that I was pregnant. My breast, ass and hips were the only things that seemed to get bigger. My belly had formed a little pouch, but I had to be naked for anyone to notice it. I loved being pregnant, but I missed my long island iced teas and Heinekens. “Courtney Carter?” The receptionist called after about a 15 minute wait. “Yes?” I answered as Tyra and I approached her desk. “Mr. Gibson is ready to see you,” she said. She buzzed us through the door and told us to go to room 114. I became more nervous with every step I took, but I tried not to let it show. Tyra walked in first with me trailing right behind her. “Good morning ladies. Sorry to keep you waiting so long,” Mr. Gibson said, shaking both of our hands. He was a very handsome, older gentleman with graying hair and a graying beard to match. “That’s okay, thank you for meeting with us,” Tyra said in return. I was so relieved that we were able to get in here and talk to him without Ty'Shawn and Ty interfering. “No problem. So you all are here on behalf of Shawn Carter right?” He asked, looking at me and Tyra for confirmation. We were about to answer when his desk phone started ringing. “Excuse me one moment please,” Mr. Gibson said before picking up his phone. He briefly spoke to whoever was on the other end before disconnecting the call. He got up from his desk and went to open his office door. My breath was caught in my throat when I saw Ty'Shawn and Ty come strolling in. I noticed the frown on TS's face as soon as he saw me and knew that this was about to be a complete mess. He and Ty sat in the chairs on the opposite side of me and Tyra. They didn’t even speak to her so I knew it was out of the question for them to say anything to me. “So let’s talk about why everyone is here for today,” Mr. Gibson said, looking around the room at all of us. “I’m here…” I started talking, but was rudely interrupted by TS. “I’m here on behalf of my son, Shawn Carter. He was arrested a couple of months ago on a battery charge, but now he has a probation hold on him,” TS said, “Before this incident, my son stayed out of trouble. He paid you on time and he checked in every time he was supposed to. I just want to know what we can do to get him out of jail without being violated.” Mr. Gibson got up and walked over to his file cabinet and looked through some things before pulling out a manila folder. “I had made plans to go visit Mr. Carter next week. Let me look at what we have here,” he said while reading over the paperwork. We sat quietly as he looked up some things on his computer. The tension in the room was thick enough to suffocate us all. “So he was arrested for battery on his wife?” Mr. Gibson asked. I wanted to disappear when TS and Ty looked over at me. “I’m his wife, but I didn’t press charges on him, so I don’t understand why he’s still in there,” I said. “The law doesn’t work that way and he’s in there for several reasons. For one, he had a gun in the vehicle that he was driving. Under the terms of his probation, he is not supposed to be anywhere near weapons,” Mr. Gibson stated. This meeting was not going the way I thought it would go. I was getting discouraged with every word he spoke. “What did you think would be the outcome of you calling the police on him?” He said looking to me for an answer. “That’s exactly my point,” Ty said, “You provoked the fight and then called the police when he tried to defend himself. You hit him in the head with an ashtray or did you forget to mention that to the police?” TS said. I wasn’t about to let them gang up on me and Tyra didn’t have my back as much as she said she did. She sat there in silence as her family went in on me about any and everything they could think of. “Look, I’m not saying I was right for calling the police on Jay because I did hit him first. Mr. Gibson, Jay and I have four kids together and one on the way. I need my husband home. I can’t do this without him,” I cried, looking up at him. I prayed that my tears were realistic. I needed this to work more than anything. “So he hit you while you were pregnant?” Mr. Gibson asked in shock. This meeting was going from bad to worse in a matter of minutes. “We didn’t know that I was expecting at the time,” I said wiping my teary eyes. At first, I was forcing myself to cry, but now the tears were pouring for real. I would never forgive myself if Jay didn’t come home before the two and a half years that he was facing. “They only have three kids together and my son is not sure that he is the father of the unborn baby. He and Courtney were in the process of getting a divorce when he was arrested,” TS chimed in. “That is a damn lie!” I shouted, standing to my feet. I couldn’t believe he was stooping so low. Jay was most definitely the father of my baby and I couldn’t wait to prove it to him and his entire family. For him to exclude Drew as being Jay's child was just dirty. “Calm down NeyNey. Let’s just try to get through this meeting without starting an argument,” Tyra said grabbing my arm. I pulled away from her and sat back in my seat. “Daddy, that is not true. They were not in the process of getting a divorce. He was still sleeping with her,” Tyra said. I was happy that she finally found her voice. “It don’t matter Tyra, he wanted a divorce and that’s why she sent him to jail,” Ty said. I was livid. I knew they were going to try to make me look bad and that’s exactly what they were doing now. “Okay, let’s just calm down,” Mr. Gibson said. “I need to look over a few things before I can make a decision on what’s going to happen with Shawn. I haven’t even spoken to him yet. Hopefully I can pay him a visit sometime next week. I’ll leave it up to him to tell everybody the outcome of our meeting.” He stood up from his desk and opened his office door. We all stood up too, since we knew that was our cue to leave. “Can I talk to you alone for a minute?” TS asked Mr. Gibson before we left. “Yes, you can, have a seat at my desk,” he said as he walked us out to the front lobby. I could only imagine what that conversation was going to be about. I rushed past Ty and Tyra and pressed the down button on the elevator. I was ready to get as far away from this place as I possibly could. Tyra was lagging behind talking to her brother. That was fine with me because I didn’t want to be in the elevator with his no good ass anyway. As soon as the doors opened, I pressed the close button and took the ride down by myself. When I got off, I walked to Tyra's car and waited for her to get there. This day was a complete disaster, thanks to Jay's father and brother. Tyra and I were supposed to be going out to eat, but after this mess I just wanted to go home and get in my bed. Tyra came out of the building after about five minutes, but Ty wasn’t with her. That was good since I didn’t care if I ever saw him again or not. “Just take me home. I’m not in the mood to go out to eat,” I said when she approached the car. “Why? I think you did well in there,” Tyra said smiling at me. “You can’t be serious. Your daddy and your brother ripped me a new asshole in there,” I said with my hands on my hips. “All the shit Jay did to me don’t even matter to nobody, but the minute I fuck up once, everybody is ready to hang me.” I was tired of always coming up short when came to Jay's family. “We need to go somewhere and talk, I know you have a lot on your mind,” Tyra said as we got into the car. She was right. I had a shitload of things on my mind, but she couldn’t help me with any of it. “Where do you want to go?” She asked as she pulled off. I really wanted to go home, but being by myself was not something I was looking forward to right now. My kids were with my sisters and they weren’t coming home until tomorrow. Before I could answer her question, my emotions got the best of me and I broke down crying. Why did loving my husband so much have to be this complicated? I thought that was what a wife was supposed to do, but obviously I was doing something wrong. “Don’t cry NeyNey, everything is going to work itself out,” Tyra said. I wanted to believe her. I needed to believe her, but it was too hard.
