Well I’ll be damned, my first weekend pass home and I was definitely in the right place at the right time. I’d just dropped my kids off at home, after spending the day with them, and decided to get me a drink. I was just about to leave when I spotted Beyonce walking through the door. I knew her so well that I could tell that she had been crying the minute I looked at her. I waited before I approached her just to make sure she was by herself. Beyonce never traveled alone so I knew something had to be wrong. For some reason she had been on my mind a lot lately so this had to be fate. “This can’t be real. There is no way in hell my day can be this fucked up,” she said, burying her face in her hands. “What’s wrong baby girl?” I asked as I took a seat at her table. I hadn’t been gone that long, but I missed the hell out of her for the short period of time that I was away. She was still the prettiest chick that I had ever laid eyes on and I couldn’t stop myself from staring at her. “Don’t call me that Jay, and don’t sit at my table. I see a bunch of empty tables in here, so you need to go pick one,” she snapped. I shook my head and laughed at the attitude that she was trying to give me. Not much had changed; Beyonce would forever have that flip ass mouth no matter what. “Damn, I’m just coming over here to make sure you’re alright. I can tell you’ve been crying. You want to talk about it?” I asked her. “No, I don’t, but thanks for asking,” she said sarcastically. “What, you and your new man having problems?” I asked her. “Don’t worry about me and my man. For your information, we are fine.” I felt some kind of way about her admitting that she even had a man in the first place, but I played it cool. I decided to fuck with her since I know for a fact she was sitting in my face lying to me. There was definitely trouble in paradise and I wasn’t stopping until I found out just what was up. “So where is he? It’s almost ten o’clock and you’re sitting in a bar having drinks by yourself. Not to mention, your phone been going off like crazy since I walked over here”. I had her right and she knew it. She snatched her phone off of the table and threw it in her purse. “Where’s your side kick Kelly? Why is she not in here with you?” I asked her. That was rare for them not to be together, especially if Beyonce was having problems. Kelly was always there for her. “Fuck Kelly,” she spat, taking a huge gulp of her drink. Now I knew shit had to be real. She used to be with Kelly damn near more than she was with me. That was one of the problems we had when we were together. “What happened?” I asked. “Nothing happened Jay. Just leave me alone,” she said looking away. “Alright, but at least let me buy you another drink,” I said standing to my feet. I walked over to the bar and ordered both of us a drink while Beyonce stayed at the table drowning in her sorrows. Under the rules of the facility that I was in I wasn’t supposed to be drinking at all, but just like my ex, I had a lot on my mind too. I don’t know why, but I agreed to go to counseling with Courtney and I’ve been regretting the decision ever since. I really didn’t understand why she wanted to be with me so bad. Even I knew that I wasn’t right for her. She would never have me to herself and she knew it. The sad part is, she was alright with that. “When did you get out?” Beyonce asked me when I came back to the table. “I’m not really out,” I replied, handing her the drink I bought for her. “What you escaped or something?” She asked looking at me sideways. “No,” I said laughing, “My P.O. got me in a program so I didn’t have to do all of my time in jail. I’m on a weekend pass.” I explained to her. “Oh, so when do you get out?” “If things go right, I might only have about thirty days left, maybe less. The waiting list for the facility I’m in is kind of long so they may be letting a few of us out early.” She picked up her cup and gulped down some of her drink. I knew something was bothering her, but at the rate she was going, she would be drunk in no time. “You might want to slow down with that drink Ma. You know drinking never was your thing.” I looked at her, expecting a flip response, but none ever came. To my surprise, she lowered her head and burst out crying. I jumped up from my chair and moved to the chair that was closest to where she was. I grabbed a handful of napkins from the table and handed them to her. “What’s wrong Bey?” I asked her as I pulled her chair closer to mine. I always did hate to see her cry even if it was my fault sometimes. “Everything is wrong,” she cried, leaning her head on my shoulder. She smelled so good, but now wasn’t the time to make my move. “It can’t be that bad,” I said while rubbing her back. She sat up straight and gave me a cold stare. “Yeah, well you’re not the one that just caught your sister and your best friend in the bed fucking either,” she said sarcastically. This time I was the one who was staring. “Solange or Janaé?” I asked surprised. “Janaé,” she said with a frown. “Damn, I knew Kelly got down, but I never thought your sister was that type,” I said shaking my head. “What the hell you mean you knew Kelly got down? Got down with what?” She asked looking at me crazily. “Come on now Beyonce, I know you not that damn naïve. Have you ever saw your girl with a man? How do you think she met Tori?” I assumed she knew everything about her girl, but I was obviously wrong. “Tori mess with girls too?” She asked loudly. “Damn, you really don’t know huh?” “Don’t know what? You driving me crazy with all these riddles,” she said angrily. “Tori and Kelly used to mess around. I thought you knew. Why you think they don’t get along now? Tori was feeling some kind of way when you and Kelly got tight so they went their separate ways,” I said. “What! Wasn’t Tori with Bentley though?” She asked in shock. “Yeah. That nigga knew what was up, but he didn’t care and now I know why he didn’t care.” I guess he didn’t care that his girl was fucking with other girls since he was too busy fucking with other men. I still don’t know how that got past me for so long. “It’s like, I don’t know who is who anymore. Nobody is who they say they are,” Bey said shaking her head. “Everybody’s not like that. I was always real with you no matter what. You were the one that did me wrong,” I said looking her in the eyes. “You can’t be serious. You call, fucking me and your wife at the same time being real?” “I wasn’t fucking y’all at the same time. I left Courtney to be with you and look where that got me. If I wouldn’t have been chasing behind your lying ass I probably wouldn’t have went to jail in the first place,” I yelled getting heated. “It’s not my fault that you went to jail so don’t blame that shit on me,” she yelled back. “Yeah alright. You probably with that same nigga that you was in the club with the night I went to jail. Tell the truth for once in your life. You can at least give me that,” I said. “Why does it matter who I’m with. We are not together,” she replied. “You don’t have to keep saying that. I already know. I don’t even want to be with your sneaky ass,” I lied. I was hurt and I wanted to say something that I thought would hurt her. “I don’t want to be with you either,” she said seriously. “Cool, so now that that’s out of the way, answer my question,” I said looking deep into her eyes. “What question?” She asked as if she didn’t know. “Is the dude you’re with now the same dude that my brother saw you in the club with a few months ago?” I asked loud enough for her to hear. “Yes,” she replied with her head down. “Yeah, that’s what I thought. So where is he now? It must not be all that if you out her by yourself this time of night,” I said matter- of- factly. “That’s not your business. He’s not like you so he doesn’t have to go everywhere I go,” she replied smartly. “That’s bullshit and you know it. That nigga did something wrong. I know you Beyonce. If y’all were straight you wouldn’t even be in here right now,” I said. She knew I was telling the truth, but she didn’t respond. “Don’t get quiet now. You left me to be with that nigga and now it’s not what you thought it was gon’ be,” I said rubbing it in. I didn’t know what the nigga did, but I was happy he did it. “I didn’t leave you to be with nobody. I left you so you could be with your wife.” “Stop lying. You knew what the deal was with me and Courtney. Hell, you came with me when I had the divorce papers drawn up. If that wasn’t what you wanted you could have said something a long time ago,” I said getting pissed all over again. “I did say something. I tried to leave you a million times, but you wouldn’t let me,” she said with tears streaming down her face. “You made me sneak, lie, and cheat. You wouldn’t let me have a life if you weren’t in it,” she cried. I thought about what she said. Maybe I went about things the wrong way, but that still wasn’t an excuse for how she did me. “Alright, I’ll take the blame for some of that, but you fucked over me big time and you know it. I couldn’t even get you to pick up the phone when I called and you knew I was locked up. Then you went like a thief in the night and moved all of your stuff out of the house.” “That was the only way I was able to get away from you Jay,” she said loudly, “If you wouldn’t have gone to jail you wouldn’t have let me leave.” “Fuck outta here with that. You talking like you were a prisoner or some shit,” I said. “That’s exactly how I felt,” she said shaking her head. We both sat there and stared at each other in silence. I don’t know how we ended up talking about us, but I was happy that we did. At least now I knew how she felt. As mad as I was, it still didn’t change how I felt. She was still my heart and nothing would ever change that. Not even my wife. “So now what? That’s just the end of me and you?” I asked her. “Yes, Jay. I finally have some peace in my life and I want it to stay that way. Up until all of this happened today, I was drama free and besides, you just said you didn’t want me anymore anyway,” she replied. “So you never had peace when we were together?” I asked, ignoring the last part of her statement. “Not as long as your wife had breath in her body I didn’t.” “Well you don’t have to worry about that anymore. That’s a wrap,” I said. I was trying to convince her to give me another chance or at least think about it. “You always say that, but the truth is, you want us both,” Beyonce said. “No, I only want you,” I said sincerely. “Yeah right. You want the best of both worlds. You want to play around with me in the day and go home and screw your wife at night,” she said laughing. “I wasn’t even having sex with her when we were together so that’s a lie,” I replied. “Well how did she get pregnant if you weren’t having sex with her?” I was caught off guard with that one. I didn’t think she even knew about my wife being pregnant. Knowing Courtney she probably sent her the sonogram to make sure she found out. “Who said it was mine?” I asked looking at her. “She made sure I knew it was yours so don’t even try to lie,” she said looking right back at me. There was no sense in me lying so I didn’t try. “So this makes baby number five huh?” She asked. “Nah, she had a miscarriage.” I was sorry about what happened to Courtney, but I was relieved I wouldn’t have to go through even more drama by having another baby with her. “Sorry to hear that,” Beyonce said apologetically. “So where are you staying at now? I’m guessing it’s with ole boy huh?” I asked. I braced myself for the answer that I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear. “No, I live with my mama, but I’m not going there tonight. I don’t want to run into Janaé or nobody else.” “Well I know you’re not going by Kelly's’, so where are you going to go?” She had a faraway look on her face and I hated to see her so sad. “I’ll probably go by my brothers’ for a few days. I just need to get away.” “Well you know you more than welcome to come chill at the condo by me.” I looked at her, expecting to see her frown up, but she never did. She actually looked like she was thinking about it, but her words said something different. “Thanks for offering Jay, but I don’t think that would be a good idea,” she said. I was persistent so I wasn’t trying to hear that. She was vulnerable, but I would take her any way I could get her right about now. It was wrong, but that’s how I felt. “Well let me put you up in a room then. What about the Ritz- Carlton on Canal St.?” I asked. I knew that was her spot. Before I bought us the condo, we used to chill there all the time. “I can’t. I don’t even have any more clothes with me.” I knew I was all good when she said that. Any other time she would have flat out said no. I was excited like a kid at Christmas, but I didn’t show it. “Don’t worry about that, I’ll take you to get something tomorrow,” I said. She didn’t say anything, but I could tell that she was thinking about it. I didn’t want to seem too pushy so I didn’t say anything else. I waited until she was ready to reply. “Alright Jay, but don’t think you’re staying there with me. Just pay for the room and leave,” she said seriously. “That’s cool,” I said throwing my hands up in surrender. “Once I make sure you’re straight, I’m leaving.” I lied. There was no way in hell I was leaving that room once I paid for it. She stood up and grabbed her purse and her drink before heading for the door. I snatched up my drink and followed close behind while quietly admiring the view. I didn’t know who her man was, but I was definitely about to give him a run for his money.
