I really hated myself right now. Here I was downing Miche for not being honest with me and I was straight up lying to him. I wasn’t at my brother’s house. In fact, I hadn’t seen my brother in about 2 months, but I wasn’t worried about him finding out the truth. I had two brothers, one whom lived in Atlanta and another whom lived in Laplace and neither came to New Orleans, unless they was coming to visit us and that wasn’t very often. I was laid up in Jay's bed yet again. A place I swore I’d never come back to. I wanted to blame me sleeping with him on the alcohol, but I was fully aware of what I was doing. One time is considered a mistake, but we were now on day number four. When I saw him at the bar a few days ago, I ended up telling him about what happened with my sister and Kelly. I left out the part about seeing Micheal with his ex. He didn’t need anything to rub in my face later on. He offered to pay for a hotel room for me and I agreed, but I somehow ended up coming back to the condo with him and I’ve been here ever since. Jay was only out for the weekend, at the time, so he hasn’t been here with me in the last couple of days. He’s only allowed to leave on four hour passes during the week and he spends all four of those hours at the house with me, just like he’s doing right now. He got pissed when I answered my phone for Micheal so he left out of the room while we talked. I was already starting to feel like I was making the same mistake all over again. Not much had changed since Jay and I broke up. Courtney was still calling him every five minutes and he still lied to her every time she called. He kept asking me to go places with him, but I would die before we got caught in public together. It was bad enough I ran into Tori, at Macy’s, a few days ago. I was so happy that I was alone. Seeing me with Jay would have only given her more ammunition against me. I made sure to tell her messy ass about minding my business. This was her first and last warning from me. The next time something like that happened I was whooping her ass, no questions asked. I still had feelings for Jay, but I was in love with Micheal and that’s who I wanted to be with. I didn’t lie to Jay about anything. I didn’t go into details about what happened with between me and Micheal, but he knew that Micheal was still my man. After our brief talk earlier, I was ready for us to put the past behind us and move on. He was right when he said I ran away from all of my problems. I wasn’t very confrontational when it came to my feelings, but I needed to get better. Even the situation with Kelly and my sister was handled wrong. I don’t know if I could ever accept them being together, but I wasn’t willing to lose my best friend over it. I finally answered the phone when she called me earlier. We are meeting up today so that we could have a much needed talk. I really missed my friend. I was prepared to hear her out as well as forgive her. After all, I was far from perfect. “The next time you want talk to your lil boy toy you need to be the one to leave out of the room,” Jay said, sitting down on the bed. “I don’t have a boy toy, I have a man,” I replied. “You keep saying that, but you been in my bed for the past four days. Where was your so called man at then?” He asked sarcastically. This was one of the reasons why I was having regrets about coming here in the first place. Jay could be an asshole sometimes. He wasn’t accustomed to being number two aka a side nigga. Courtney laid out the red carpet and threw rose petals at his feet so he expected that kind of treatment from every woman. He already knew that would never happen with me. “You are so right, but we’re good now. I’m going back home today,” I smirked, just to piss him off. After I met up with Kelly, I was going home to talk to my sister. So many things weren’t adding up with her. I still couldn’t get over Trent saying that she worked in a strip club. “Fuck that nigga. He can have his fun with you for right now, but you not going nowhere and you know it,” Jay replied arrogantly. “Watch me,” I said getting out of the bed. I grabbed my duffle bag that I bought from Macys a few days ago and started packing up my clothes. True to his word, Jay made sure I had everything I needed while I was there. “I’m not talking about you going home. I’m talking about you leaving me alone altogether. No matter who you mess with, you gon’ always come back to me. You can’t stay away and neither can I,” Jay said staring at me. I didn’t reply because, in some ways, he was right. Jay and I were familiar to each other, but it would never work out with us. “Jay, even if I wanted to be with you, your wife would never let that happen. I already told you I’m done with all that fighting and shit. You already have a complete family and I haven’t even started one yet. I’m good with who I’m with,” I replied. He looked like he was offended, but I was only being honest. I went in the bathroom and started grabbing all of my feminine items. When I turned around, Jay was standing right behind me. I jumped when I saw him and he smiled in return. “So you’re saying it’s officially over between us?” He asked while closing the bathroom door. “Yes. It really shouldn’t have started back up. You’re still married and I’m with somebody else. This is a disaster waiting to happen. Especially if your crazy ass wife finds out,” I said backing away from him. The more I backed away from him, the more he came at me. After a while, I was backed into the wall with nowhere else to go. My mouth was saying one thing, but I was about to do the exact opposite. “Why you so worried about Courtney all of a sudden? It’s not like you’re scared of her as many times as you beat her ass,” he said, “You just worried about your dude finding out. That’s what all the hesitation is about.” Honestly, I was terrified of what would happen if Micheal found out I cheated on him. Even though I saw him with Kayla, I had no proof that anything had happened between them. I only used that as an excuse to justify my wrong doings with Jay. When Micheal and I first got together he asked me a million times if I was sure that I was over Jay. And a million times I lied and told him I was. “I just feel bad for cheating on him,” I said sadly. I wish I could have taken what I said back, but it was too late. The damage was already done. Jay took a step back and looked at me with confused eyes. “Did you feel bad for cheating on me with that nigga?” He asked angrily. “That was different because you had a wife,” I said in my defense. “That’ bullshit!” he yelled, “I treated you better than any woman I was ever with, including my wife. Me being married was always your excuse whenever you got caught doing something wrong.” “You are really crazy. You get mad every time I bring up the fact that you’re married. It’s not like I’m lying. Let me get out of here, I’m not trying to get into an argument with you about facts.” I tried to move around him, but he blocked me from doing so. He pushed me back against the wall and grabbed both my hands, pinning them above my head with one of his. With his free hand, he reached under my night shirt and started to remove my underwear. I tried to close my legs, but he forced them open with his knee. “Jay stop. You gon’ make me late,” I whispered. It was crazy how my mind was saying one thing, but my body was saying the total opposite. Of course he ignored my weak pleas and managed to get my underwear off with little effort. When he leaned down to kiss me, the little fight that I did put up was all gone. He didn’t need to hold my arms down anymore because I wasn’t going anywhere. When we broke our kiss, we started at each other for what felt like forever. “Why did he have to be so damn sexy?” I asked myself. My eyes drifted to the large, red colored letters, spelling out my name that was on his neck. Jay kneeled down and wrapped one of my legs around his neck. I closed my eyes and grabbed the back on his head as he dove in tongue first. All the guilt I felt earlier was long gone, but I knew it would return once I came down off this high Jay had me on.
