Things weren’t perfect in my world, but they were certainly looking up. It took a lot of persuading on my part, but Jay had finally agreed to go to marriage counseling with me. I couldn’t believe he actually said yes. He was so unpredictable at times. I didn’t want to give him a chance to change his mind so I was sitting in my living room with my sisters looking through the phone book for some counselors in our area. I wanted to do it before Jay got released from the facility he was in, but that was proving to be harder than I thought. I figured if everything went right, Jay might move back home once he was released next month. He still didn’t tell me that he might be coming home soon, but Ty kept me on top of everything that was happening. He was currently enjoying his first weekend pass home, but I hadn’t seen much of him. He spent all day Friday with the kids, but nobody knew where he was today. He promised to come back for them today, but he never answered his phone when I called. Tyra said that he was probably running the streets with Ty, but my woman’s intuition told me something different. “That nigga still not answering his phone,” my sister Chariece asked me. “Nope. I know he see me calling him too,” I said heated. “He’s wrong for that shit. He knows these children be looking forward to seeing him,” Camilla said shaking her head. “You tried calling from a different number?” My sister Chariece asked. “No, he knows all of y’alls numbers so that won’t work,” I replied. “Knowing him, he’s probably laid up with somebody,” Camilla said shaking her head. I hated to admit it, but she was probably right. Jay still had his condo so that was where he was staying while he was home. I swear if I knew where it was I would kick that door down and whip whatever bitch he was in there laid up with. “He might be laid up with that hoe Beyonce,” Chariece chimed in. “No. He ain’t laid up with her. She found another sucker to take care of her. It’s probably somebody he just met with his dog ass,” I said getting mad. “You saying he’s a dog yet you looking through the phone book trying to find a marriage counselor,” Camilla said sarcastically. “I know, but if this doesn’t work then it’s a wrap. I’m tired of trying,” I said more to myself than anyone else. I love Jay more than life itself, but I was wearing myself out chasing behind him. “You should be tired. Especially since you’re the only one who seems to be trying to make it work,” Chariece said. “Bitch I suggest you keep your mouth shut. You’re really not in a position to give me any advice on my husband,” I said pointing my finger in her direction. She looked away without responding and that was the best thing for her to do. “Don’t get mad with her. You not mad at Jay's dog ass. He’s just as much to blame as she is,” Camilla said, taking up for our sister. I found out a few months ago that my sister, Chariece, gave my husband oral sex, but that wasn’t the worst part. I assumed it only happened once, but to my surprise it had been going on for months. I forgave her, but she could keep her opinions about my husband and my marriage to herself. “I’m not mad at nobody. I just don’t want to hear that right now,” I said with an attitude. “Mama is my daddy coming to get us today?” My daughter Denim asked when she entered the living room. She had been coming in and out of here every five minutes asking the same question. “You are getting on my last damn nerve asking the same question. Get out of my face and go upstairs somewhere!” I yelled. I could tell I hurt her feelings, but I really didn’t care at the moment. Jay had me in a fucked up mood as usual. “You shouldn’t have hollered at her like that Courtney. It’s not her fault you mad with her daddy. You need to stop letting what he do control how you feel,” Camilla said. “Like I just said, I’m not mad with nobody. I’m just tired of her coming in here asking the same question,” I snapped. “Girl let’s get out of here before I say something I might regret,” Chariece said to Cammila. They both got up and headed for the door at the same time. I didn’t care one way or the other. I wasn’t in the mood for company anyway. “Call me when you get your attitude together,” Camilla said before slamming my front door. I felt bad for the way I was acting, but I couldn’t help it. The person I wanted to get mad at was nowhere to be found so I lashed out at those who were around me. I lay on my sofa, rubbing my now slightly flattened stomach, deep in thought. I wondered how things would have been between Jay and me if I’d had our baby. There was no doubt in my mind that things would have been different. Jay loves kids so I knew he would have come around eventually. Unfortunately, thanks to Tori, I would never know. My blood boiled every time I thought about the fight we had that caused me to lose my baby. Even after I told her that I was pregnant, she still kicked me while I was down. She was hurt and I knew all too well how she felt, but my unborn baby’s health should have meant something to her. Hate was a strong word and an even stronger emotion, but I really hated her for what she did. I felt the warm tears glide down my face at a rapid pace. I was so tired of crying, but that was all I seemed to do lately. I got up from the sofa and grabbed some paper towels from my kitchen counter to wipe my face. A thought came to me and I was about to act on it before I changed my mind. I sat on my living room floor, flipping through the phonebook until I saw what I was looking for. I dialed the number and waited for someone to pick up the phone. “Uptown Health Care,” a woman said after the phone rang three times. “Hi, I’m calling to speak to the Director of Nursing,” I said in my most professional voice. I was told to hold while my call was being connected. I decided that today would be the last day I for tears. It was time for me to get back to the way I used to be. I hope everybody was prepared because I was done being nice.
