Charmed Life.

Chapter Thirty One.

© All rights reserved.  LittleThingsInLife

Chapter Thirty one.

I successfully avoided close contact with Aiden for the next couple of the weeks; we were pleasant to one another, and he occasionally checked to see if I was okay. The longest conversation we'd had was when he asked how I'd handled going to see my new therapist;

Karl had told me I was seeing a therapist on Wednesday at 4:30 to see if she'd be a good match for me, and to see if it was something I'd be able to go through with.

Her name was Dr Greene and she seemed nice, we didn't do much delving into my past, she just asked me 'get to know' questions and even told me some stuff about herself. I felt somewhat comfortable; as comfortable as anyone could talking to a stranger who you knew was soon going to be asking you very personal questions.

I didn't mind her though and I also didn't want to go through meeting more people to see if we had a better connection, so I agreed with Karl and Sandra that I would see Dr Greene weekly and start dealing with my issues.

And so began my weekly chats with Dr Greene; I couldn't help being standoffish and vague with her at first, I was so used to blocking that part of my life that I didn't want to dredge it all up to her, as she wanted a lot more in depth details than Cam or Aiden had, and she wanted to know how I'd felt going through it all.

"I don't know? Shit." I said sarcastically. A coping mechanism Dr Greene called it.

It was weird how different my personality became after each session, I was more sarcastic and bold, but then I'd be sobbing and shy, or quiet and with-holding, and then brash and outspoken... It was definitely a rollercoaster of emotions I was riding.

"Try Alex, I know it's not easy, but try to remember how it all made you feel, let it out." She said looking over at me with confidence in my strength to get through this.

I felt my mouth tremble slightly and bit my lip so I didn't start crying "Weak. Pathetic... Derek used to tell me about how his dad was never around and his mom would take it out on him that his dad was a cheat and a drunk. He'd say it made him feel weak that he would let her boss him around or push him about, it was like he didn't realise he was doing the same to me, or he did and that his upbringing justified it all." 

"He'd say how it was my fault we weren't a happy family anymore, because he'd come to save me first in the fire, like if I'd just woken up and got myself out we'd all still be this perfect hallmark family. Maybe he's right, maybe he wouldn't have turned into an asshole."

"How am I supposed to argue with that right, I'm not a fucking psychic, I don't know what coulda-woulda-shoulda happened. Maybe if they'd had the wiring checked there wouldn't have been a fire in the first place... But yeah, blame the kid if it makes you feel better about beating on her. Maybe mom got the better end of the deal, maybe if she were still alive we'd both be in his clutches."

Tears were slowly running down my face and I angrily swiped at them.

"So yeah, it made me feel weak that I let that b*stard and his d*ckhead friend ruin my life... So much so that I know I'll never be able to have a normal relationship with someone."

I thought back to a few weeks ago, when Aiden had kissed me so thoroughly and magically and how it had ended so horrendously because of my own fears that now we were barely talking to each other.

"But hey, could be worse, I'm free now and I live with amazing and caring people, and I know they'd never do anything to hurt me. I know it..." I smile through the tears, the Spencer's had been the one great thing to come out of all this, even with the awkwardness between me and Aiden, I was still so grateful they'd taken me in.

Sandra picked me up after my session, red eyed but slightly lighter, she never asked what we'd spoken about, she would just tell me about her day or remind me of funny things her kids had done to get me to laugh. I was very lucky to have these people in my life.

......

A particularly intense session with Dr Greene the week after had me in an emotional turmoil for the rest of the week, and so when Lucas asked - for the first time since the disaster that was the last one - if I wanted to go to house party, I immediately said yes, it had been at least five weeks since 'the night we have elected to forget' and I was in need of a distraction.

With very little persuasion Kim and Anna got me in a long sleeved, thigh length black dress and I even partook in some pre drinking with them while they did my hair and makeup. I needed to feel like a teenager, needed to forget my therapist, forget my past, forget Aiden and just let loose with my friends.

It's party time.