I can't [On-Going]

8

• Alexandra's •
(read A/N if there's any confusion from the previous chapter)

Naka uwi na kami sa bahay within 12 o'clock ng hapon. I'm so exhausted kasi kumain nalang kami sa labas before umuwi.

Our house is two storey. Kaharap na ang stairs sa guest area which as you entered the house, may sofa and mga single chair na naka lagay.

Kasi yung house namin nasa baba yung living room, kitchen and dining room while sa 2nd floor naman ay yung bedrooms. Kung baga, elevated yung house namin from the original street floor.

There are minimal steps sa stairs na papunta sa baba, and another sa stairs na papunta sa taas which is kung saan ang aming bedrooms. There's an open space as you entered the second floor, but it's occupied by one sofa and one single chair. A coffee table at the center and under it is a zebra patterned carpet.

There are 5 bedrooms in the House. One is yung sa ground floor and the 4 other is nasa taas.

I made the master's bedroom for Mama, kasi she deserves it sa lahat ng hard work niya to raise us ni Alexander.

The Ground floor bedroom ay kay Alexander yun. He wants na nasa baba lang daw yung bedroom niya para malapit sa kusina. Napaka-abnormal talaga ng kapatid ko diba?

Then the other bed na nasa taas ay yung saakin. I don't need na master's bedroom akin kasi nga mas importante na kay Mama yun.

The third bedroom is for Beatrice. Mama already designed her room while nasa Korea kami. The design of this room is just ordinary lang kasi wala namang pag-lalagyan pa dati. Now that I have Beatrice, Mama made is aesthetically pleasing. She doesn't want it na super kiddie bedroom para kay Beatrice, kasi la-laki pa naman si Bea. She won't remain as a child forever.

The fourth room is still empty, we just made it as our guest room kasi wala pa naman kaming naiisipan na ilagay diyan.

Well may bathroom naman kami dito sa Second floor. Which is dito kami maliligo ni Beatrice, kasi Mama's Masters bedroom should be hers.

Pinakawalan ko na si Athena dahil na fe-feel ko na ang glare niya saakin. Nilagay ko Ang potty niya sa ilalim ng sink sa labas ng bathroom dito sa second floor. Di ko kasi sinali ang sink sa loob ng bathroom kasi masikip na.

I lead Beatrice to her room. Well, finally she has her own room now.

I open the door for her and she walks in. There's a small shelf there, it's half occupied because she still has her books from Korea to put.

I level myself to her. "This will be your room from now on, okay? My room is across from here, Mama-La is next to yours. Now, rest because I know you're tired." I said, after that I changed her clothes and diaper.

She settle herself on the bed and close her eyes. She had a tiring day. I adjust the LED lights to dim and made my way out of her room.

I go to my room to change into my shorts and medium size t-shirt. Once I'm done, I go down stairs and saw my mom watching TV and sitting on the couch.

I sit next to her with my head on the couch's back. I'm so exhausted from the flight and it's killing me.

"Is Bea asleep?" She asked while still looking at the TV.

I nod at her and sit myself up.

"Alexandra, when will you plan on telling her about her father? You know that she deserves to know him, despite how much an asshole he is."

I take a deep breath and exhales. I know I need to tell her the truth, I know I need to open it up. "Mom, I still need more time." I said while rubbing the bridge of my nose.

"When's the time, Xandra? Until she'll realize your trying to just keep it to yourself because your need time?"

"Mama, please.."

"Alexandra, I know you've been traumatized because of me and your father. But I didn't asked you to be in a relationship with him again, you just need to tell your daughter that you're both separated." She adjust herself so she can looked at me.

All those nightmares that I had. All those screams that I heard while I'm asleep, it's from the day our father left us. Feeling and Seeing the person you knew for years has decided to leave. Alexander was there, hugging me tightly, making me feel safe. As a bunch of glasses had break from a tantrum our father had. I flinched every time I heard another glass is shattered, my brother is holding me tightly everytime it happens.

After that, my mom take me to a psychiatrist, learning that I'll began to hyperventilate once my anxiety attacks. It's been a rough year for me, I was still in 8th grade before. Still couldn't digest that moment in my life. I may be a young adult that day, but I still couldn't digest it.

"Ma, she'll asked me reasons. Then what would I tell her ma? 'oh we're separated because your father has someone else while you're still in my tummy?' or 'well Beatrice, your father's a dck!' should I said that Ma?" I said and rub my face exasperatingly.

I stood up and go to the kitchen, getting some water to calm my nerves down. I don't want to snap my words at her just because of my bursting emotion. I need to control my this because I know where it would lead if I'd reached my limit.

My Mom stood from the sofa and gave me a back hug. Leaning her chin on my shoulder. "Alexandra, four years has passed. Your daughter will soon enter her first kindergarten. She's a grown up now and you teach her how to be independent. Which is why I'm proud of you. She'll understand, Xandra. She will." My Mom said and kissed the side of my head. She goes back to the couch and continue to watch her show.

I go up to the second floor and take a peak of Beatrice who's sleeping peacefully inside her comforter. I come inside her bedroom and close the door.

I slid myself inside her comforter and lay beside her. I watch her sleeping in front of me. I put the tiny bit of hair to the back of her ear.

She move as I completely slid myself inside the comforter. "Mommy?"

I hum in response to her. "I love you, Mommy." She said half-asleep.

I felt my eyes heavy and without knowing a tear is forming. I sniff my nose and hug my daughter who's asleep.

I still need time Beatrice.

I'm sorry if I didn't have courage to tell you..

But I still need time

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05|19|20  A/N

So that's what happened in Alexandra's dream back in chapter 2
ಠ_ಠ

But, who is Aspen's gonna introduce?
Why is he being introduced?
Well, stay tuned! We'll meet him soon!
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