Choices

Chapter 45

I think you all... deserve to wait and see how I envision Evan because I'm evil like that. Instead here is how I picture Brian! Honestly, I felt like I went into shock when I created him because, well... just look! The song is Paparazzi slowed + reverbed by Lady Gaga!

(Hopes POV)

I slowly open my eyes and see that I was on my side, looking over at Evan. He was looking up at the T.V, watching the news by the sound of it. He glances over in my direction and sees that I'm awake. He leans in and brushes the hair out of my face and behind my ear, giving me a small smile.

"You've only been out for two hours, so don't worry about missing a few days." He says softly. I nod my head and glance around the room, both Craig and Brian nowhere to be found.

"Why aren't you like... yelling at me, or going off, why aren't you mad?" I ask Evan. So much for the silent treatment that he needs. He sighs and looks down at the ground.

"Because I deserve more than what you said to me, I'm honestly expecting you to break up with me here in a minute. Or to start hitting me as hard as you can. I deserve it Hope, I put you in here, I haven't seen you as much as Brian and Craig has while you've been in here. For fuck sakes, I didn't even go and find you and Brock while you were taken and tied up. How can you even look or talk to me, let alone be with me?" He looks up at me, he looks like he's about to cry again but he isn't. I look at him, trying to think of what to say.

"Back when I first got out of here and Brain took me back to the warehouse, I told the guys I was becoming scared of you. I didn't know what you were going to do now that Sydnee was back in your life. I didn't know if you were going to break up with me and go back to her. I didn't know if you still had feelings for her. I didn't know if she was going to attack me and you be fine with it or what! But since a couple days ago or whenever I was brought in here, I think I know that you at least still have some feelings left for her." I watch as he bites his lip and takes a deep breath.

"I love you, Hope. You are the only girl I will love all the way till I die, do you understand that? Do you want to know what was going through my head these past few days? Protect Hope at all cost, I went to look for Sydnee first so she wasn't hurting you or Brock. I chased after her because I didn't want her to run away and have us not know where she was and you end up in here again or worse. I haven't visited you as much because I just have this fear she's going to escape and come get you. That's what's been going through my head, that's why I've done what I did, to make sure you're safe." He scoots his chair closer to me. I feel my eyes start to water up, no, enough with the tears, I'm tougher than this.

"Do you still have feelings for her though?" I ask. He sits up in his chair and gives me a straight face before nodding his head yes.

"It's not like before, I don't love her like I love you. I don't even love her, it's just... this feeling you have with your first love. You don't love or like them anymore, you just sort of miss them without missing them if that makes any sense? Don't you still have some sort of feeling for Brian like he does for you?" He asks. I look down at the white-tiled hospital floor.

He's right... sometimes I think what if Brian never cheated... will we still be together, will I even know who Evan or anyone else is? Brian never lost his feelings for me, and now that I have the time to actually think about it, I miss being with Brian. I miss what we were, all the fun and crazy shit that we've done together. Am I making a mistake with being with Evan and not with Brian? No, I love Evan. I love Evan. I miss Brian. The door opens and a chuckling Brian comes in. I look over at him as he holds up a bag of Up-and-Atom.

"Figured you were awake. Brought back your favorite so you don't have to eat this horrible hospital food." Brian says still chuckling. I brought my hands to my face and started to cry, unable to stop. Yes Evan, I still have feelings for Brian.